Chapter 87: That Was The First Time In Her Life She Felt That She Was Truly Loved

Pei Wenxuan was not only handsome but also had a pleasant voice. Even though Li Rong couldn’t see his face, just hearing his voice stirred a faint flutter in her heart.

As he spoke, Pei Wenxuan released the hand covering Li Rong’s mouth. Pretending to be composed, Li Rong said, “Were you deliberately waiting for me?”

“Your Highness overthinks,” Pei Wenxuan replied, stepping back slightly with an air of courtesy. Li Rong turned over and saw him lying on his side, one hand propped under his ear. His white robe was open, revealing a broad expanse of his chest. He looked at her lazily, smiling as he said, “I merely heard a cat pushing open the window and thought to take a look. Who knew I’d find a big cat sneaking in?”

His words were less teasing and more flirtatious. Li Rong listened to his low, enticing voice, thought for a moment, and then smiled faintly. Resting her hands in front of her, she leaned closer, her softness tinged with a hint of allure. Pressing against his chest, she tilted her head up, blinking at him as she said, “So, does big brother want to discipline this naughty cat?”

Her words provoked an immediate reaction from Pei Wenxuan, catching him off guard. He froze, unsure whether to advance or retreat, his embarrassment evident.

Seeing his discomfort, Li Rong’s mood brightened instantly. Pei Wenxuan, noticing her smug smile, sighed and pressed down on the quilt covering her, ensuring she was snugly wrapped. “It’s so cold,” he said. “How could Your Highness come here in just a single layer of clothing?”

“You wouldn’t come back,” Li Rong replied, a touch of frustration in her voice. “What choice did I have but to come to you?”

“If Your Highness wanted me to return, a word would’ve sufficed,” Pei Wenxuan said with a smile. “Why risk catching a cold?”

“I can’t afford to compensate for Shaoyao’s money,” Li Rong muttered, burying her face in the quilt. “Besides, aren’t you still upset?”

“Upset?” Pei Wenxuan’s voice softened. Li Rong peeked up at him, glaring. “Then why are you ignoring me?”

“Ignoring you? When have I ever done that?”

“You’re sleeping in a separate bed!” Li Rong’s voice was muffled. Pei Wenxuan couldn’t help but chuckle. “Your Highness, it was you who told me to wait. I sleep separately only to give you some time.”

Li Rong fell silent. Pei Wenxuan reached out, brushing her hair aside and tucking the messy strands behind her ear. Her face was still buried in the quilt. She wasn’t afraid of Pei Wenxuan’s bold words or reckless actions—what she feared was his earnest, tender touches.

She was never good at handling such upright gentlemen in intimate moments.

Pei Wenxuan explained, “I know that after what you said that day, you felt embarrassed. So I thought it best to let you hold the reins in our relationship. If Your Highness wants me to return, I’ll return. If not, I’m fine sleeping in the study.”

“Don’t act like you’re doing this all for my sake,” Li Rong shot back, glaring at him. “If you truly thought that, why not sleep in the guest room? Sleeping on this tiny, hard couch—aren’t you just waiting for me to come coax you and play hard to get?”

Li Rong seemed to have grown sharper.

Pei Wenxuan was momentarily speechless, a hint of embarrassment flashing across his face at being seen through. He casually looked away, clearing his throat. “Your Highness thinks too poorly of me.”

“Do I?” Li Rong snapped, seeing he still wouldn’t admit it. She sat up, wrapped in the quilt, and slapped the couch. “You old schemer, that’s exactly how devious you are! Now you’re telling me you’re not ignoring me, making all these excuses to play the good guy. During the day, you keep your distance to deliberately give me the cold shoulder. I got hurt, and you didn’t even ask about it. My eyes were red from crying, and you didn’t care. And when you came to apply medicine, you tied me up like this, making me a laughingstock!”

She pointed at the butterfly bow swaying on her head, fuming. “You’re clearly treating me like some naive eighteen-year-old girl to manipulate. Playing this push-and-pull game, acting both the villain and the hero, just to trap me!”

Pei Wenxuan’s facade was thoroughly exposed. The refined nobleman couldn’t keep up the act, his face flushing red and pale in the dim night. After a long pause, he could only tug at Li Rong’s quilt. “If you’re going to talk, talk. Don’t steal the quilt.”

