Chapter 180: Asking For Freedom

The calmer it is, the more thrilling it becomes.

The noisy cicadas hide in the shadows of the trees, but they only accentuate the heart-stopping silence of the moment.

Jiang Xuening seemed to hear nothing, not even the cicadas outside the door and window, which seemed to be far away. Only her increasingly rapid heartbeat and the pulse transmitted through the palm tightly gripping her wrist were so clear and terrifying!

The Bi Du Hall is different from the Zhuoqin Hall.

The Zhuoqin Hall usually has servants attending to it, but no one dares to approach the Bi Du Hall lightly. At this moment, apart from the two of them, there was no one else at the door.

Jiang Xuening had also wondered in the past, what did Xie Wei think of her?

Disgust, dislike?

…

No matter what, she never thought of this moment today. It was something she wouldn’t think about, didn’t dare to think about, and had excluded from the beginning!

But Xie Wei broke all of this.

In her previous life, she was not an inexperienced, naive girl.

If it weren’t for Xie Wei being too special, she might not have realized it until today.

Jiang Xuening clenched her fingers tightly, barely able to control herself.

The hand gripping her wrist showed no sign of relaxing.

Xie Wei seemed to have done nothing out of the ordinary, still looking indifferent and otherworldly, with his eyes lowered as he looked at her, saying, “What’s wrong with staying in the capital?”

She was trembling.

Xie Wei seemed unaware, his voice indifferent as he said, “Your family no longer dares to provoke you easily, Xiao Dingfei accompanies you in your mischief outside, even the sister you usually dislike has married off. When Yan Lin returns to the capital, he will be happy to see you here. The princess has gone to Tatar for marriage, and the news comes fastest from the court. It’s good for you to be in the capital to know first-hand. If you can’t stand the days at home, I will propose to establish a women’s school at the Imperial Academy, and you can leave home to study without anyone criticizing you. Why must you leave?”

There was not a single word of coercion.

Even when he said these words, his expression was still distant and selfless, as if he was thinking entirely for her.

But it was like a meticulous net!

With every word Xie Wei spoke, Jiang Xuening felt the net tightening around her! Bit by bit, it squeezed the space she stood in, the air she breathed, making it hard for her to struggle, almost suffocating!

She tried her best to stay calm, not daring to anger him, and said, “Sir, you overestimate me. I have always been reckless and unruly. Without your help, I would have caused a great disaster.”

Xie Wei said, “Then why not continue being reckless and unruly?”

Jiang Xuening tried to pull her hand back, but the hand gripping her did not budge.

Xie Wei looked at her, calmly stating, “You are the legitimate daughter of the Assistant Minister of Revenue, the companion of the Princess, the sister-in-law of the Prince of Linzi, the playmate of Yan Lin, the supporter of Xiao Dingfei, and my student—what are you afraid of?”

Every word he said struck her sensitive nerves, and when the words “my student” came out, the taut string in Jiang Xuening’s mind finally snapped with a “buzz”!

Anyone in this world could—

But Xie Wei was absolutely not someone she could afford to get involved with!

At this moment, she was like prey cornered in a dead end, facing a beast approaching step by step. She had to bristle every spike on her body and tense every part of herself to muster the little courage she had, staring at him with reddened eyes, and said, “Let go of me.”

She no longer called him “sir.”

The trace of hostility in Xie Wei’s eyes finally surfaced, but his voice was even softer than before: “Isn’t Zhang Zhe still here? Why do you want to leave the capital?”

If this name had been mentioned in the past, Jiang Xuening might have felt a bit of unspeakable sweetness. However, after the conversation the day before yesterday, this name could only bring her irreparable regret and unattainable pain!

Xie Wei had hit her sore spot.

She began to struggle forcefully, glaring at him, clenching her teeth and shouting, “What does it have to do with him! I am such a bad person, with such a terrible disposition, haven’t you always known that? A girl from the countryside is not fit for the grand halls! The capital is not a place I should stay. Every day here is like lying in a frying pan, never a day of peace, never a day of freedom! Why can’t I leave?”

Every day is like lying in a frying pan, never a day of peace, never a day of freedom.

Xie Wei’s eyelashes lowered as he gazed at her.

He found her desperate struggle quite laughable, even disappointing. His calm tone carried a cold sharpness: “Only a coward would think that way. Ning’er, you’re not a child anymore, stop making trouble.”

Jiang Xuening reached out to pry his hand away.

He didn’t move at all, only feeling that her hysteria, avoiding him like a plague, seeing him as a monstrous beast, was incomprehensible…

At that moment, a trace of sadness welled up.

He finally lowered his voice, softly saying, “Ning’er, stay.”

Tears welled up in Jiang Xuening’s eyes: “Let go of me!”

Xie Wei seemed not to hear: “The princess has gone to Tatar for marriage. I haven’t fulfilled my promise to you, and I still owe you a debt, a life.” Jiang Xuening couldn’t break free from him, choking with sobs: “I don’t want you to repay it, I don’t care!”

Xie Wei remembered a long time ago, the little girl who clearly disliked him, crying all day when she saw him sick and confused. She stayed by his side, afraid he would die next to her, sharing space with a dead person; she wanted to go out to gather herbs but was afraid of the mountain spirits and nocturnal wolves.

That day was the heavy snow solar term.

The deep mountains grew colder, and the higher places were covered with white snow.

