Chapter 52: There Is No Winning Or Losing Between Lovers

Ji Zhen Tang felt a bit uncomfortable, not sure if it was because of her illness. Although her fever had subsided, her mood was still low.

It was past midnight when they were on their way back. Zhong Yu Bai adjusted the car’s heater to the perfect temperature. Ji Zhen Tang lay in the warm airflow, feeling his hand reach out to check her temperature.

She weakly lifted her eyelids and saw his pale, bony wrist.

Even though nothing bad had happened, people can still feel inexplicably down. Perhaps she remembered the book that said, forming bonds means bearing the risk of tears. She slowly felt the truth of this statement, feeling sad for her past innocence, realizing that love and pain are inseparable.

This statement was so true.

Zhong Yu Bai confirmed that her fever had subsided and looked at her weak eyes, saying, “Sleep for a while, there’s still a bit of a drive.”

Ji Zhen Tang was very sleepy, but she shook her head and took out her phone to watch short videos, trying to stay awake.

It was as if she was worried that falling asleep would shorten the journey, depriving her of a chance to feel the warmth of being with him. Every minute and second was worth remembering. She didn’t take off the gold twist tie. All the way home.

Ji Zhen Tang didn’t have to touch the ground as he carried her to the bed. 

She talked to Zhong Yu Bai about her initial plans for her account. He sat by the bed, peeling an orange for her, listening silently, and then said affirmatively, “It will get better and better.”

Ji Zhen Tang asked him, “Will I become a successful person?”

She looked at him eagerly, her expectation was obvious, clearly wanting him to say yes.

But Zhong Yu Bai unexpectedly asked her back, “How do you define success?”

Ji Zhen Tang thought for a moment, “Like you.”

Zhong Yu Bai said, “Finding light in the dark is success, smooth sailing is success, and happiness is also a kind of success.”

The life philosophy he had always instilled in her could be summarized in a few words: happiness is paramount, go with the flow. The rest is left to the unpredictable fate, beyond human control.

He said, “If you calculate it that way, you already are.”

Ji Zhen Tang couldn’t help but sigh, feeling that his words made sense, but also thinking that such words shouldn’t be fed to someone her age: “With such carefree words, my ambition will be spoiled by you.”

“Ambition is still necessary, I just don’t want you to suffer.” With a tissue in his hand, Zhong Yu Bai handed her the peeled orange and said meaningfully, “If thoughts have levels, being carefree should be slightly higher than being persistent, don’t you think?”

“…”

Listening to him further, Ji Zhen Tang felt she could retire peacefully tomorrow. She sat up and declared, “No, I want to work hard and become an excellent designer. You need to motivate me, you can’t always say: happiness is enough.”

Zhong Yu Bai, sitting by the bed, looked at her with a gentle face and a slight smile.

Perhaps he didn’t want to say anything motivational, but under her strong suggestion, he nodded.

The rest of Ji Zhen Tang’s luggage was brought over by Ding Jialing on the way to the hospital. It wasn’t much, fitting into half a closet.

She said it was convenient because she changed her seasonal clothes every year. Her entire belongings seemed sparse and pitiful.

Besides that, there was a sketchbook with a page torn out. Ji Zhen Tang showed him her childhood drawings.

Really boring.

She flipped through it for a long time, finding it extremely boring. Childhood aesthetics couldn’t be carried over to the present, full of flaws.

But Zhong Yu Bai appreciated them carefully.

She was good at using colors, with high saturation. Whether drawing animals, landscapes, or whimsical cosmic banks, they were bright and vivid, making people feel that the world under her brush was sunny every day, with a unique personality.

Ji Zhen Tang said, “Looking at it this way, I was quite flamboyant as a child.”

Zhong Yu Bai stopped looking at the drawings, propped his elbow on the pillow, and looked at her instead, without speaking.

She said, “I definitely can’t draw like this now. Each stage has different moods, right?”

