Chapter 28: Love Is Attraction, Not Exchange

The evening breeze, the play of light and shadow, and the quiet night formed a scene like a romantic movie, with a final moment in slow motion. Ji Zhen Tang suddenly remembered the meaning of these two phrases, especially the pronunciation of ‘bb’ in the latter half. Without needing to think, she was lost in his eyes for a while before she remembered this globally understood endearment.

Ambiguity reached its peak at this moment.

But by the time she slowly comprehended and blushed, Zhong Yu Bai had already assumed she genuinely didn’t understand.

The miscommunication and mutual understanding allowed her to seemingly escape unscathed.

“Well, I’ll go in now. Goodbye.” She forced a smile and waved to him.

The lights were on at home, indicating someone was there.

Ji Zhen Tang had forgotten to avoid it just now. When she pushed the door, she saw her aunt sitting in front of the sewing machine. Ji Xinhe spoke before her, “When did you come back? Weren’t you just going for a stroll? Why are you back so late?”

Ji Zhen Tang’s mouth formed an “o” shape, reacting quickly. She pushed the door open and stepped inside, her tone rising, trying to be playful, “I met a friend on the way and went out for dinner.”

Ji Xinhe stopped her foot from operating the sewing machine, “Since when did you become friends with the big boss?”

Ji Zhen Tang was speechless, her voice faltering, “You… saw that?”

Ji Xinhe didn’t lift her eyes, laughing, “I thought you wouldn’t be back until evening.”

In sync with these words, she suddenly felt her aunt’s smile chilling, with a hint of mockery. Ji Zhen Tang stood there, slow and hesitant, then turned back and slowly closed the door.

“We went to have hot pot.” She replied truthfully.

Ji Xinhe said, “I don’t understand, what are you thinking?” With that, she stopped her movements again and glanced at Ji Zhen Tang with deep meaning.

“Don’t understand what?” 

“What do you want? Where are you not content?” Ji Xinhe asked her.

Ji Zhen Tang choked up and said, “I don’t know.”

She looked at her aunt with a somewhat innocent and pure gaze. When she said she didn’t know, it was true. There was no pretense; she couldn’t understand her own heart. Then she added, “I really like him, but it may not be the kind of liking between a man and a woman, just a fondness. I think he’s elegant and considerate. Perhaps this fondness has lasted for a long time and gradually evolved into infatuation. But when you ask me now, I really don’t know how to say it.”

Ji Xinhe stared at her for a long time before speaking sharply, “Do you think it’s appropriate?”

Although her aunt hadn’t said anything, Ji Zhen Tang felt inexplicably wronged. “I don’t need you to teach me.”

Ji Xinhe frowned, “What did I teach you?”

Ji Zhen Tang replied, “You taught me not to be greedy, not to accept others’ kindness, and to know what kind of people to associate with and which ones not to!”

She let her emotions run wild, disregarding reason, allowing harsh words to escape her lips. She panicked, realizing she had become spoiled, rebellious, and domineering.

Ji Xinhe sneered, “I didn’t say anything, yet you’re acting guilty.”

“You mean exactly that. You didn’t say anything, but it’s all written on your face!” Ji Zhen Tang argued. Tears flowed uncontrollably, her eyes turning red.

“Nonsense!”

As Ji Xinhe spoke, Ji Zhen Tang rushed upstairs, wiping the tears from her eyes with the back of her hand. The senseless argument could have ended there, but Ji Xinhe couldn’t let it go. She taunted, “If you can’t stand me, then go find a man to support you.”

Her footsteps halted on the stairs, deeply wounded by the harsh words. When people are angry, they are most stubborn.

Ji Zhen Tang entered the room, hastily packing her belongings. The louder the noise, the more determined she was to leave. In reality, there wasn’t much, just a few pieces of clothing, some jewelry, all thrown together in a hurry.

The suitcase made a loud noise as it scraped against the wooden floor. As she lifted it across the threshold, she thought, ‘I’ll never come back!’ But then, a gust of wind swept in, softening her stubbornness. Tears streamed down her face. “I’m sorry.”

In truth, her apology was only sixty or seventy percent sincere, but she had to say it.

Because the person in front of her was her aunt, who had shown her countless kindnesses.

Zhong Yu Bai had uttered a somewhat significant line tonight: “Let’s not mention kindness.”

