Chapter 8: Little Bear Becomes A White Rabbit

The day agreed upon with Zhong Yu Bai was Saturday.

On that night, as Ji Zhen Tang removed her makeup in front of the mirror, she remembered what Ji Xinhe had said, “I’m not too keen on provoking such people.” The word “provoke” made her heart skip a beat. Suddenly, she saw a hint of impatience on her own face, impatience for love, impatience for utilitarianism.

But these were not things to be rushed.

Zhong Yu Bai, a profound and meticulous man.

She knew that his elegant words and warm gestures were just the etiquette and cultivation in his dealings with others. What she couldn’t see was behind this, the hand that manipulated everything. And what was she in the palm of this hand? Not even an ant, just dust, the kind that couldn’t be seen by the naked eye. It didn’t even need to be crushed, just a flick and it would disappear.

A tiny speck of dust in the scheming of a big shot, the word “provoke” was particularly apt.

On Saturday afternoon, Ji Zhen Tang took some time to visit Ji Huan’s house, because one of Ji Xinhe’s clients had sent some fine tobacco and alcohol, which her aunt usually didn’t touch, so she usually asked Ji Zhen Tang to take them back.

Before leaving, Ji Xinhe suddenly looked at her with an expression of wanting to say something but hesitating. Ji Zhen Tang realized she had something on her mind.

“What’s wrong?”

Ji Xinhe spoke seriously and earnestly to her, “Xiao Tang, don’t blame Aunt for being cold-hearted in her words. Your father has already given you a lot. Studying this major, with such expensive tuition fees, ordinary families can’t afford it. Put yourself in his shoes and also think about Aunt Xu Qiang. Being content is important. People can’t always want more and more.

“Don’t feel unhappy about these things, and don’t dwell on trivial matters. Adjust your attitude. If you can’t get something, don’t dwell on it, look forward.”

Thinking carefully about Aunt’s instructions, on the way there, her heart was blocked.

When her mother, at an age when she didn’t understand love and responsibility, inexplicably became pregnant, inexplicably gave birth to a child, her hasty birth destined her to endure more scrutiny.

When she first arrived at this house, her sudden appearance startled her father’s wife. She overheard the argument between Xu Qiang and Ji Huan through the wall—

“What are you doing?! Fraud! If my mom knew you had a child, she would never let me marry you! It’s shocking Ji Huan, you still have such romantic moments, still fooling around with foreigners, huh? Get her out of here now!!”

At that time, she stood behind the door, awkwardly stuck in her situation for a long time. Fortunately, Ji Zhen Tang was not sent away, and Xu Qiang was never harsh with her. Aunt was right, this family had already given her enough.

Ji Zhen Tang entered the door carrying bags.

The small room that was set up for her in the cloakroom was folded up, the folding bed tucked away in the corner, and the wardrobe was filled with women’s and boys’ clothes for all seasons. While she was staring blankly at the seamless wardrobe, she heard Xu Qiang opening the door and entering the house.

In a hurry to pick up the children who had just finished school, Xu Qiang came over to greet Ji Zhen Tang, who she hadn’t seen for a long time, and exchanged pleasantries.

“Xiao Tang is back to stay, there was a temperature drop recently, a bunch of seasonal clothes at home haven’t been properly sorted out, they’ve been in your room for a few days, it looks a bit messy—Aunt will take them away now.”

Xu Qiang glanced at the messy closet and was about to take the clothes away.

Ji Zhen Tang quickly stopped her and said, “It’s okay, I’m not here to stay. Just leave them here.”

As she spoke, a ten-year-old boy stuck his head out, holding a toy gun under his arm. As Ji Zhen Tang was about to reply with a smile, Ji Chen raised his toy gun.

“Bang!”

A bullet hit her spine.

It was light, through the clothes, felt like a needle prick, but it startled her.

Then came the laughter of the boy behind her: “Haha, you’re dead!! Fall down quickly!”

“…”

Xu Qiang slapped her son’s head hard: “What are you doing! Have some respect!”

As she spoke, she roughly confiscated the gun from Ji Chen’s hand: “Come over and apologize to your sister.”

Ji Zhen Tang was about to say it was unnecessary, but before she could utter a word, Ji Chen preempted her, crying out, “Waaaah.”

“…”

“This brat.”

