Chapter 13: What Was The Thing You Regretted The Most In Your Past Life?

Li Rong fell silent. After a moment, she spoke in a low voice, “I know.”

She continued slowly, “My situation, I am very aware of it.”

Li Ming, the emperor who loved concubine Ruo, harbored thoughts of deposing the crown prince, Li Chuan, who disagreed with his political views. She was caught in the middle. Deposing a crown prince wasn’t easy, but disposing of a princess was exceptionally simple.

The Su family is now a prominent family in the court, and Su Rongqing is not someone she can easily manipulate. Moreover, she was just playing with Pei Wenxuan, never really considering anything beyond that.

She was rarely quiet, and Pei Wenxuan couldn’t help but glance at her. Seeing her look gloomy, he knew she was thinking about her own matters. He hesitated for a moment, thinking about whether to speak up, but in the end, he remained silent.

Things had come to this point, and Li Rong was a clever person. She would figure out her own path. The two of them quietly ate the fish and then went to sleep without discussing anything related to marriage, a silent agreement between them.

Pei Wenxuan leaned against a small hill, closed his eyes for a while, and found falling asleep a bit difficult. He opened his eyes again and looked towards Li Rong’s figure in the distance.

The night breeze made him unusually awake, allowing him to reflect on what had happened that day.

He had never thought that Li Rong had also experienced rebirth.

Initially, he had thought that in this life, just like the previous one, he would marry Li Rong, forget about Qin Zhenzhen, and live a good life with Li Rong. But now, he realized that such thoughts might not be feasible.

The fifty-year-old Li Rong was completely different from the twenty-year-old one. She was sharp and fierce, like a thorny vine ready to strike anyone.

Most importantly, the fifty-year-old Li Rong had Su Rongqing in her heart.

That person spent twenty-five years with him, and even went as far as to kill him. Perhaps betrayal would make Li Rong hate him, but love and hatred often coexist. The deep and profound friendship between them, he couldn’t intervene, nor could it accommodate.

He didn’t want his wife to have thoughts about another person, like the twenty-year-old Li Rong.

But, how could he not accommodate it? Li Rong had no choice, did he have one?

Pei Wenxuan couldn’t help but smile bitterly. When he raised his eyes, he saw Li Rong’s back facing him. She appeared frail, huddled up, holding herself. When the cold wind blew, she shivered slightly. Pei Wenxuan hesitated for a moment, and after a long while, he stood up, picked up the coat he had taken off, covered Li Rong with it, and then returned to the fire, closing his eyes.

Li Rong felt a piece of clothing covering her. She closed her eyes and remained silent. After covering herself with the clothes for a while, she thought that most of Pei Wenxuan’s clothes were here.

She hesitated for a moment, finally opened her mouth, and called him, “Pei Wenxuan.”

“Shut up and go to sleep,” Pei Wenxuan spoke decisively.

Li Rong: “…”

After a while, Li Rong still felt a bit uneasy in her conscience. She spoke directly, “Come over and sleep together.”

This time, Pei Wenxuan fell silent.

Seeing that he ignored her, Li Rong thought she had done her best and simply pulled the clothes, closing her eyes.

After a while, she heard the rustling sound behind her. Then, Pei Wenxuan squeezed over. Li Rong shared half of the clothes with him. As she was petite, covering herself with half was enough, and Pei Wenxuan was behind her, draping the remaining half over himself.

Pei Wenxuan faced away from her, maintaining a distance of a palm’s breadth. The cold wind blew in, but Pei Wenxuan remained still. After enduring for a while, Li Rong leaned back directly, leaning against his back.

Pei Wenxuan stiffened his body.

Considering it, even though he has already passed a lifetime, his experience in matters of romance was pitifully lacking.

He and Li Rong were husband and wife, and after Li Rong separated from him, during that long period, he didn’t involve himself with anyone else.

In this matter, he still had some principles deep down. With Li Rong, it was a matter of responsibility. In hindsight, perhaps in that moment when Li Rong unveiled herself, the young man in him felt a bit of excitement, but he didn’t make a move. Outside of Li Rong, he thought about having some emotions with others. However, in the thirty years of his life, perhaps being too focused on political affairs, he never encountered someone who truly moved his heart.

People occasionally sent beautiful women to him, including Li Chuan. Seeing him without an heir, there was some regret in Li Chuan’s eyes, hinting that even if he married the eldest princess, he could consider taking concubines. He had thought about it, but every time those women stood in front of him, he always felt something was missing.

After so many years, when the youthful and charming Li Rong leaned against him, he couldn’t help but feel nervous, like a young man encountering a woman for the first time.

Li Rong sensed his tension and couldn’t help but find it a bit amusing, mixed with a touch of pity.

Not wanting Pei Wenxuan to feel awkward, she brought up a topic, “Is there anything you regret from your past life?”

“Why ask about that?” he replied.

“Just asking casually,” Li Rong smiled. “We can consider ourselves an unexpected encounter. Why not think about any regrets from the past and see if we can change them in this life?”

Pei Wenxuan remained silent. Seeing that he didn’t speak, Li Rong changed the topic, “By the way, do you want to go find Qin Zhenzhen?”

“I don’t know,” Pei Wenxuan said.

He knew Li Rong was trying to start a conversation and didn’t resist. He calmly said, “Let’s talk about it later.”

Now he didn’t know what the future held.