“What do you need a quilt for?” Li Rong clutched it tighter, glaring at him. “Aren’t you a fox with fur? Keep yourself warm!”

“It’s freezing in the middle of the night,” Pei Wenxuan frowned. “If I catch a cold, I still have to attend court tomorrow. Let’s argue under the covers.”

Li Rong hesitated, realizing he had a point. She couldn’t let such matters delay official business.

So she shared the quilt, and they both slipped under it.

The study’s couch was meant for one person. With two, they couldn’t lie flat and had to face each other on their sides. In such a confined space, with only thin clothing between the young man and woman, one might expect some impulsiveness. But when Pei Wenxuan looked into Li Rong’s eyes—bright and accusatory in the dark—any such feelings vanished. He instinctively wanted to retort but calmed himself, knowing their relationship had come too far to ruin with a careless remark.

After a long silence, Pei Wenxuan finally murmured, “Your Highness, leave me some dignity.”

“Did you leave me any?” Li Rong shot back relentlessly. “You old rogue.”

“No, wait,” Pei Wenxuan couldn’t hold back. “Li Rong, why won’t you take the olive branch? Do we have to keep fighting? Yes, I had a little scheme to get you to coax me. But can you honestly say you didn’t play along, knowing full well what I was doing? Do we really need to spell it out and embarrass us both?”

“What’s there to be embarrassed about?” Li Rong sneered. “I’m not the one being two-faced.”

“Oh, really?” Pei Wenxuan laughed, a hint of mockery in his tone. “I’m upfront about liking you and secretly like you too. Unlike you, saying you want to keep me around while secretly thrilled that I’m sleeping in the study.”

“You’re projecting your pettiness onto me,” Li Rong snapped, poking his chest. “If I was thrilled, would I be here?”

“You’re not here because you want me back,” Pei Wenxuan said bluntly. “You’re here because you’re afraid I’ll leave.”

Li Rong froze. Pei Wenxuan, seeing her reaction, realized he’d gone too far. His heart softened, and he sighed, gently taking her hand. “Don’t worry. I understand.”

“Understand what?” Li Rong lowered her gaze.

Pei Wenxuan softened his voice. “I wasn’t entirely lying. Sleeping apart was to give you time. I know what you meant when you asked me to wait. You need time to let go of the past, and that’s not something that happens overnight. Until then, you can’t give me the feelings I want.”

“I’m not—”

“Don’t speak,” Pei Wenxuan interrupted, placing a hand on her lips gently. “That you told me those things shows you care. I don’t resent you. Right now, you can’t let go, but you also can’t fully accept me. So you try hard to be good to me, but deep down, it’s just to keep me. But forcing yourself like this—it’s not fair to you.”

“I don’t understand what you’re saying,” Li Rong said with a smile. “Give me an example.”

“For instance, Your Highness,” Pei Wenxuan’s hand slid to the tie at her waist, “if I wished to serve you tonight, would you allow it?”

“You’re skilled in such matters, and it’d please us both,” Li Rong raised an eyebrow. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“Exactly,” Pei Wenxuan withdrew his hand. “But if we were to share that intimacy now, I might never truly reach your heart. Because I’d be ignoring what you truly want emotionally. In our relationship, you’d be the one compromising.”

“You’ve been wronged too much in matters of the heart. If I can’t make you feel that love is something you can control, something that doesn’t require sacrifice, you’ll never fully trust me with your heart.”

Li Rong fell silent, gazing at Pei Wenxuan quietly.

Suddenly, she felt as if he lived inside her heart, seeing things even more clearly than she did.

She often felt confused—why she wanted him to return yet feared it, why she was happy when he was kind to her yet felt anxious.

At its core, she couldn’t give him the love he hoped for and was afraid he’d leave.

She hadn’t even realized she was subtly trying to please him, resisting anything that might make him leave.

“I can tease you, take some small advantages, and I’m thrilled you came to me tonight,” Pei Wenxuan continued. “But I can’t ignore your true feelings. After you bared your heart that day, you’ve been tense. If I don’t give you space, you’ll stay that way. Rest assured, I’m not upset with you. I’m waiting for you.”