What did they say about a crying child getting milk? His cries made Xu Qiang feel a mix of embarrassment and pity, not easy to comfort, yet worrying not to.

Ji Zhen Tang stiffly smiled, “It’s alright, it doesn’t hurt.”

Xu Qiang scolded Ji Chen again in a pretentious manner, making up an excuse to send him to the study to do his homework.

Turning back, Xu Qiang apologized to Ji Zhen Tang with a guilty tone, “I didn’t know you were coming back for dinner tonight and didn’t prepare. I made extra lunch for little Chen, and we planned to reheat it for dinner. Next time, please let me know in advance.”

Where was her place at the table for the “three of them”?

She was an outsider in the Zhong family. And it was no different in this household.

Ji Zhen Tang said, “I just came back to drop off some things and pick up study materials. Is my dad not here today?”

Xu Qiang said, “He’s working overtime. He might be home late.”

“Alright then, I have dinner plans with classmates tonight. You guys go ahead, don’t bother cooking separately.”

With that, feeling awkward on both sides, having exhausted the pleasantries, without waiting for Xu Qiang’s insistence, she hastily made an excuse to leave after fetching an unused book from the study.

She slowed her pace as she stepped out onto the damp streets. It was only when she was alone that Ji Zhen Tang could feel absolute freedom and relief. The weather had been gloomy for over a month. Ji Zhen Tang gazed blankly at the sky, unsure when this rainy season would end. Being soaked in endless rainwater made one feel dizzy and swollen-headed.

The bone hit by that light, floating “bullet” still maintained a numb sensation, keeping her spine tense for a long time, unable to relax.

Ji Zhen Tang’s steps paused at the intersection, and in that instant, she suddenly felt a tightness in her chest. Instinctively, she raised her hand to cover her heart, but couldn’t stop the intense pounding, as if it was about to burst out of her throat.

Closing her eyes, waves of shock and fear surged towards her.

She heard the ocean waves, saw the lighthouse. And there—”Bang!”

Those distant gunshots. She abruptly opened her eyes, feeling numbness in her limbs, quickly grabbing hold of the nearby lamppost, supporting her trembling body.

The frantic beating in her chest wouldn’t calm down. Unable to find peace, she looked up to examine the illusion of the lighthouse, only to realize it was just a streetlamp hanging in the rain, she wasn’t on a ship, but in a tranquil dusk.

It was quiet all around.

“It’s okay, don’t scare yourself…”

Ji Zhen Tang reassured herself, lightly patting her chest.

As the rain fell, she had already boarded the bus, watching the raindrops streak down the window, emptying her mind for a while. Her body felt uncomfortable, but she couldn’t pinpoint the exact issue, just feeling weak, unable to exert force, even lifting her phone felt sluggish and heavy.

When people are weak, they seek something to rely on. It’s only when she’s weak that she finds an excuse to call her father. A fleeting thought turns into frantic searching at her fingertips.

But as the call goes through, she barely manages to say, “Dad, I’m feeling a bit uncomf—”

Ji Huan interrupts coldly, “What’s wrong? Didn’t I already send you money?”

Ji Zhen Tang is stunned.

She doesn’t even get a chance to respond before Ji Huan urgently cuts in, “I’m in a meeting right now. Don’t call unless it’s urgent. Just message me.”

Don’t call all the time…

Wasn’t the last time just a week ago? Is this level of contact too frequent for a father and daughter?

What can she say? All she can manage is a forced smile, “Okay, then you go ahead with your meeting.”

Ji Huan: “If it’s something, send me a message.”

“Mm.”

The urgent beep in her ear and her erratic heartbeat become jarring. Slowly, she puts down her phone. She arrives at Rain Lamp Street. When Ji Zhen Tang gets off the car, the rain is not light, and though she holds an umbrella, she doesn’t open it.

In the alley, someone is lifting clothes with a pole, shouting, “It’s raining,” while she stands on the bricks, she stops, and looks up. Some clothes, not yet taken down by their owners, hang lonely on the clothesline in the middle of the street.

A little girl’s shirt, with its wet lace collar hanging dejectedly, water dripping down from the hem. She inexplicably feels like this shirt was what she wore when she was a child. Forgotten in this pouring rain, all the clothes are taken except for it, unclaimed.

Ji Zhen Tang looks up for a while without opening her umbrella, and soon feels her face getting hot. She wipes it, but her increasingly wet face doesn’t seem to dry.