After summarizing, she threw the sketchbook aside and suddenly asked, “By the way, I was thinking at the hospital, would you be willing to learn cooking for me? Just…”

She thought for a moment and explained, “Not the kind where you pop a toast out of a machine, or mix raw vegetables with sauce to make a salad. I mean real cooking, with smoke, fire, a stove, cooking rice. Do you understand?”

Zhong Yu Bai silently understood her words and said, “A little.”

Ji Zhen Tang said, “But you seem like you haven’t touched household chores, probably not as good as me.”

He smiled, not denying it.

Not wanting to delve deeper into the topic, he mentioned that the Zhong family would be burning offerings for the deceased tomorrow, going to the temple early. The old lady at home wanted to burn incense and offer lamps, so he told her to rest early if she was tired.

Ji Zhen Tang became curious, “You’re going to the temple? Then ask the Buddha to tie a red string for us.”

She said, hooking the makeshift ring on her ring finger and smiling at him.

Zhong Yu Bai didn’t smile, but said seriously, “How can a happy event coincide with a memorial day? Be serious, choose a good day, and then ask for a marriage blessing.”

It was hard to tell if he was serious or just coaxing her, but Ji Zhen Tang smiled happily.

The next day was the seventh day of the fifth month, the fifth anniversary of his second brother’s death. The old lady said her grandson came to her in a dream, saying it was too cold underground and he needed more clothes.

So she insisted on going to the temple to make a wish.

The temple was cleared of people, and Zhong Yu Bai was not in charge of the family affairs. He arrived a little late, climbed the mountain, and saw the Zhong family’s relatives worshiping with the old lady in front of the incense altar.

Zhong Yu Bai, dressed in a solemn black suit, lightly rolled up his sleeves, washed his hands, took two sticks of incense, and nodded to his father, Zhong Bingwen, who smiled back.

The second person to notice him crossing the threshold was his second sister-in-law, Xue Jinyun.

When she wasn’t having an episode, Xue Jinyun’s eyes were full of contempt, especially when she saw Zhong Yu Bai. She laughed coldly, too exaggeratedly, drawing everyone’s attention, all fearing she would go mad the next second.

Until Zhong Danting shouted, “Third Uncle is here.”

She walked up to him in a few steps, and Zhong Yu Bai, amidst many gazes, met Zhong Heng’s eyes.

Zhong Heng, who should have come to greet him, said nothing today. He pursed his lips, glanced at him, still looking unhappy, and quickly turned his gaze back to the faint smoke in front of him.

Zhong Yu Bai took out two prepared fruit candies from his pocket and handed them to his little niece.

People with different motives gathered together, and among them, only the old lady had some genuine feelings of mourning. After the ceremony, on the steps down the mountain, Zhong Yu Bai lagged behind and saw Zhong Heng’s back, calling out to him.

Zhong Heng stopped and asked what was the matter.

Zhong Yu Bai got straight to the point: “The daughter of the Wang family, who attended the last birthday party, is interested in you. Your father is also satisfied. If you like her, consider it.”

Zhong Heng knew his intention and replied rudely, “Like hell I do!”

Zhong Yu Bai looked into his eyes and said calmly, “Even if you don’t like her, you should consider it.”

He expressed his unyielding stance in a very gentle manner.

Zhong Heng knew his third uncle well; his words were like knives, often killing without a trace.

When Zhong Yu Bai decided on something, Zhong Heng had no room to defy it. Even if it meant marrying the Wang family’s daughter or even a pig, he couldn’t escape.

“…”

Knowing that struggling was futile, Zhong Heng still expressed his rebellion and dissatisfaction, “You know who I like, so why humiliate me like this?”

Zhong Yu Bai was silent for a moment, contemplating the word “like,” then suddenly smiled.

Although it was early summer, standing on the misty mountainside, Zhong Heng felt the wind was very cold.

Facing Zhong Yu Bai’s deep eyes without a trace of a smile, Zhong Heng felt uneasy. He clenched his fists in his pockets and said, “I’ve already applied to a school. I planned this from the beginning, it has nothing to do with you.”

To show he wasn’t running away, he insisted on saying “from the beginning” to maintain his dwindling pride.