Who could refrain from mentioning kindness? Probably only parents who unconditionally accept their children, or perhaps lovers.

But she couldn’t, because everything good she had received in this world was considered a favor. She had no reason to argue back, no confidence to be unruly.

Even if her aunt hadn’t said those words in anger, she still had to humble herself, say thank you, say sorry, say okay.

Because from the beginning, her unconventional birth destined her to be superfluous, an extra. The superfluous were taken in solely out of others’ kindness.

“Alright, don’t make a scene here late at night, crying and whining, what’s the point? I didn’t say anything to you.” Ji Xinhe’s tone softened as well. Seeing her carrying a large suitcase, she felt a mix of emotions but didn’t have many kind words, telling her to hurry up and go to bed.

Ji Zhen Tang stood still, facing her aunt, tears still streaming down her face.

In the midst of her emotional outburst, she said many things she shouldn’t have said.

“Never have I felt so warm with anyone else. I just want to hold onto this little bit of warmth. Even if I’m far, far away from him, at least I hope that when I look back in the future, my twenties won’t be just about pain, confusion, disputes, and illness, but also about care, warmth, and someone’s sincere—”

She stumbled, swallowing back the words “sincere from the heart.”

“Whether it’s sincere or not, at least he made me happy, let me experience many wonderful things. We live in this world, and in the blink of an eye, decades pass. Can’t I enjoy myself and seek happiness?”

Before she finished speaking, Ji Xinhe interrupted with an “eh,” trying to stop her.

Ji Zhen Tang rushed, not even half a minute passed before she plopped heavily onto the bed.

She cried for a minute or two, her sinking emotions like an abyss. Ji Zhen Tang felt she couldn’t continue like this. She quickly sat up again, wiped her tears, reached for her phone, and made a call.

The other party picked up quickly.

“Have you left?” She struggled to calm her emotions and asked him.

Zhong Yu Bai hadn’t left yet. He was sitting in the car, smoking. Watching the cigarette almost burn out, if she hadn’t called suddenly, he might have stepped on the gas. So with her somewhat weak and nasal tone, he halted his engine once more.

He was slightly puzzled, then asked softly, “Weren’t things fine just now?”

She wrapped herself in the shawl, covering her face, revealing a pair of teary eyes. Detected something wrong by him, Ji Zhen Tang dropped the act and burst into tears again.

She sniffled and stuttered, her words disjointed, piecing together: “Because, because I can’t control my tears. It feels awful! It’s not good at all to cry uncontrollably.”

Zhong Yu Bai was silent for a moment, then said earnestly, “Okay.”

“Not okay!”

“Okay.”

Ji Zhen Tang suddenly resisted, insisting on arguing with him. “Where is it okay? Tell me, where is it okay!”

Zhong Yu Bai felt helpless, hearing her voice he was afraid she might bite her tongue. Slowly, he sighed, “Are you sure you want to talk about this now?”

It’s obvious what he meant. The most urgent thing is to calm down your own emotions.

She said, “Hurry up and tell me, I want to know.”

Zhong Yu Bai responded, “Your characteristic is the signal for those who love you to find you.”

His voice was calm and gentle as always. When he was with her, this voice would soften the coldness in her personality, leaving her with a long-lasting warmth, like being three feet away from a winter fireplace, just right.

Not letting her feel cold, nor burning her.

In this kind of warmth, she cried even louder.

“Do you need me to come over?” Zhong Yu Bai asked.

Ji Zhen Tang stopped him, “Don’t come, I won’t die from crying, but my aunt might kill me.”

After a while, he could only firmly say, “Then I’ll wait until you finish crying before I leave.”

She tried hard to restrain her tears, and it worked. The stuck eyelashes separated, her vision cleared, and her rationality returned a bit.

“When I have money, I will definitely not invite you to eat hotpot. I’ll take you to the most luxurious hotel, the most luxurious in the world. Where is it—Dubai? It doesn’t matter, I’ll spend a lot of money to let you taste the best food while understanding me. I want you to know that I’m not stingy, I just don’t have that much money. When I grow up and have the ability, I also want to give you the best.”

He listened, comforted her, and kept promising.

Finally, Ji Zhen Tang ran out of words. She fell silent for a moment, then mentioned, “There’s one more question I want to ask you.”

“Mmm,” he responded.