She remembers Zhong Heng saying, “I thought you were more reasonable.”

She remembers her aunt saying, “You should consider your dad, auntie, and your brother’s feelings.”

Everyone tells her to consider others’ perspectives, to digest every situation from everyone’s viewpoint, to understand their hardships.

But why? She’s also living a difficult life.

She started boarding school in elementary, pretending to like being with classmates just to avoid disturbing her dad’s family. She makes space for them, but no one cares if a girl under ten can tuck herself in at night or if she might scald herself while tiptoeing to the water tank to fetch water.

How mature does one need to be to accept the fact that they have been redundant since the moment they were born? She may not have grown up yet, perhaps she still needs to mature.

Ji Zhen Tang opened the umbrella and walked forward, crying as she went. Her gaze paralleled the edge of the umbrella, and soon she saw the trembling weeping crabapple tree in the wind and rain.

She raised the umbrella.

Looking closely, she saw a car parked under the tree, raindrops falling onto the black roof of the car. The ancient wall stood tall, flowers fell in the rain, and in this simple yet profound scene, there intruded modern traces that were not so harmonious, dilapidated yet noble, fresh yet deep.

She recognized this car; it was here to visit her aunt. Approaching the door, Ji Zhen Tang stopped. Behind the door, she heard the deep and mellow voice of a man, gentle and polite, calming the heart gradually amidst the wind and rain.

He said, “The weather before the rain is very good, my father likes Lu’an tea.”

Ji Zhen Tang found a tissue from her bag and wiped her face randomly. She had cried fiercely all the way here, and her chest was still heaving uncontrollably. She stood under the eaves, trying to calm herself down a bit. Looking through the slightly ajar door, Ji Xinhe was pouring him a cup of hot tea.

“Thank you.”

Zhong Yu Bai took it and nodded gently.

She stood outside the door, about five or six meters away, the eaves stacked with Qing tiles dripping with slender water droplets. Through a mist of water and moisture in her eyes, Ji Zhen Tang stared at the man, seeing his figure faintly elusive. He wore a light-colored shirt and sat on an ordinary brown wooden chair, with a slightly relaxed posture.

She had thought his presence was due to wearing expensive clothes, but even in such a simple shirt, his broad shoulders and narrow waist supported him gracefully, exuding a gentlemanly elegance, like a solitary cloud and wild crane, unperturbed by favor or disgrace.

“Does this tea suit your taste?” Ji Xinhe asked.

Zhong Yu Bai remained indifferent, placing the cup down lightly, “The location and picking method of the tea mountain are very important. The tea farmers in Jingzhe Mountain pick the tea by hand, which is more meticulous than the mechanized operations in Nanshan, resulting in a more fragrant and less astringent taste.”

Ji Zhen Tang was amazed by his knowledge. It was incredible that someone could taste which mountain the tea came from with just one sip.

She understood his implication: don’t buy tea from Nanshan.

Ji Xinhe slowly reacted, “My brother did buy this tea from Nanshan.”

Zhong Yu Bai remained calm, smiling, “I’ve heard a bit about it.”

A soft “click” came from outside the threshold.

The folding umbrella was closed in Ji Zhen Tang’s palm.

Raindrops dripped from her fingers as she smiled bitterly, greeting the visitor, “Mr. Zhong.”

Zhong Yu Bai looked back, only seeing a pair of wet faces. His eyes were deep, hers were light, and they brushed past each other like sparks, without lingering too much. Because she quickly averted her gaze.

Setting down the cup in his hand, the man slowly focused his gaze on her. Ji Zhen Tang’s gaze swept to the table beside him, where there was something unusual that didn’t belong there, caught by her at a glance.

A long wooden box tied with a classical satin ribbon with a neat knot, placed aside the tea set, fresh and abrupt. No need to guess, it was the precious gift he brought.

Ji Zhen Tang didn’t ask much, she just whispered to Ji Xinhe, “Aunt, I’m feeling a bit unwell, I’ll go upstairs for a while.”

Before she could finish her sentence, the fiercely approaching symptoms once again pinned her in place, her scalp suddenly tightening, and then the numb sensation started from the top of her head and quickly spread downwards to her limbs, the umbrella in her hand falling to the ground uncontrollably.

Ji Zhen Tang urgently held onto the handrail next to her. As Ji Xinhe helped her pick up the umbrella, she hadn’t realized the seriousness of the situation yet.