Zhong Yu Bai didn’t expose his thoughts, smiled without any real warmth in his eyes, and said, “Congratulations.”

---

Ji Zhen Tang returned to Tang Pavilion because she had asked Ji Xinhe to help make a dress, not for herself, but for Zhu Qingying.

She had arranged a time with Chen Ke for his wife to try on the dress. Ji Xinhe made a burgundy cheongsam to match the crucial hairpin.

That afternoon, when Ji Xinhe took out the dress, she was talking about Ji Huan.

Ji Zhen Tang didn’t want to listen or argue anymore, but in front of family, the conversation inevitably circled back to these matters.

“I heard your dad say it, they’ve argued about it several times. He doesn’t say it, but he’s heartbroken, saying his daughter is ungrateful and sides with outsiders.”

Ji Zhen Tang was surprised that her father would say such things behind her back, but she didn’t believe it: “He’s lying. He’s the best actor, turning a little sadness into a big drama. He only worries when he can’t control things, where was he earlier?”

Ji Xinhe sighed, unable to think of a way to mediate their issues.

Although she also thought Zhong Yu Bai was unreliable, but he wasn’t like Ji Huan, who would break people apart. After all, as a woman, she understood women’s thoughts best, so she didn’t overly criticize Ji Zhen Tang.

In the end, she only said, “You need to have a clear mind. It’s okay to say a few angry words to your dad, but let it go afterward. What’s important is your true thoughts. Don’t lose your head and end up losing yourself, the loss would be significant.”

Ji Zhen Tang understood that her aunt was telling her to stay clear-headed.

She said, “I’m very rational.”

When she said this, her mind was actually very muddled, only her mouth was clear.

A car sound came from downstairs.

Ji Zhen Tang leaned out of the window and saw a black Cullinan parked at the door, her jaw almost dropped—“No wonder he’s rich!”

Chen Ke was really impressive, driving his car straight into the alley.

The alley wasn’t particularly narrow, cars could enter, but it was a one-way street with a dead end ahead. He drove straight in and would have to back straight out later.

He showed no concern for his luxury car while also demonstrating his inseparability from his wife.

Zhu Qingying got out of the car, checking the house number to make sure she was at the right place. Ji Zhen Tang hurriedly went down to greet her, happily calling out, “Dr. Zhu, you’re here!”

Zhu Qingying turned to see her and said, “Long time no see.”

She wore a simple light gauze white dress, her slender waist cinched tight, with no excessive decorations, perfectly complementing her delicate appearance.

Elegant and refreshing, like a spotless winter narcissus, nurtured in a clean porcelain vase, meticulously cared for, with petals and leaves growing to the most exquisite and perfect curves.

Zhu Qingying spoke softly, her demeanor carrying a touch of purity and a hint of melancholy.

Ji Zhen Tang couldn’t stop praising her.

Zhu Qingying was exactly the image of a refined lady from the water towns of Jiangnan in her mind, reminding her of the goddesses in her middle school class who were pure and unpretentious, quiet and graceful.

Talking to her required a gentle tone, and the noisy background seemed to slow down in her poetic eyes.

Ji Zhen Tang stared at the fitting room door, and a few minutes later, the model finally came out.

The narcissus was adorned with festive edges.

“It feels like the dress I wore for the wedding toast, like getting married again.”

Zhu Qingying softly remarked in front of the mirror.

Ji Zhen Tang said, “Our theme is related to weddings, but it’s about ancient weddings.”

She went over, helped her put on the hairpin, and adjusted the dress. Ji Zhen Tang asked her, “Did you get married early?”

Zhu Qingying: “Yes, not long after graduation.”

She blurted out, “I’m so envious.” It was an instinctive response.

“Envious of what? Do you want to get married too?” Zhu Qingying looked at her.

“Why not? Isn’t marriage good?” Ji Zhen Tang asked.

Zhu Qingying smiled lightly, “Yes, it is.”

Ji Zhen Tang: “Haha, opening a blind box also has its fun, right!”

Zhu Qingying was stunned, not knowing what to say, then blushed.