Originally, he planned to marry Li Rong as before and start a new life. However, with Li Rong being reborn, it disrupted his plans. If he didn’t marry Li Rong, his life would take a different path. Qin Zhenzhen…

For a moment, he was unsure of how to proceed with his thoughts.

Qin Zhenzhen died too early, too long ago. He didn’t even have time to sort out the feelings within himself before this person gracefully departed. He had never truly obtained this person, so this person became like a moonlight, forever shining in the sky, making people gaze from a distance.

Staring at the bright moon for a long time made it difficult to generate a desire to chase after it. For a moment, someone told him that he could try reaching out to grab the moon, and he found it somewhat unbelievable.

Seeing Pei Wenxuan in an unsettled state, Li Rong sighed and said, “But I advise you, take care of it early. The palace isn’t suitable for her; don’t let her enter the palace.”

“I know,” Pei Wenxuan replied.

Understanding that Li Rong genuinely meant these words, he paused for a moment and said slowly, “You rarely say such kind words.”

“You’re a funny person,” Li Rong, leaning against Pei Wenxuan’s back, smiled bitterly. “When I say kind words, you seem to dislike hearing them.”

“Not really,” Pei Wenxuan said plainly. “I’m just not used to it.”

“I didn’t want to say these words either,” Li Rong spoke slowly. “But I’m a person who distinguishes between gratitude and grudges. You came to save me, even though it ended up causing more trouble. But for this goodwill, I’ll accept it.”

“Pei Wenxuan,” Li Rong continued slowly. “Regardless of whether we end up getting married or not, I hope that in this lifetime, we don’t become enemies.”

“Hmm,” Pei Wenxuan uttered softly.

Li Rong felt Pei Wenxuan’s body relax, knowing that this conversation had resolved his awkwardness. She waited for a while. This was their most friendly and closest moment. She thought to herself that if they were to discuss marriage, now would be the most appropriate time.

However, Pei Wenxuan remained silent for a long time. Li Rong realized that he must be hesitant about this matter, and she didn’t press him. Instead, she began to contemplate how to handle things tomorrow.

In the darkness, the two people harbored their own thoughts. Li Rong thought about the future, while Pei Wenxuan recalled the past.

Li Rong’s words lingered in his ears, asking him if there was anything he regretted.

This was a question he dared not answer.

For most of his life, he has been filled with regrets. If one were to identify the most regrettable moments of his life, the first would be allowing Qin Zhenzhen into the palace, and the second would be the dispute with Li Rong over Qin Zhenzhen.

The first time he regretted this matter was shortly after their argument. During that period, they slept in separate beds, separated by a folding screen each night. Looking at Li Rong, who seemed both near and far, he felt uneasy.

He wanted to say some kind words to her but couldn’t bring himself to do it. He also didn’t know what to say. On one hand, he felt that Li Rong was right; since his heart belonged to Qin Zhenzhen, he shouldn’t provoke her. On the other hand, he vaguely felt a discomfort he couldn’t quite explain.

One day, news suddenly came from the palace that Li Rong had angered the emperor and was being punished by kneeling at the palace gate.

At that time, he was still at home. Upon receiving the news, he hurried over. He remembered that it was a day of heavy rain, making the road difficult to see. As he rushed over with an umbrella, he saw Li Rong kneeling at the palace gate, and Su Rongqing stood by her side, holding an umbrella to shield her from the wind and rain.

The two of them, one kneeling and one standing, under the umbrella, seemed to have become an independent world.

At that moment, he suddenly understood Li Rong’s feelings. He realized that a married couple, whether in love or not, with or without emotions, would not allow anyone to intrude into their lives.

He dared not delve deeper into that feeling; he covered it up, pretended it didn’t exist.

Looking back when he grew old, he vaguely understood that at that time, he should have cared somewhat for Li Rong. But Qin Zhenzhen was a barrier in his heart, and he found it hard to accept that he could like someone else while still being infatuated with another.

Most importantly, in matters of the heart, he was too cowardly. What he needed was a stable relationship, either clearly rejecting him, like Qin Zhenzhen, whom he knew wouldn’t like him, allowing him to move on securely. Or making it clear that the other person liked him back.

What he feared the most was someone like Li Rong, occasionally feeling that she might care about him, but in an instant, thinking he was nothing in her eyes. This made him afraid to like her, and Li Rong was decisive, knowing he cared for Qin Zhenzhen. She immediately distanced herself, from separate beds to separate rooms, and finally to separate residences.

She left him no room to maneuver.

Not only did she distance herself from him, but it also seemed that she disliked him. Any attempt to be friendly was met with disapproval. When he got angry, they argued, again and again.

So he could only continue on the path he had chosen, constantly reminding himself that Qin Zhenzhen was important. Since he had made a commitment to Li Rong, he had to stick with it.

Like a gambler who had placed too big a bet, he could only keep gambling and couldn’t turn back. Until the downfall of the Su family, Su Rongqing’s imprisonment, he heard that Li Rong went to plead with Li Chuan, even confronting him on the spot and being punished by Li Chuan.

He hurriedly entered the palace and saw Li Rong covered in blood, lying on the ground. When she saw him, she grabbed him with nails stained with blood and said hoarsely, “Pei Wenxuan, I want to save Su Rongqing.”

He couldn’t describe the feeling at that moment, just a sudden sense that his heart was torn apart. The intense pain finally made him sober, realizing it all too clearly.

He finally regretted it.

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