Chapter 10: Vanity Fair

When Zhong Heng was in a good mood, he was willing to coax people, but his patience was extremely limited. Until Ji Xinhe came back, Ji Zhen Tang didn’t open the door for him. By dusk, there was only a bouquet of roses left at the door.

“Xiao Tang, which boy sent you flowers again?” Ji Xinhe came in carrying keys and a bouquet of flowers.

Ji Zhen Tang hurriedly said, “Don’t touch, those flowers are dirty!”

Ji Xinhe laughed, “What’s dirty about flowers, they’re very pretty. Fresh and fragrant.”

“…”

She was a step late, halfway down the stairs, leaning against the wall, staring blankly at the bouquet of roses placed in the hall.

Then she watched Ji Xinhe pull out a card from the petals.

She asked what was written.

Ji Xinhe squinted and looked, “I don’t understand, it’s in English.”

Soon the case was solved, the note read: forgive me.

She didn’t bother looking at it a second time.

“Aunt, do you want this bracelet?” She held out the box for Ji Xinhe to see.

Ji Xinhe glanced at it and smiled, “I’m getting old, I don’t wear flashy things like this.”

“Where’s the flashiness? This color is fresh and it matches your name.” She took out the bracelet and put it on Ji Xinhe’s wrist, smoothing out the fine lines on her hand, and said with a smile, “Looks good.”

Unexpectedly, Ji Xinhe didn’t wear it for half a minute before hastily taking it off, just saying, “People should know their own worth. If you’re only worth a few pounds, you’re only fit to wear a few pounds of jewelry.”

“Who said that? Jewelry is important. Otherwise, why do those rich ladies chase after designer bags? Respect the clothes before you respect the person. Only when people can judge your worth from your dress can they guess your weight.”

“Vanity,” Aunt said, and the bracelet was put back into the box.

Ji Zhen Tang smiled, “Not really, I really think it suits you.”

Aunt gave her a lesson, “You’ll understand later, things you can’t afford, even if you get them temporarily, you’ll have to pay a higher price someday, like Maupassant’s necklace – a person will pay dearly for coveting false values with appearance.”

Ji Zhen Tang said nothing.

Ji Xinhe quite liked the bouquet of roses and went to get a vase to put them in.

Aunt was someone good at avoiding risks. Even if fate hadn’t been kind to her, she could still live a grounded life until today. Finally, she said, “Didn’t you say you have to give them back? Find a chance to return them.”

Ji Zhen Tang didn’t speak, just bowed her head and looked down.

“Don’t be greedy.”

“…I know, I’ll return them.”

Ji Zhen Tang returned to her room feeling downcast, playing with the bracelet for a while.

She didn’t put it on herself, even though she was quite tempted and wanted to try it, but she was afraid that once she did, she wouldn’t be able to take it off again.

Aunt was right, things that didn’t belong to her would eventually have to be returned.

Ji Zhen Tang adjusted her schedule for three days, but on the fourth day, she unconsciously started staying up late again. There was no way around it; her phone was too entertaining. Here something was new, there something was interesting. Fragmented pieces of information skipped through her mind, leaving no trace, wasting time until midnight.

Her heart problem hadn’t recurred, so she forgot about the scare she had few days ago.

The consequence of staying up late was poor sleep quality.

With the change of seasons came more rain, both in reality and in her dreams.

On this day, she hadn’t slept for long before Ji Zhen Tang woke up in the middle of the night. For some reason, she had been having strange dreams lately.

Sitting up in bed, she felt drenched all over, unable to move, watching the shadows of the curtains gently sway on the ceiling, her mind scattered. She was very tired but couldn’t sleep, awake from dawn until morning.

The first thing Ji Zhen Tang did when she got up was to search through her backpack, following a faint clue from her dream, and found a hairpin shaped like a crabapple from the innermost pocket.

Many years had passed, but the moon-white crabapple petals were still as new as ever.

She hadn’t worn this hairpin in a long time.

“Why would I dream of… this person?”

As Ji Zhen Tang brushed her teeth in front of the mirror, she clipped the delicate hairpin at the end of her hair. After admiring it for a moment, she quickly took it off.

This was given to her by the young master of the Chen family in Xingzhou.