“Suppose, hypothetically. You fall in love with someone, but there’s a huge gap between you two, exaggerated to the point where the whole world opposes it, like… like me and Zhong Heng. Compared to the arranged marriage partner his parents might arrange for him, my existence seems very insignificant. Although he says he likes me on the surface, he actually agrees with his parents’ views in his heart. So he has said many times that he won’t let me marry into his family. If such a thing happens, would you still love her while deep down looking down on that person?”

Zhong Yu Bai didn’t spend too much time thinking about this question. He said, “Love is attraction, not exchange. I wouldn’t.”

His simple answer stunned her, and it seemed to thaw the ice in her heart, finally stopping her tears.

Ji Zhen Tang’s voice lowered a bit, then she asked again, “What if it’s a situation where you are powerless to change?”

He thought for a moment, then sighed lightly and said slowly, “So far, besides seeing you cry, there doesn’t seem to be anything that makes me feel powerless.”

Ji Zhen Tang was stunned for two seconds, then she thought again that there was nothing wrong with what he said. She relaxed her tense spine, which had been as tight as if negotiating, and slowly lay back on the bed, calling out to him warmly, “Zhong Yu Bai.”

She weakly uttered a sentence, “Be a little bad to me.”

To be a little bad, to create a bit more distance.

Then she wouldn’t be dreaming.

He asked, “What should I do?”

She said, “Hang up my call, right away, immediately.”

Zhong Yu Bai didn’t hang up. After thinking for a while, he said three words, “I’m sorry.”

It was an apology for his inability to do this thing.

The man said gently, “I can’t be bad.”

From the receiver, she seemed to hear the wind and his footsteps returning.

In the end, it was Ji Zhen Tang who hung up first.

Opening the window, the man was really downstairs, wearing a black coat, his hands in his pockets, standing tall in the wind. Perhaps he was still worried, so he walked back again. Zhong Yu Bai looked up at Ji Zhen Tang. His face, which had been calm like the night, dark and obscure like the night with no visible path, revealed a natural warmth when their eyes met.

Zhong Yu Bai smiled gently, made a fist, and shook it by his eye, making a cute crying expression.

As if joking, she was a crybaby.

Ji Zhen Tang was afraid that he would see her embarrassment, so she covered her face with a shawl. But under the expensive fabric, her lips also subtly lifted, loosening the stiff and dry lips.

She clasped her hands against her face and posed as if sleeping. Silently telling him: I’m going to sleep!

Reluctantly closing the window.

The bitter night was long. Back in bed, Ji Zhen Tang put on her headphones and listened to “Moon River” all night.

The more times she listened, the more she thought of him.

The next morning, Ji Zhen Tang thought she should apologize to her aunt again, wanting to be more sincere, but time didn’t allow, and she was also afraid of embarrassment. She grabbed a steamed bun, hastily said, “Auntie, I’m sorry,” and ran off. Ji Xinhe also had something to say, but seeing her rushing off, she swallowed her words and shook her head.

On the way back to school, Ji Zhen Tang finally faced up to something. The good news she had planned to show Zhong Yu Bai yesterday, the website where her work was shortlisted couldn’t be opened.

Do I need to use the campus network? With this thought in mind, she logged into the school’s WiFi when she arrived, but even after trying, it still wouldn’t load.

Stuck in a dilemma, Ji Zhen Tang rubbed her right eyelid, which had been twitching all along, worriedly, unable to concentrate in class.

She didn’t continue with her afternoon classes. Ji Zhen Tang went to the college office, found her class teacher who also served as her counselor. It was Monday, and the class teacher was busy with work, giving instructions to students one moment and making phone calls the next. Ji Zhen Tang couldn’t wait, so she interrupted, “Sorry, teacher, I just want to ask a small thing, whether this website not opening or it’s because of my phone.”

“What website?” The teacher, who looked quite gentle, held her phone, glanced at Ji Zhen Tang’s phone—or rather, didn’t really look at it at all—and smiled while talking on the phone, “Oh, I know, I know, just tell me, I’m listening.”

Ji Zhen Tang: “…”

She held her phone, feeling somewhat at a loss as she looked around.

The vice-dean happened to be there, a beautiful woman, leisurely admiring her newly done nails.

Ji Zhen Tang went to ask if she could borrow a computer. The vice-dean lifted her manicured nail and glanced at her, then listened as she finished stating her name before suddenly saying, “Ah, the hairpin that made it to the jewelry competition, right?”

