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Chapter 57: He Can No Longer Let Go
Pei Wenxuan stiffened his back, feeling Li Rong’s touch, and his mind went blank. He didn’t dare to speak, afraid he might say something inappropriate. He could only remain stiff and silent.
Li Rong leaned against him, and after a while, she straightened up and sighed, “Forget it, this is just your nature. Let me help you remove the debris from your wound first.”
Pei Wenxuan said nothing. He felt Li Rong getting closer, carefully picking out the thorns from his back. Her breath, warm and hot, spread across his back, then extended to his limbs.
While helping him remove the debris from the wound, Li Rong said, “Next time you encounter something like this, at least discuss it with me so I have an idea. You always say I don’t understand people’s hearts and don’t consider others’ difficulties, but I think you care too much about others’ difficulties.”
Pei Wenxuan listened quietly. Li Rong rarely spoke to him like this, like a nagging old lady, casually talking about trivial matters.
“You always said you didn’t want to be like your father, who spoiled your mother so much that she didn’t understand anything. But deep down, you’re just like him. Your mother lived in a noble family, and after your father died, she didn’t think about keeping things for her son. Instead, when you went to Luzhou, she was deceived out of almost everything.”
“She handed over the household management rights, gave your father’s money to the family, and didn’t care about anything. She even let your second uncle send away all the old servants your father left behind. For doing these things, you should have scolded her directly when you returned from Luzhou.”
“I said it, but it was useless,” Pei Wenxuan sighed. “She has always been weak…”
“Can’t she learn not to be weak?” Li Rong got angry as she spoke. “If she can’t protect you, why did she give birth to you? Does she deserve to be a mother? Do you think I don’t understand your thoughts? You just think she’s weak and can’t do anything, so you never tell her your troubles. You always report good news but not bad news. She hides in the Buddha hall all day thinking about your father, knowing nothing, while you endure everything outside. Your stubborn temper makes me worried.”
Pei Wenxuan listened without speaking. Li Rong finished treating his wound and watched him pull his clothes back on. She observed his expression for a moment and asked cautiously, “Did I speak too harshly?”
“Why does Your Highness ask that?” Pei Wenxuan was somewhat puzzled.
Li Rong pursed her lips, hesitated for a moment, then sat beside him and sighed softly, “I’m not a fool. I seriously think about what you say to me. You said I don’t understand people’s hearts, and it’s true. I often think from my own perspective and overlook many things. You were injured at home today. If I said anything that upset you, please tell me.”
Hearing this, Pei Wenxuan couldn’t help but laugh, “Don’t worry, Your Highness.”
“Actually, from the moment Your Highness turned back to find me that day, no matter what you say, I won’t be upset.”
Li Rong turned back suspiciously, “Why?”
“Because Your Highness was willing to turn back for me, I knew that you had Wenxuan in your heart.”
Li Rong laughed at this, “You really think highly of yourself.”
Pei Wenxuan chuckled, “After all these years together, we are at least friends, right?”
Li Rong listened to Pei Wenxuan’s words and looked at his calm expression. After a moment, she finally said, “Forget it, let’s put tonight’s matter behind us. But my words, whether you think they are right or not, just listen to them.”
“Don’t always think about others. Whatever you want, you have to fight for it yourself. Whether the other party accepts it or not is their business, but you can’t give up. Madam Wen is your mother, whether she is weak or incompetent, she must fight for you once. You can’t let yourself fall into difficulties just because you are thinking about her.”
“But,” Pei Wenxuan looked at Li Rong seriously, “what if she is unwilling?”
“Wouldn’t she refuse?” Li Rong was quite puzzled, “Whether she is willing or not, you have to give her a choice. Whether to help you or return to her Buddha hall, she has to decide for herself. You can’t cut off her choice from the beginning.”
“But I know that path is better for her.”
Pei Wenxuan’s voice was a bit hoarse. Li Rong shook her head, “Pei Wenxuan, only the person involved knows which path is better.”
Pei Wenxuan said nothing, quietly looking at Li Rong.
The girl in front of him had the face of an eighteen-year-old, as beautiful as morning dew, glistening and about to fall. But in her eyes was a clarity and understanding that only comes after years of experience. She looked at him quietly, with a worry that wasn’t there in her previous life, and a gentleness that the eighteen-year-old Li Rong didn’t have.
This was a new Li Rong.
At the beginning of his rebirth, he thought about marrying the eighteen-year-old Li Rong because he thought they could start over.
When he knew Li Rong was reborn, he felt their fate was over.
But now he realized that at any point in life, when he wanted to, he could start anew.
He was different from the past, and Li Rong was different from her previous life.
He was changing, Li Rong was changing. Li Rong was like a child, exploring forward, even if she got hurt, at least she was changing. So why couldn’t he live this new life in a way he never had before?
In his previous life, he watched Li Rong and Su Rongqing together for twenty years.
It wasn’t that he couldn’t win or couldn’t take her away. He could have secretly killed Su Rongqing.
But he thought, since Li Rong chose Su Rongqing, no matter how jealous or painful he was, he would respect her choice.
But in this life, they hadn’t even started. Why should he retreat?
He should fight, he should strive, he should put the choice in front of Li Rong. Whether to stay or leave, at least Li Rong should give him an answer.
Countless crazy thoughts surged in his mind, but he didn’t show any of them. Like Li Rong, when it came to major matters, they both suppressed all their emotions, leaving no trace.