“Then come back?” Li Rong looked up at him. Pei Wenxuan smiled. “Of course. I slept in the study to make you miss me. When you truly want me back, I’ll give you an easy way to call me.”

“You’re someone who values pride,” he said, suppressing a smile to avoid embarrassing her. “I’m just paving the way for you.”

“Sly old fox,” Li Rong muttered. Pei Wenxuan smiled without responding. After a moment, Li Rong hesitantly reached out, wrapping her arms around his neck.

Her soft body pressed against him, her head resting lightly on his chest. “Come back,” she whispered.

“Is Your Highness sincere?” Pei Wenxuan asked. “If I return, will you feel it’s too intimate and get nervous?” He added, “Whatever you decide, I won’t be unhappy.”

Li Rong leaned against him, thinking carefully. She listened to his heartbeat, feeling a quiet sense of safety envelop her.

She rarely felt so at peace. By his side, it was as if the storms of the world didn’t exist.

After a long pause, she whispered, “Not anymore.”

Pei Wenxuan lifted his arms, pulling her close. “Then sleep. I’ll return tomorrow.”

“No,” Li Rong sat up, clutching the quilt. “I can’t sleep here, or they’ll know by morning.”

“So Your Highness means…”

“Come back with me,” Li Rong said seriously. “We’ll sneak back without anyone noticing.”

That way, no one would know she’d come to him.

Pei Wenxuan looked at her, his expression indescribable. Li Rong’s resolve was firm. After a brief standoff, he glanced at the cramped couch and sighed. “Fine, let’s go.”

They got out of bed. Pei Wenxuan draped his outer robe over Li Rong and urged, “Hurry.”

They climbed out the window, stealthily avoiding the servants, and slipped back to Li Rong’s room, tumbling into her bed.

On her large bed, they finally relaxed, exchanging a smile. Pei Wenxuan pulled the quilt over her. “Sleep.”

With Pei Wenxuan back, the bed felt smaller, but somehow warmer, softer, and more comfortable. Li Rong couldn’t help but turn over, grinning as she propped herself up to look at him. “Pei Wenxuan.”

“Hm?” He had one hand behind his head, glancing at her. Li Rong smiled. “By your logic, if the time isn’t right, are you saying you’d be a perfect gentleman, unmoved no matter what?”

“Is that how you use that poem?” Pei Wenxuan teased, letting her trace circles on his chest.

Li Rong propped her chin up, her feet swaying playfully, her fingers gliding over his chest. “Does it matter? I’m just asking.”

“I promised Your Highness, and I’ll keep my word,” he said, sitting up and leaning closer. “But if you keep teasing me, I’m keeping score. Every debt will be repaid later.”

He leaned to her ear. “I remember our honeymoon days clearly, when Your Highness didn’t leave the room for days.”

Li Rong froze, then laughed. “You’re just bullying me for being young.”

But she backed off, lying down and pulling the quilt over herself. “Sleep!”

Pei Wenxuan chuckled but said no more.

Li Rong lay with her back to him, eyes open in the dark.

That night, she was happy, though she didn’t know why. Years later, when Pei Wenxuan asked, she realized why.

It was the first time she felt truly cherished.

Being pampered was easy—her father, the emperor, occasionally doted on her. Being loved wasn’t hard—her mother protected her carefully in the palace.

But being cherished was different. It was someone accepting you unconditionally, forgiving your mistakes, not demanding equality, finding your antics endearing. They didn’t want anything from you.

They loved you for you.

Back then, Li Rong didn’t understand this fully. She just pulled up the quilt, closed her eyes, and couldn’t stop smiling as she drifted off.

They slept until just before dawn. Jinglan knocked softly. “Your Highness, it’s time.”

Li Rong stirred groggily. Before she could rise, Pei Wenxuan covered her eyes gently. “Sleep more.”

Her already weak resolve to get up crumbled, and she fell back asleep. She vaguely heard Pei Wenxuan rise and call out, “Come in.”

Jinglan hesitated, then entered with Jingmei, both suppressing smiles.

Inside, they saw Pei Wenxuan dressing Li Rong, who leaned on his shoulder, eyes closed, trying to steal more sleep.

Once dressed, Pei Wenxuan said softly, “Time to wash up.”