Ji Zhen Tang then held onto her wrist, her palm was damp and cold, “Aunt, I…”

Seeing her pale face, Ji Xinhe frowned, “What’s wrong?”

Ji Zhen Tang said, “I, I’m having trouble breathing.”

Ji Xinhe held her hand back, anxiously asking, “Where do you feel uncomfortable?”

“Feeling dizzy, and my head too. Maybe… I don’t know if it’s because I’ve been staying up too late recently. My feet are numb.”

Her legs felt weak, and she was trying to support herself. A hand wrapped around her shoulder, and Ji Zhen Tang felt her center of gravity shift to the chest behind her. Then, she was lifted into the air.

Zhong Yu Bai held her and asked Ji Xinhe, “Is there a bed? Or a chair she can lie on?”

Ji Xinhe replied, “There’s a room upstairs.”

As he ascended, he calmly said, “Call an ambulance.”

Ji Xinhe replied repeatedly, “Okay, I’ll do it right away!”

Ji Zhen Tang listened to the heavy footsteps beneath her. Being held firmly by him, she felt weightless. She could also clearly feel that she was wet, while he was dry. The soft fabric of his shirt quickly soaked with her wetness, leaving a patch of watermarks. Ji Zhen Tang struggled to breathe, clinging to him like clutching at driftwood in the sea, pulling at his shirt frantically.

“It’s so uncomfortable, I have no strength…”

“Don’t worry, breathe slowly.” Zhong Yu Bai placed a pillow under her head, ensuring she lay comfortably on the bed, gently holding one side of her cheek, leaning in slightly, watching her anxious expression, steadying her with a calm gaze.

“Look into my eyes, Ah Zhen.”

His voice was steady, slowly guiding her gaze—

“Adjust your breathing slowly.”

“It’s okay, nothing will happen, don’t be nervous.”

Her deer-like eyes, startled, had been trembling since the moment of agitation. The prolonged eye contact provided a buffer for her emotions. Under his gentle guidance, Ji Zhen Tang gradually stabilized her breath, her heart still pounding heavily but without the chaotic sense of loss of control from before.

Zhong Yu Bai looked at her. Her eyes were clear, but her eye sockets were tinged with red. Clearly, there had been a burst of intense emotions.

He leaned in again, very discreetly, and whispered in her ear, “Cried?”

Ji Zhen Tang turned away embarrassedly, using her fingertips to wipe the already dried corners of his eyes. The meaningless gesture was a signal, indicating her desire to conceal this secretive secret. The man’s slightly cool fingers reached behind her ear, as if searching for something.

Feeling invaded, she instinctively grabbed his wrist.

Zhong Yu Bai softly reassured her, saying, “Don’t worry, just checking your heart rate.”

His fingertip accurately touched her carotid artery. It was around 120, indeed slightly fast.

Half a minute later, he asked, “Any hereditary heart diseases?”

She shook her head, “No, no one in my family has.”

Zhong Yu Bai thought for a moment, “It might be respiratory alkalosis.”

“Alkalosis?!” She was frightened.

“Not severe, just excessive ventilation.”

The words “not severe” calmed her slightly, and she asked anxiously, “Really?”

Zhong Yu Bai looked around and picked up a mask from the nearby table, putting it on her: “Relax, you’re healthy. Don’t take off the mask; it can help adjust the acid-base balance in your body.”

Ji Zhen Tang asked, “But this isn’t the first time for me. Are you sure it’s okay?”

Zhong Yu Bai didn’t hastily make a judgment, just said, “Let’s go to the hospital for a check-up later, to be more at ease.”

She stuttered, “Then you, you, can you…”

As if understanding her thoughts, Zhong Yu Bai let Ji Zhen Tang grab his hand and said, “I won’t leave until your condition improves.”

Ji Zhen Tang couldn’t control herself, her nose tingled, tears filled her eyes. Through teary eyes, she looked at the blurry expression of the man, sensing that he was smiling.

He gently tapped her skull with his finger, like coaxing a child, his voice soft and gentle, faintly saying, “Alright, stop crying.”

Zhong Yu Bai leaned on the edge of the bed, leaned close to her cheek, and looked at the girl’s reddened eyes with some mockery and comfort, saying with a smile, “The little bear has turned into a little white rabbit.”

Previous

Next