He looked at Li Rong, suppressing all his emotions and desires, and smiled lightly, “I will think about Your Highness’s words.”
“If you can think it through, that would be best.”
Li Rong said slowly, “After all, I can’t protect you for a lifetime.”
“I understand,” Pei Wenxuan lowered his voice, “I won’t always let Your Highness stand up for me.”
“As long as you know.”
As they spoke, the carriage arrived at the princess’s residence. Li Rong rarely helped Pei Wenxuan off the carriage. On the way, someone had already reported, so as soon as they arrived, the servants had prepared everything and served Pei Wenxuan.
The doctor came to examine Pei Wenxuan, then applied medicine and bandaged him. After a long time, he advised him to rest well and finally left.
After Pei Wenxuan was bandaged, Li Rong was also exhausted. They ate something casually, then washed up and lay down to rest.
Pei Wenxuan, injured on his back, lay on the bed watching Li Rong.
Li Rong, after bathing in the clean room, returned wearing a single garment, then blew out the lamp and climbed into bed.
Pei Wenxuan watched her without blinking. Li Rong noticed his gaze and, as she lifted the quilt to lie down, couldn’t help but laugh, “Why are you staring at me?”
“Your Highness is beautiful.”
Pei Wenxuan answered truthfully. Li Rong thought he was flattering her again and rolled her eyes, “Smooth talker.”
Pei Wenxuan tilted his head to look at her. Li Rong lay flat, closed her eyes, and after a while, she felt Pei Wenxuan was still looking at her. She couldn’t stand it anymore, opened her eyes, and laughed, “What are you looking at? I can’t sleep with you staring at me like that.”
Saying this, Li Rong turned her back to Pei Wenxuan and complained, “Go to sleep. You don’t have court tomorrow, but I do.”
Pei Wenxuan looked at Li Rong’s back for a while before saying, “Your Highness, what do you think of me as a person?”
“Hmm?”
Li Rong didn’t understand why Pei Wenxuan suddenly asked this question. Then she heard Pei Wenxuan say, “My father was a great man. When I was young, I always hoped to live like him, but he was like a mountain I could never climb over.”
“When I was young, my mother always said I wasn’t as good as my father. Other parents would be thrilled with any achievement from their children, but no matter what I did, my father would only say I was good, and my mother would only say I wasn’t.”
“So I’ve never known what kind of person I am. I’d like to hear Your Highness’s opinion.”
Pei Wenxuan’s voice was very soft, but Li Rong felt a bit sad listening to it.
She understood Pei Wenxuan’s words. He didn’t realize it himself, but she knew that deep down, he always felt he wasn’t good enough.
So whenever she gave him a little kindness, she could see ten times the gratitude and joy in him.
He was like this in his youth. Decades later, she thought he would have grown out of it. But when he asked this question, she realized that wounds left untreated only fester and grow in the dark.
She didn’t speak for a moment, making Pei Wenxuan anxious: “Your Highness?”
Feeling awkward, Pei Wenxuan said, “Your Highness must be tired. Let’s not chat anymore. I’m disturbing you. Please sleep…”
“I think you’re great.”
Li Rong suddenly spoke up, surprising Pei Wenxuan. With her back to him, she said softly, “I’m not blind. Do you think I would have been moved by just anyone in my past life?”
“I think you’re excellent. You’re good-looking, have a good temper, are considerate and gentle.”
“You have taste and knowledge. You excel in all six arts of a gentleman and are proficient in all the noble trends.”
“You learn everything quickly. The first time you drew my eyebrows it was crooked; within a month you could even do my makeup. The first time you did my hair it hurt my scalp; later there wasn’t a hairstyle you couldn’t do.”
“Although you’re sentimental and indecisive at times, it’s because you value emotions. A husband, a friend, or a family member who is indifferent like me would lack something in their relationships.”
“Pei Wenxuan,” Li Rong looked at the moonlight falling into the room and couldn’t help but smile herself as she spoke, “you’re actually very good.”
Pei Wenxuan didn’t speak. Listening to Li Rong’s words gave him immense courage in that moment.
He couldn’t let go anymore.
“Sorry, Your Highness.”
He spoke softly. Li Rong was puzzled: “Why are you…”
Before she could finish speaking, the person behind her suddenly reached out and pulled her into his arms.
They were tightly pressed together. Li Rong’s whole body stiffened as Pei Wenxuan held her tightly as if trying to merge her into his bones.
Li Rong felt completely enveloped by him; all her senses were magnified in the night.
His breath, his touch, his hand on her waist—everything about him was intensely perceived in her world.
Her heart was racing, and somehow, she thought of their wedding night.
The red canopy billowed like waves, and the brocade quilt rippled.
Pei Wenxuan sensed her emotional shift and the changes in her body. He gently relaxed his grip, half-propped himself up, and leaned close to her ear. His husky voice brushed past her earlobe, entered her ear canal, and drilled into her mind, inexplicably causing a tingling sensation.
“Rongrong,” he called her name. His usually clear voice carried an indescribable hoarseness. Li Rong’s mind buzzed, making it difficult to think. Then she heard him speak with a hint of sadness, “I’m feeling sad. Can I hold you?”
Li Rong couldn’t think clearly. She didn’t respond but didn’t resist either. Pei Wenxuan tightened his arms around her and buried his head in her neck.
“Rongrong,” he whispered, “I don’t want to let go anymore. I won’t let go, okay?”
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