Ji Zhen Tang smiled and said, “Thank you for helping me.”

She said lightly, “If your relationship with Third Brother is stable, and we become relatives in the future, of course, I should help with such small matters.”

This time it was Ji Zhen Tang’s turn to be stunned and blush.

With her words, Ji Zhen Tang felt that this matter was likely agreed upon thanks to Zhong Yu Bai.

She curiously asked, “Is he also the third in the Chen family?”

“Among the cousins, yes. Quite a coincidence, right?” Zhu Qingying thought for a moment, “But now it shouldn’t count. He had an older brother who passed away from cancer in Singapore, so there’s only one older cousin left.”

“Singapore…?” Ji Zhen Tang paused at the mention.

“Yes, the Chen family used to run a casino business in Singapore,” Zhu Qingying said while adjusting her collar, “They moved back to the country later. Didn’t he tell you?”

Singapore, the Chen family?

A thought suddenly sparked in her mind, recalling a long time ago when Huang Xingkui mentioned Zhong Yu Bai studying in Singapore. She didn’t pay much attention then, but now she slowly realized he had a brother with the surname Chen.

Was it a coincidence?

Soon, a man stood at the door.

Chen Ke, impatient from waiting in the car, came to check on the progress. He wore a pair of dark sunglasses, covering his handsome eyes. Leaning lazily against the door frame, his tall figure blocked half the sunlight, dimming the room.

“Not done yet?” he asked.

Both women turned their attention to him.

Chen Ke’s gaze didn’t leave his wife, slowly scanning her.

Soon, his view was blocked by someone stepping in front of him.

“Mr. Chen,” Ji Zhen Tang, grasping some clues, couldn’t wait to ask the man for clarification. Her thoughts were a mess, and she blurted out, “Are you from the Chen family?”

“…”

Chen Ke slightly lowered his head, looking at her with disdain for a moment.

She awkwardly cleared her throat, about to rephrase her question, but Chen Ke had already walked past her towards his beaming wife.

Ji Zhen Tang witnessed what it meant to have eyes only for one person.

On the way to Shen Zhang Garden, Ding Jialing noticed Ji Zhen Tang’s unusual silence and tried to start several conversations, but she wasn’t interested.

Unbeknownst to him, she was holding the crabapple hairpin given to her by the young master of the Chen family in her pocket.

Zhong Yu Bai was waiting for her in the tea room, reading a book by Lu Xun, the words much more upright and stern compared to her box full of romantic novels.

Seeing him, Ji Zhen Tang smiled with relief.

She hid the hairpin deep, not mentioning it at all.

Zhong Yu Bai brewed some goji flower tea, drinking it himself and pouring some for her, well-versed in the art of health maintenance. Ji Zhen Tang sat cross-legged on the stool beside him, noticing the bank card he pushed over.

He said, “This is part of the revenue from the first quarter after the listing.”

Ji Zhen Tang asked excitedly, “Oh my, is it from my hairpin? Did you ask Editor Huang for it?”

He teased, “It’s your profit. Letting someone take a share is one thing, but not taking a penny is unreasonable.”

Then he added, “I bargained with her and got this half share.”

Although she didn’t know how much it was, she guessed it wasn’t much, considering her obscure little brand. Ji Zhen Tang generously said, “I don’t care about this little money, you keep it for me.”

Zhong Yu Bai laughed, “To be a successful person, you’re already starting to disregard small money.”

Ji Zhen Tang smiled proudly.

He complied with her wish, taking back the card, and said, “I explained our relationship to Editor Huang for a long time. She finally believed you’re not my niece. Lies are hard to maintain and hard to break.”

Ji Zhen Tang pretended to sigh, “Alright, now the whole world knows we’re a couple. It’s hard to end this.”

Zhong Yu Bai looked at her lowered eyes and asked softly, “End what?”

She picked at sunflower seeds, deliberately not answering, smiling.

He didn’t ask further, then brought up another matter, “I talked to Zhong Heng. He decided to go abroad soon.”

“Going abroad? Did you ask him to?”