Li Rong finally got up, assisted by Jinglan. Pei Wenxuan glanced at a servant, gesturing. “Fetch my court robes from the study.”

Everyone giggled, clearly aware of last night’s events. Pei Wenxuan stole a glance at Li Rong, who coughed and said, “What’s so funny? Laughing at your masters?”

The servants apologized, but their lack of fear showed their ease. Li Rong, in a good mood, only said, “No manners.”

The servants apologized again, and Li Rong pretended not to notice. After washing up, she and Pei Wenxuan left together. He sighed, “I took the blame for Your Highness today. Shouldn’t I get some credit?”

“We’ll see,” Li Rong said, glancing at him with a smile. Noticing the white bandage on her head, Pei Wenxuan saw her lively expression and couldn’t help but want to laugh.

Li Rong caught him suppressing a smile and suddenly remembered, “By the way, was it you who had Hua Le beaten yesterday?”

“Did you come to the study last night for that?” Pei Wenxuan realized her true motive. Li Rong coughed. “Just answer.”

“Yes,” he admitted casually. “I know you don’t care for such petty matters, but I’m not so forgiving.”

He scoffed, “You got hit with a book, and she thought copying *The Female Precepts* ten times would suffice? Dream on.”

“What did you say to His Majesty to make him slap Hua Le after seeing you?” Li Rong asked curiously.

Pei Wenxuan smiled. “I merely mentioned in my report that Kunzhou white jade prices have skyrocketed, giving an example of the cost of a Kunzhou white jade hairpin and its ties to the Xie family.”

Li Rong connected the dots. Hua Le had worn a white orchid jade hairpin, a specialty of the Xie family’s jade shops, renowned in the capital. Acquiring one was no small feat—expensive and restricted by status. For someone like Concubine Rou, Hua Le’s mother, neither wealth nor status would easily secure one.

Yet Hua Le had one.

Given her slandering Li Rong, the Chen clan’s attempt to force Li Rong to relinquish the Qin and military funds cases, and the hairpin’s origins, it wasn’t hard to guess the connection.

A hairpin wasn’t a big deal, but Concubine Rou, Li Ming’s tool against the noble families, colluding with the Xie family to suppress Li Rong—who worked for Li Ming—was a serious issue. With Li Ming already frustrated by Xie Lanqing and others, Pei Wenxuan’s subtle nudge led to Hua Le’s punishment. Her inevitable denial only worsened things, and Li Ming’s slap was restrained by his standards.

Li Rong marveled at Pei Wenxuan’s cunning. Without a single direct word against Hua Le, he’d orchestrated her punishment, struck at Concubine Rou, and sowed doubt in Li Ming’s mind about Rou’s loyalty—all while discussing court matters.

A mere censor wielding such influence explained how he’d risen to Minister of the Secretariat in his past life.

Seeing Li Rong lost in thought, Pei Wenxuan asked, “What’s Your Highness thinking?”

“I’m thinking,” Li Rong sighed, “Pei Wenxuan, your intellect borders on demonic. It’s unsettling.”

Her frankness made him laugh. “I thought you’d flatter me.”

“Flatter you for what?”

Li Rong raised an eyebrow. Pei Wenxuan playfully linked arms with her, mimicking her voice, “Pei Wenxuan, you’re so clever! This princess admires you!”

Li Rong laughed, pushing him. “Nonsense. Am I like that?”

“Close enough,” he said, returning to normal. “In the past, you wouldn’t have been this honest with me.”

“Then this is progress,” Li Rong said solemnly. “Be grateful.”

“Thank you, Your Highness,” Pei Wenxuan said, bowing dramatically with his tablet. “For giving me the chance to be scolded.”

They bantered, Li Rong laughing uncontrollably. At the palace gates, Pei Wenxuan helped her into the carriage, then said seriously, “You can trust me.”

“As long as you’re my wife, I won’t use such schemes against you.”

“And if I’m not?” Li Rong turned, eyeing him coldly.

He smiled gently. “Then all my plans and schemes would only be for you, to call you ‘Madam Pei’ again.”

Li Rong froze. Pei Wenxuan lifted the carriage curtain. “Madam Pei, please. Don’t catch a cold.”