Over a decade had passed, and Ji Zhen Tang couldn’t remember what he looked like anymore. Now, she only had a faint impression, the son of Mrs. Chen, a charming young man who, like his mother, called her by her English name, Jane.

“If you miss me, wear it in your hair. I will find you, no matter when or where.”

His warm and clear voice still echoed in her ears.

She murmured, recalling, “The young master of the Chen family…”

His last name should be Chen.

Unfortunately, she only remembered his last name; she had long forgotten his first name.

But she remembered that he was truly cultured and refined, born into the upper class yet still warm. He wasn’t like someone who looked down on others, arrogant and spoiled by privilege.

Looking back now, her childhood was very happy.

Mrs. Chen liked her very much, always calling her her little happy fruit.

Because when Ji Zhen Tang was young, she was mischievous, stealing her mother’s clothes and lipstick, pretending to be an adult, acting in front of them, and acting vividly.

“Jane, what are you playing today?” Mrs. Chen asked her.

“I’m playing Cinderella today.”

She ran barefoot, draped in a furry blanket, running around on the carpet, saying, “I’m going to find the prince and dance!”

Qin Meilan reproached her embarrassingly, “Don’t dirty the carpet.”

Mrs. Chen stopped her, saying, “Children are meant to make a fuss, let her play.”

Then she smiled and asked her, “Cinderella, where are your glass slippers?”

Ji Zhen Tang stamped her foot, looked down at her bare feet, and embarrassedly touched her toes, saying hesitantly, “Um, the glass slippers… I, I don’t have them for now, but I will in the future.”

With a confident smile, she affirmed, “Because I am Cinderella!”

At that time, the young master of the Chen family, who was chatting and laughing with them, was sitting among them.

He was like a pine tree, with a wintry temperament, dignified and refined, lazily reclining on the sofa.

Upon hearing this, he glanced over indifferently, also involuntarily looking at the little girl’s feet because of his mother’s words.

Ji Zhen Tang hurriedly embarrassedly stuffed her feet into slippers.

The young master noticed her embarrassment and smiled ambiguously, then averted his gaze.

The play of Cinderella was performed with great fanfare by her alone, but in the end, she didn’t wait for her pumpkin carriage and ball.

She wasn’t really Cinderella, and there would be no prince to come for her.

The play was over, and after a nap, everything was gone.

However, the next morning, Ji Zhen Tang opened the door, rubbed her sleepy eyes, and looked at the center of the door, where a pair of small leather shoes were neatly placed.

Brand new, black Mary Janes.

They looked expensive, and she had never worn such exquisite shoes before; they didn’t seem to belong to her.

So she squatted down, cautiously touched the shoe surface with her fingers, afraid of damaging them, and quickly withdrew. At the same time, she saw a piece of paper tucked under the sole.

It read: To Jane.

It was a boy’s handwriting.

Ji Zhen Tang was overjoyed, “Mom! The young master bought me new shoes!!”

She happily put on the well-fitting leather shoes and danced a messy dance in the big garden.

On the second-floor open balcony, the boy who gave the gift was standing there, wearing a clean white shirt, like a slender and vigorous pine tree, with a gentle and elegant demeanor. He watched her dance, revealing a faint, gentle smile.

That was where there was no worry at all, and everyone treated her with tenderness.

But now, that gentle and modest person, his appearance gradually faded with the passage of time.

Later, on the day she left Xingzhou, the weather on the entire island was gloomy, like her mood. Her mother earnestly advised her several times, “Ah Zhen, no matter where you go in the future, about the past that shouldn’t be mentioned, you must keep it to yourself. All the grievances that have nothing to do with you must be buried deep in your heart. Preserving your life is the most important thing.”

She nodded as if she understood.

But how much did she remember, and how much could she say? She was only seven or eight years old at that time.

Time flew by, and many years passed.

Childhood seemed so distant, as if it were from a previous life.

The happiness of everyone, now she didn’t even know how to retrieve her own happiness.

No one told her that growing up meant experiencing numerous losses.

Fragmented memories slowly flooded her mind, and Ji Zhen Tang smiled slowly, the hair clip in her hand also warmed by her body temperature.