Zhong Yu Bai answered indirectly, “I don’t expect him to make a name for himself. It’s good for him to see the outside world.”

She murmured, “Even when you hurt people, you’re very gentle.”

As noon approached, Zhong Yu Bai asked if she wanted to have lunch. Ji Zhen Tang asked who would be there. He said, “Grandma, my dad, Aunt Xu, and Chi Ying might come to play cards in the afternoon.”

After hearing this, she decisively refused, “I don’t want to deal with your family for now.”

Zhong Yu Bai didn’t insist, understanding her avoidance, and soon had a meal delivered to the tea room.

He accompanied her to eat.

Fermented bean curd pork, Dongpo pork, marinated edamame, and a dish of water bamboo. Served with two bowls of steaming rice.

“Try it, my cooking. See if it has the homely feel you want.”

Ji Zhen Tang was about to pick up her chopsticks when she heard this, pausing in mid-air, and asked in surprise, “Did you really make this?”

Zhong Yu Bai smiled and asked, “Don’t you trust me even this much?”

He picked up a piece of meat and placed it in her bowl.

She couldn’t believe his execution was so impressive. Many of her words were just casual remarks. He took them seriously, finding time to study recipes amidst his busy schedule.

Ji Zhen Tang ate silently at the table today, their exclusive dining table. It was also here that he let her feel his heartbeat.

Memories flooded her mind.

She buried her head, her jaw trembling, and said, “It’s delicious, Zhong Yu Bai. I really lost to you.”

Her head was low, not looking at his face, only hearing the sound of the bowl being placed down moments later.

The man freed his hand and gently caressed her dry cheek, saying softly, “Lose to anyone, but not to me.”

Ji Zhen Tang’s throat was dry, unable to speak.

Zhong Yu Bai said, “I never thought of competing with you. There’s no winning or losing between lovers.”

Such touching words brought tears to her eyes. Ji Zhen Tang looked up, her eyes filled with a hint of sadness, gazing at him.

He asked, “It’s just a meal, what sad thing did it remind you of?”

“It’s not sadness, I’m just very touched. You made me feel the warmth of everyday life,” she said, pointing to the table full of dishes. “It’s so endearing.”

Zhong Yu Bai smiled, not quite understanding the term.

It made him seem like he wasn’t from this world.

When he showed his confusion, she confidently said, “You aren’t from this world. You don’t have that feeling at all!”

Naturally, he asked, “What feeling?”

Ji Zhen Tang, chewing on her food, mumbled, “I can’t describe it.”

He didn’t press further.

The conversation could go on forever, but the meal had to be finished.

After the meal, Ji Zhen Tang felt sleepy and dozed off in the chair.

Zhong Yu Bai returned the Lu Xun essay collection to the study, a book he had casually borrowed from Zhong Bingwen.

As he was about to leave, Zhong Bingwen, who was practicing calligraphy, called out to him—“A while ago, on your second brother’s death anniversary, Xiaoyu ordered a wreath to be sent to the cemetery. Did you know about this?”

Zhong Yu Bai leaned against the desk on the other side: “Isn’t it normal for him to commemorate his father?”

“He also sent a letter back during the New Year.”

“He has always been in contact with Aheng.”

Zhong Bingwen seemed to want to say something but hesitated, his worried eyes full of unspoken words. Finally, he voiced his concern: “I’m afraid he will come back.”

Zhong Yu Bai remained completely calm: “People have legs, they can go wherever they want. If he wants to come back, let him. What are you afraid of?”

“His mother is now so mad, constantly saying you killed his father. Your second brother’s death is indeed connected to you. Even though you sent Xiaoyu away back then, he couldn’t have been deaf to everything. He understands these things clearly. Of course, I’m worried about what he might do to you.”

Zhong Yu Bai listened, his gaze unwavering.

His fingers lightly supported his chin, as if in thought, but after a long time, he remained indifferent.

Zhong Bingwen sighed repeatedly and said, “Revenge never ends. Of course, I’m afraid.”

Zhong Yu Bai asked, “Do you think I can’t handle his threat?”