Following that, she explained to him, “The website isn’t accessible. Probably the programmers haven’t started work yet. Didn’t your homeroom teacher inform you? The list of finalists might have some changes.”

“Changes? Wasn’t it just two of us from our class who made it?” she asked, puzzled.

“There have been some adjustments,” the vice-dean continued admiring her manicure, not taking it seriously and brushing her off.

Ji Zhen Tang wasn’t naive. “I don’t understand. Could you please be specific?”

Once the ball starts rolling, it won’t stop.

The vice-dean pointed to a teacher who had just entered the room. “Hey, Teacher Liu, come here and explain the competition matters to her. I’m not in charge of this area. I don’t know how these things are ultimately decided.”

The man called Teacher Liu came over, a subject teacher. He said, “You’re Ji Zhen Tang, right?”

She nodded and explained the situation again.

“This matter, I forgot to inform you. Your entry that made it to the finals was quite favored by the judging teachers, but after some more rigorous screening, they might have felt that your qualification for participation wasn’t sufficient—”

Ji Zhen Tang interrupted, “Are there strict qualifications for participation? Are university students not allowed, or is it just female students?”

Her tone had a sharp edge, making Teacher Liu a bit uncomfortable. He lowered his head slightly, patted her shoulder, and said in a subdued tone, “If you want to participate, there will be opportunities next year.”

Finally, he added with profound meaning, “In the world, there are often many things beyond our control.”

Ji Zhen Tang said, “I don’t understand. Was someone else already chosen?”

“We can’t exactly say it was already decided,” Teacher Liu clicked his tongue, scratched his head, and in a subdued voice, with a hint of seriousness, advised, “The teachers have already advocated for you, but you should know, in this world, many things have been predetermined since your birth, including this matter. It may seem like a small episode, but fundamentally, its decision, its direction, are not within our control.”

In conclusion, he said, “In any case, wait for the notification.”

Ji Zhen Tang persisted, “Who was chosen instead?”

Teacher Liu’s face turned slightly pale. He pointed at his phone and mouthed, “Go back and check.”

His gaze was like a certain kind of suggestion, implying that they were indeed powerless.

Ji Zhen Tang tried to open the webpage that wouldn’t load, feeling anxious. She hurried back to the dormitory. The room was empty. She kept switching networks, refreshing countless times, and finally, the webpage was fixed!

However, upon closer inspection, the redesigned entry displayed was still the hairpin she designed.

But the signature had been changed to: Zhao Siqi.

Ji Zhen Tang was shocked.

Lin Guixue happened to enter the room carrying books, yawning, “Why didn’t you go to class?”

Ji Zhen Tang said, “Someone replaced my design work. No, not replaced, my signature was swapped. Zhao Siqi is going to submit my work for the competition!”

Lin Guixue didn’t quite understand, “Don’t worry, what… What’s going on? Explain slowly.”

Ji Zhen Tang showed her the announcement of the competition participants, which was an image, not a document. She had forgotten to keep evidence from the last time. With this change, there was no trace left.

Lin Guixue couldn’t believe it and exclaimed, “Once it’s announced, how can they retract it?”

“Some people can manipulate things as they wish, retracting an announcement is nothing,” Ji Zhen Tang said indignantly, then muttered, “I had guessed it was him long ago. Who else would want to mess with me?”

Lin Guixue thought carefully, “The way you put it, it does make sense. Did his brand project fail? He had been hyping it up for so long, but before it went public, his biggest investor withdrew.”

Yes, it was Zhong Yu Bai’s project.

Ji Zhen Tang nodded.

Lin Guixue said, “That explains why he did this. First, he wants to mess with you, and second, if he wins with your work, maybe he can get back the investment. Does his father not have any money left? Couldn’t he spare a bit?”

Ji Zhen Tang said, “It’s definitely not just a little money. The prize money from the competition won’t even be enough for him to pick his teeth. He wants to start a company.”

Lin Guixue pondered, “Even if it’s not for money, gaining reputation is also good. Fame and profit are always intertwined. Anyway, it must be advantageous for him.”

Ji Zhen Tang fell silent for a moment and asked, “Where’s Zhao Siqi?”

“I don’t know, he didn’t come to class today,” Lin Guixue quickly grabbed her phone. “Let me ask.”

They soon got an answer. Zhao Siqi didn’t come to class today; he went to a bar.