In the end, the hairpin was still placed back in the storage compartment. When she closed the drawer, it seemed as if her childhood was also sealed away with it.

A few days later, Ji Zhen Tang went to the hospital again, holding the diagnosis report in her hand. She looked at the words “mild anxiety” and sat calmly outside the psychiatry department, waiting for her consultation.

The female doctor told her that the symptoms she was experiencing were called panic attacks, and then gently asked her, “Are you a very assertive person?”

She nodded slowly, “I am a bit.”

“Do you like to compare yourself with others in terms of achievements?”

Embarrassed, she nodded again.

“When I was young, I was like this. I wanted to be the top student, so I studied very hard. Later, when I learned to draw, I also wanted to be the best, but I found that drawing was something that depended a lot on talent, so I went through a long period of pain. Because no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t achieve the results that others easily achieved. Do you know that feeling of being neither here nor there?”

The doctor asked her, “Why are you so obsessed with achievements?”

“Maybe because… I really want to be affirmed by others, I want others to praise me more, so that I can feel that my existence is valuable.”

“And also, there are many wealthy people around me. Their existence makes me feel suffocated, very oppressed. It’s as if I’ve been thrown into a circle that doesn’t belong to me, and this is not something that can be changed through effort.”

Ji Zhen Tang spoke, her head hanging down in frustration.

Too much talk leads to mistakes, and the doctor wasn’t a lifesaver.

She tactfully changed the subject.

The doctor smiled and didn’t delve further, just sighed, “Nowadays, you young people, the mental pressure is getting bigger and bigger.”

Since there were other patients waiting behind her, they didn’t chat too much.

“Let me prescribe some medicine for you. Go out more often, don’t get stuck in trivial matters, be content with what you have.”

“Okay.”

The doctor wrote her a prescription. When Ji Zhen Tang left the hospital, carrying a bunch of bottles and jars in her hand, the phrase “be content with what you have” lingered in her mind. She stood alone on the street and suddenly felt lonely at that moment.

Back in the dormitory, as soon as she stepped in, she received a call from her father.

It was quite rare. She quickly threw the things in her hand onto the table, went outside to the corridor, and carefully pressed the answer button.

Her father asked, “What illness do you have?”

Not sure if her aunt told him, just a simple greeting made her eyes and nose feel sour.

“It’s just…” She thought for a moment, then didn’t know how to explain, hesitantly said, “It’s nothing, really, nothing serious.”

Ji Huan’s tone was unusually gentle, showing extra patience towards the patient: “Take care of yourself and try not to stay up too late studying.”

She nodded obediently, “Okay.”

After that, it seemed like there was nothing else to say.

Ji Huan suddenly had a whimsical idea, “Do you want some milk tea? Let me get you one. Which dormitory are you staying in?”

She was pleasantly surprised and said, “Snow Garden Dormitory Four.”

“Alright, give me your phone number.”

“Thank you, dad.”

Soon, the milk tea was delivered to the dormitory, and Ji Zhen Tang took dozens of photos of a cup of white peach oolong tea. It took five minutes to edit the photos, choose her favorite one, and post it on her nearly forgotten friend circle with the caption: [Care from Dad!]

She was about to press the send button when she heard Zhou Zhi gossiping about someone she didn’t know, “Show off whatever you lack. Do you think that guy really looks wealthy? The half-empty bottle is just rattling around.”

One sentence made her pause.

Show off whatever you lack.

It sounded harsh, but it made sense. Who would post on their friend circle about their dad buying them a cup of milk tea? Ji Zhen Tang slumped on the table, quietly deleting the caption and photos.

She went back to the homepage and saw several pictures Zhao Siqi had posted last night.

It was customary for him to appear in various high society social events. While Lin Guixue had a close relationship with this rich young man, Ji Zhen Tang only had superficial interactions with him, the kind where she wouldn’t even like his posts on social media.

But today, she lingered on the photos Zhao Siqi had posted for a while.

He had posted several photos of the ribbon-cutting ceremony at an international brand’s new product launch, held at a luxurious hotel. Many celebrities were present, making it look very lively.

Zhao Siqi’s purpose was to capture the brand’s jewelry gifts displayed on the table.

The camera unintentionally captured a corner.

Ji Zhen Tang saw the man sitting in the shadows.