Zhong Bingwen shook his head, his brow furrowed with bitterness: “I just hope you don’t get caught up in hatred again, even for the sake of that girl by your side. You have a weakness now, it’s not like before.”

Zhong Yu Bai was reaching for his cigarette case. Hearing this, his fingers trembled, his eyes flashed coldly, and a cigarette silently fell into his palm.

The word “weakness” was like a thorn, piercing the softest part of his heart.

Seeing his unusual expression, Zhong Bingwen continued, “I’m just pointing out a possibility. But you and that girl won’t have a happy ending. No matter the threat, as long as you know how to act wisely and let her go, the fire won’t reach her.”

Not mentioning anything else, but implying they won’t have a happy ending—

The probing nature of this statement was too strong.

Zhong Yu Bai raised an eyebrow unexpectedly: “What if I say we will?”

Zhong Bingwen shook his head: “You shouldn’t be so foolish. She means nothing to you.”

“What do you mean by ‘nothing’?”

“A wife should naturally be like a husband’s right-hand man.” This statement was absurd and outdated. Zhong Bingwen tried to use his old-fashioned thinking to influence his son’s thoughts. “What can she help you with?”

Zhong Yu Bai said, “I’m strong enough, I don’t need anyone to support me. Your argument is outdated.”

Zhong Bingwen, lacking ability but full of reasoning, said, “You also need to consider the family’s reputation. Many eyes are watching, waiting to see your downfall. There are plenty of eligible daughters wanting to marry in. If you don’t choose one and instead pick an illegitimate daughter, the family’s reputation will be ruined. Do you want to see that?”

Zhong Yu Bai lit a cigarette, about to smoke. His father’s words showed a hint of annoyance in his eyes.

It was evident in the deepening of his gaze.

The cigarette hung at his fingertips. He wondered when Zhong Bingwen had investigated her but didn’t ask. Zhong Yu Bai said, “Her father’s mistakes shouldn’t be her burden. That’s not fair.”

Zhong Bingwen said, “Regardless, others won’t care if she made mistakes. The label attached to her is real.”

Zhong Yu Bai said, “The family won’t fall because of a love affair. My abilities won’t be destroyed this. Don’t impose your biases and obsessions on yourself. Worrying unnecessarily, arguing with me, and breaking everything apart is what’s truly meaningless.”

His voice rose slightly, speaking each word clearly for his father to hear, with conviction.

Zhong Bingwen took a breath, unable to believe Zhong Yu Bai’s current anger: “Is she really that special to you?”

Zhong Yu Bai answered sincerely, “I rarely imagine forever, but only with her do I feel the future isn’t so bad.”

Before Zhong Bingwen could respond, he added, “Dad, you were absent for most of my life. I rarely received any useful advice from you, so I had to figure out some truths on my own. A person’s worth shouldn’t be defined by trivial information, nor should we use others’ eyes as mirrors. Living upright and well is what’s important.”

“…”

Zhong Bingwen was speechless.

Being overshadowed by his son didn’t fit his ethical beliefs. Father not being a father, son not being a son. It was too twisted.

Even his weak temper made him angry, but his habit of swallowing his anger made him suppress it, brewing rebuttals but swallowing them again and again, ultimately saying nothing.

Chi Ying came to Shen Zhang Garden after lunch, often coming to find someone to play cards.

She happened to meet Ji Zhen Tang, who had just woken up and was looking for Zhong Yu Bai, in the corridor.

Ji Zhen Tang wanted to ask for directions and saw Aunt Xu watering flowers nearby. Before she could speak, someone stopped her—

“It’s you again.”

Chi Ying’s sharp voice matched her sharp words, full of malice and the lowest form of sarcasm: “You’re quite good at it, aren’t you? Casting spells on the Zhong family men. Where did you learn this witchcraft? Teach me too.”

Zhong Yu Bai’s conversation with his father was interrupted at this point by Chi Ying’s sudden words.

The ash from his cigarette fell into the tray, light and floating, yet it seemed to land with a heavy thud. He discarded the cigarette and walked out the door.

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