“Madam Pei?” Li Rong scoffed. “You’re my consort. I’m not your Madam Pei.”

She ducked into the carriage. They settled in, reviewing documents, both accustomed to using every moment efficiently. At the palace, they parted—Pei Wenxuan to network, Li Rong to rest at her post.

Soon, the morning court began. With Li Ming’s call for reports, officials stepped forward, accusing Li Rong of torturing Chen Guang or demanding a retrial of the military funds case.

Li Ming listened impatiently but calmly. Li Rong remained composed. When the accusations subsided, Li Ming spoke, “Your concerns have merit. The torture allegations should be investigated. Let the Censorate handle it.”

He looked at Shangguan Minzhi, the Censor-in-Chief. “Arrange it.”

Shangguan Minzhi agreed. Xie Lanqing interjected, “Your Majesty, Shangguan is Her Highness’s uncle. To avoid bias, the Ministry of Justice should take it.”

“Cousin,” Li Rong cut in, smiling at Xie Lanqing. “By blood, you’re my cousin too. If we talk about avoiding relatives, how would anything get done in this court?”

“But—”

“Minzhi has a point,” Li Ming interrupted, annoyed. “It’s settled. The Censorate investigates the torture claims. As for Qin and military funds cases, they’ve dragged on long enough. No need for retrials unless there’s evidence. Without it, set a date for judgment.”

“But if Her Highness is involved in torture…” another minister began.

“Then transfer the cases,” Li Ming said, pointing at Pei Wenxuan. “Pei Wenxuan, you’re a censor and assisted initially. Take over.”

“Your Majesty!” several ministers protested. “The consort and princess are married. How is he different from her?”

“Then let the princess handle it?” Pei Wenxuan retorted. The minister stammered, “That won’t do.”

“If the princess can’t, then there’s a difference between her and me. What’s the issue?”

His logic stumped them. After a pause, one minister said, “You’ll favor her.”

“Why?”

“You’re her husband!”

“Lord Chen,” Pei Wenxuan said, “you once spent a fortune in a brothel. Your wife stormed in, and you faced off in the street. Aren’t you married? Why did one want to fight and the other didn’t?”

The minister flushed, humiliated. Pei Wenxuan knelt. “I accept the decree.”

The matter was settled, clearly prearranged by Li Ming with senior officials. The minor objectors were silenced, and Pei Wenxuan returned to his place.

After court, he and Li Rong left the hall. Noticing his silence, she asked, “What’s on your mind?”

“The assassination attempt,” he said, hands behind his back. “You’re letting it go?”

“Of course not,” Li Rong said with a sly smile. “Just watch.”

She patted his shoulder. “These cases have extensive files. Shall we head to the Inspectorate?”

“Naturally,” Pei Wenxuan said, bowing. “After you, Your Highness.”

They left the palace, and in the carriage, Li Rong briefed him on the cases. He nodded, then asked, “Su Ronghua didn’t interfere?”

“He tried a little,” Li Rong smiled, “but he knows where to draw the line.”

“He knows?” Pei Wenxuan raised an eyebrow. “You trust him a lot.”

“The Su family doesn’t act recklessly, even Su Ronghua.”

Pei Wenxuan’s expression remained neutral, but he poured tea, saying calmly, “I’ve never understood why Your Highness trusts the Su family so much. Don’t you see the flaws of noble families?”

Li Rong fanned herself slowly, then said, “Everything has pros and cons. Noble families have flaws, but don’t forget, the Great Xia’s prosperity came from them. Corrupt border officials are noble sons, but so are those fighting on the frontlines. Schemers in court are nobles, but so are those who drafted the *Great Xia Code*, upholding Confucian ideals.”

“How do you know the Su family is a benefit, not a flaw?”

Pei Wenxuan’s tone was cold. Li Rong looked out at the swaying curtain, her expression distant.

“Do you know when I first met Su Rongqing?”

Pei Wenxuan hadn’t expected this. He looked up as Li Rong continued calmly, “I was very young, and so was he. Father wanted to launch a northern campaign, and he knelt with his grandfather outside the palace. I could barely write, but he was already in court, kneeling outside the imperial study.”