Her gaze paused slightly.

Next to him, celebrities were being interviewed under bright lights.

Zhong Yu Bai was sitting with his back to the camera, leaning against a dark-colored armchair with a glass of champagne in front of him, but obviously, he hadn’t taken a sip.

He was facing a foreigner, presumably the CEO of the brand. The two were conversing, and from the pictures, it was impossible to tell what they were talking about. All that could be seen was a slight smile on Zhong Yu Bai’s face, with an air of politeness but still showing a hint of laziness.

He sat there, calm and lazy. Through the screen, she could almost smell the lingering fragrance of his cologne, like the dense fog in a deep valley, verdant and profound.

In a corner of the world of fame and fortune, amidst the fragrance of clothes and the flicker of elegance, wealth and status were enchanting.

Some people were struggling to get in, some managed to get in but remained stiff on the red carpet, maintaining their composure, while others could easily relax and chat wherever they went, relying on their name as their ticket, without worrying too much.

There were too few people who could adapt so naturally to such occasions.

And too few who were truly at the top.

She understood that people were inherently different, and one should never mismatch necklaces and bracelets.

Her study of the photos was interrupted by a phone call.

Although the number was no longer in her contacts, the digits were not difficult to remember.

If she had blocked Zhong Heng on WeChat, he would call to bother her.

She answered and heard him ask, “Are you in the dorm?”

Ji Zhen Tang asked, “What’s the matter?”

“Are you bored spending the weekend alone? Want to play golf tomorrow?”

“No, I can’t afford it. Hang up.”

Zhong Heng urgently called out, “Hey.”

He started again, “This is just who I am. I may not have much sincerity, but I’ve given you everything I can. I can’t do this for other girls. What I said that day was true. I can promise you, I can swear to the heavens, I won’t marry another woman.”

Ji Zhen Tang rubbed her ears, which were starting to form calluses, and replied faintly, “Hmm.”

He cautiously asked, “Can I get a reaction?”

“Break up,” she said.

“No, we won’t.”

“I don’t like you.”

“I just think whether I like you or not.”

“… A man’s jerkiness is ingrained in his bones.”

Ji Zhen Tang said, “What I want has never been just the status of having a boyfriend. Do you know what I want?”

“What?” He didn’t answer and instead started joking with her.

“Talking to you is bad for my health. Goodbye.”

No longer showing any mercy, she hung up the phone.

A few minutes later, the phone rang again.

Without waiting for him to speak, Ji Zhen Tang unleashed her emotions like a torrent.

“I don’t want to discuss the connection between emotions, love, and marriage. I just want to be happy being myself. But being with you, I can’t avoid the fact that I’m not being respected. You only like me because I’m pretty, you don’t want to understand my past, my emptiness. I’m just a bundle of wounds when I’m with you, and I leave with even more scars. That’s the good outcome you’ve given me. You can’t make up for the hurt, but you still insist on rubbing salt in the wound.

“In life, all we need for emotional support is love and respect. What can you give me? If you can’t love someone, don’t make thousand promises.”

“I don’t want to think about what feelings you have for me now. I just want to stop exhausting myself, forget all the unhappiness you’ve brought me, and embrace my new life, or new relationships, instead of getting entangled with you.

“We’re not meant for each other. I’m asking you to let me go. If you really care about being broken up with me, then I’m giving you the chance now. You propose, and I’ll agree. Agreed?”

She poured out everything in one breath.

But the other end remained quiet.

So quiet that she could hear the rustling of the wind outside.

Ji Zhen Tang impatiently urged, “Why aren’t you saying anything? I thought you had a lot to say?”

After a moment, a deep male voice came through, its tone warm and mild through the receiver—”I’m thinking about what I should say.”

Ji Zhen Tang froze in place, then quickly stood up, stuttering, “I-I’m sorry, Uncle!”

Zhong Yu Bai asked, “Sorry for what?”

“I thought, I thought it was— I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you,” she regretted, tapping her forehead.

Zhong Yu Bai remained silent for a moment, then chuckled softly and said, “Eavesdropping on a little girl’s sorrows, I can’t escape blame for that.”

After a while of silence from her end, he spoke again, “If you need company, tell me where you are.”

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