Ji Zhen Tang couldn’t delay and had to go find him to settle the score.

Lin Guixue was afraid she might get into trouble and offered to go with her.

Ji Zhen Tang grabbed her belongings and headed out. But at the door, she turned back and reached into her pencil case, pulling out a utility knife and slipping it into her pocket.

Come what may!

When the two arrived at the entrance of the club where Zhao Siqi was, they found it was restricted. Lin Guixue called him, not expecting that she brought someone along. Zhao Siqi’s tone was affectionate, “Called you several times, why are you so proactive today?”

Lin Guixue gave a dry smile. “I’m free. Hurry up and open the door for me.”

By the time Ji Zhen Tang reached the upstairs, she couldn’t maintain her composure anymore. Her wrist kept trembling. With that trembling wrist, she pushed open the door to the private room, and a rush of warm, smoky air hit her.

The lights in the private room intertwined like golden threads, with men and women gathered around playing poker.

Lin Guixue raised her phone and took a snapshot of the scene.

“It’s you.” Zhao Siqi, surrounded by companions, sitting in the central position, was the first to see Ji Zhen Tang, who stormed in aggressively, followed by Lin Guixue. He sneered, “Oh, so you’ve turned assertive today. Turns out you’re setting me up.”

Lin Guixue was about to argue, but seeing Ji Zhen Tang stepping forward, she held her tongue.

Ji Zhen Tang walked into the smoke and dust, keeping a distance as she calmly looked at him. “Can you guarantee that you have the ability to keep this matter from being exposed?”

Zhao Siqi shook his head with a smile. “I don’t understand what you’re talking about.”

He propped his legs on the coffee table in front, pushing aside the two girls beside him, lowering his head to light a cigarette.

“We, surnamed Zhao, are born to be superior. In my whole life, apart from killing and arson, I haven’t done any ‘good deeds’. What exactly are you calculating by coming here today? Be clear about it.”

Ji Zhen Tang smiled thinly. “Is stealing someone else’s work also considered a good deed? People like you, who lack morality, will sooner or later end up in the depths of hell. Even Yama would want to slap you.”

“Oh, are you talking about that competition?” Zhao Siqi slowly spoke, staring at Ji Zhen Tang with a strange tone, “How come? Weren’t you backed by someone powerful? How did you suddenly become powerless?”

Ji Zhen Tang was stunned.

“Or is it that you offer yourself to the big shots to play with, and when they get bored—” Zhao Siqi showed a mocking smile, spreading his hands outwards, “he broke up?”

“…”

“Besides being dumped, I can’t think of any other explanation. The people you curry favor with can’t even handle such a small matter?”

A glass of wine was lifted up by her and splashed heavily, along with the glass slipping from her hand. Zhao Siqi’s face turned aside, a strand of his hair wet, and the wine glass rolled from her chest to the ground.

Only Lin Guixue saw that Ji Zhen Tang’s neck was visibly strained with veins and sweat.

“You’re talking nonsense!”

Lin Guixue quickly intervened, grabbing Ji Zhen Tang’s arm slightly to restrain her more intense fighting spirit.

Zhao Siqi, furious but laughing, let out a heavy breath without resorting to violence. He sat back heavily, wiped his face with his palm to adjust his mood, then took out a wallet from the table and pulled out a card from it.

Holding the card between his fingers, Zhao Siqi raised it up and seriously negotiated terms with her.

“There’s ten thousand yuan in the card, enough to buy your broken hairpin. I’ll give you two options. First, take this card and leave.”

He pointed to the door as he spoke.

Continuing, he said, “Second, kneel down, apologize and beg to me.”

Zhao Siqi paused at this point, glanced back at his brother beside him with profound meaning, and smiled, “No, that’s not right, it’s too cheap for her to just kneel? Splashing wine on brothers’ faces without consequences, would it not encourage others to treat us like soft tomatoes?”

Saying so, amidst laughter, he looked at Ji Zhen Tang again, scanning her up and down, “So why don’t you strip naked and kneel?”

“Strip naked, kneel down, and say sorry, sir, I was wrong.” The guy smirked sinisterly, making a phone gesture with his fingers near his ear, “I’ll contact the school immediately and return the credit to you.”

Ji Zhen Tang reached into her bag, quietly touching her utility knife, but her wrist was held down by Lin Guixue again. Her hand was led downward, feeling a phone camera.

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