The little girl cried all night and was exhausted.

He woke up groggily in the morning, but she was nowhere to be seen.

It wasn’t until noon that he saw a white figure walk in from outside the cave. She was covered in cold, snow on her head and shoulders, her lips blue and purple. She had somehow gathered herbs, her hands trembling as she tried to strike a fire. But the branches were all wet, and she couldn’t light them. She didn’t cry, just bit the herbs bit by bit, placing them in a broken bowl she had found somewhere.

His knife was stuck in a crevice in the rock.

It took her a long time to pull it out, trembling as she cut a gash on her wrist. The bright red blood gushed out, trickling into the broken pottery bowl, mixing with the dark green herbs, turning into a thick dark purple.

Then she brought the bowl to his lips.

The girl’s pale face had no trace of blood, coaxing him with a sobbing voice: “A very skilled doctor once came to the village and used this remedy to bring someone back to life. If you drink the medicine, you’ll get better…”

How could the dead be brought back to life?

Most likely a charlatan. To this day, he couldn’t tell if it was a dream.

Only the extremely bitter taste of the herbs mixed with the metallic tang of blood would occasionally flow from the depths of his memory.

Later, his fever broke, and he seemed to get better.

But the little girl became confused.

When he went out to scout for food, she would always tug at his sleeve, her consciousness hazy, still murmuring complaints in her sleep: “I knew it, once you get better, you’ll leave on your own…”

Helpless, he softened his heart and carried her, trudging step by step.

But she still thought he wasn’t a good person and would leave her.

He had no choice but to tear a narrow strip from his already dirty robe, tying one end to her wrist and the other to his own, then told her: “Now we’re tied together, no one can leave first. I’m here.”

Her murmurs gradually stopped.

Xie Wei recalled that it was the craziest, most foolish time in his twenty-odd years.

It seemed there was a belief in the depths of his mind—

Believing that even in such a desperate situation, there is still a chance for survival. No qin or books, no knives or swords, no heavenly teachings, no court, no background, and no revenge, only the vast world and two people wanting to live.

But Jiang Xuening said she didn’t want him to repay her, she didn’t care.

The coldness hid disgust, much like when she occasionally met him in the capital later?

Xie Wei felt a sharp pain in his chest.

The pain came so quickly and was so unfamiliar that he couldn’t even distinguish it before a wave of dizziness and confusion hit him. He could only say, “It doesn’t matter if you don’t want it, the capital has everything…”

Jiang Xuening was already on the verge of collapse, shouting at him with determination, “Everything except freedom!”

Xie Wei said, “Why don’t you understand?”

Jiang Xuening said, “Let go!”

Xie Wei said to her word by word, “There is no true freedom in this world. Even if you escape to the ends of the earth, as long as your heart is tied, you will always be trapped in a cage! In the end, you will have to come back…”

All the truths in the world are too cruel, wrapped in layers of sharp thorns, not only unable to enter people’s ears but also pricking the listener to raise their defenses, tightly protecting themselves inside.

That fear not only didn’t diminish but surged even more.

Jiang Xuening didn’t know if she was more afraid of Xie Wei or his words. Finally, unable to bear it, she couldn’t pry his hand off and bit down deeply.

The intense pain from the back of his hand almost penetrated his bones, but Xie Wei still refused to let go, looking at her, his voice even carrying a hint of pleading, almost obsessively saying, “Jiang Xuening, don’t go.”

But the extreme pain caused his fingers to spasm.

Jiang Xuening finally broke free from him, her chest heaving, eyes wide with anger, retreating, as if refuting him, or telling herself, “Nonsense! It’s all nonsense!”

She didn’t have time to sort out her emotions, nor did she want to think deeply about it.

And so she escaped.

Escaped far away.

That night, she took the carriage that had been prepared in the mansion, packed her belongings, and left the capital, traveling three thousand miles to Shu.

Xie Wei’s hands were empty, blood dripping from the back of his hand near the thumb, a piercing pain.

He stood inside the door, not taking a step outside.

The low threshold seemed like a chasm, tearing him apart from the outside world, with no one able to cross it. Others couldn’t come in, and he couldn’t go out.

When Lu Xian arrived at the Bi Du Hall, it was already dusk.

Jian Shu stood outside, not daring to enter.

He looked inside through the door and saw the dim interior. The qin that Jiang Xuening had taken from the Youhuang Pavilion lay on the ground, with a broken qin pillar and snapped strings curled like green silk. Xie Wei stood in front of the wall in the shadows, not moving for a long time, like a withered tree. A small branch of green apricot lay on the windowsill, the deep red light of the setting sun shining through the green leaves, with the unripe fruit embedded at the edge, not knowing who had picked it.

Jiang Xuening must have been here.

Seeing this scene, Lu Xian didn’t dare to step inside either.

But Xie Wei slowly turned his head, saw them, and acted as if nothing had happened, his face unchanged, saying, “You came just in time for the meeting, join us.”

Lu Xian noticed his hand.

Xie Wei walked past the broken qin towards the Zhuoqin Hall, thinking the others must have been waiting for a long time.

Lü Xian and Jian Shu remained where they were.

Jian Shu was puzzled and didn’t understand: “Why didn’t he force her to stay?”

Lu Xian looked back at the broken qin.

After a long silence, rarely without a smile, he slowly said, “Xie Ju’an is not that kind of person.”

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