“I asked why he was kneeling. He said it was to dissuade His Majesty from the campaign. I asked why, since the campaign was to fight enemies. He told me, in all seriousness, that a ruler’s glory is written in the blood of the people. That year was the third of the southern drought. More than defeating enemies, he wanted the people to eat.”

“I asked if he was afraid Father would punish or kill him. He looked at me and said, ‘The Su family lives for the people and dies for the state.’”

Li Rong smiled, turning to Pei Wenxuan with rare gentleness. “Pei Wenxuan, these ancient families have higher principles, higher moral standards than most. Some among them are bad, but it’s not the family—it’s human nature. Su Lin is involved in the military funds case, but only minimally. The Su family protects him not out of favoritism but their internal code.”

“I don’t target Su Lin, and the Su family will handle him themselves—just not by an outsider’s hand. Such a family, despite some flaws, earns my respect. As long as I don’t cross their line, there’s no issue.”

Pei Wenxuan listened quietly. They arrived at the Inspectorate. At the entrance, they heard Su Ronghua’s agitated voice, “You say he escaped on his own? I’d sooner believe you were charmed by his looks and let him go!”

“Believe what you want,” Shangguan Ya’s lazy voice replied. “I’m not begging you to.”

Pei Wenxuan and Li Rong exchanged a glance. Li Rong led him inside. Shangguan Ya stood respectfully, bowing. “Your Highness.”

“Your Highness,” Su Ronghua echoed, his face grim.

Li Rong smiled at Shangguan Ya. “Arguing again? Over what?”

“Reporting to Your Highness,” Su Ronghua said, furious, “last night, Shangguan released the felon Lin Feibai. I request Your Highness issue an immediate citywide manhunt!”

Li Rong turned to Shangguan Ya. “You released a felon?”

“Wronged!” Shangguan Ya wailed dramatically. “I was busy last night and didn’t return home. Lin Feibai injured someone and escaped. How is that my fault?”

“Who unlocked his chains?” Su Ronghua snapped. “Why were all the guards yours last night? Are you fooling a ghost?”

“Whoever feels fooled is the ghost,” Shangguan Ya said, shrugging innocently. “How would I know who unlocked him? My people? We’re all the Inspectorate’s people, Your Highness’s people. Since when do we divide yours and mine?”

Su Ronghua glared at her shamelessness, barely containing his anger. “You’re courting disaster!”

Li Rong and Pei Wenxuan glanced at Su Ronghua, who clearly knew something, his anxiety palpable.

Li Rong remained calm. “He’s gone. No point arguing fault. Issue a notice for a citywide manhunt.”

“Your Highness, a notice isn’t enough,” Su Ronghua urged. “We need a full search.”

“If Lord Su thinks it’s necessary, take your men and go,” Li Rong said helplessly. “The Inspectorate’s stretched thin.”

Su Ronghua couldn’t tell if she was serious or brushing him off. After a moment, he said, “I’ll investigate.”

“Thank you, Lord Su,” Li Rong gestured politely.

Su Ronghua bowed and left hurriedly. Shangguan Ya approached, whispering, “He was released at dawn. Rest assured.”

Li Rong nodded, turning to Pei Wenxuan. “Let’s go see the files.”

She instructed Shangguan Ya, “Bring the files for both cases and prepare the witnesses for Lord Pei’s questioning.”

Shangguan Ya bowed and left. Li Rong led Pei Wenxuan to the archives. He asked coldly, “You deliberately let Lin Feibai go?”

“Yes.”

“He’s the deputy head of Seven Star Hall and tied to Xie Lanqing. Why release him?”

“You’ll see tomorrow,” Li Rong said confidently, twirling her fan.

Pei Wenxuan hesitated, then said, “Su Ronghua knows something.”

“What he knows, I likely know too,” Li Rong replied, turning to him. “Just wait for the show.”

Pei Wenxuan fell silent, deep in thought. As they reached the archives, hurried footsteps approached.

Shangguan Ya appeared, frowning. “Your Highness, something’s happened to Xie Lanqing.”

Pei Wenxuan turned sharply. Li Rong remained calm. “Alive or dead?”

“Alive,” Shangguan Ya said succinctly. “Lin Feibai attempted to assassinate him in the street but was captured.”

“Pity,” Li Rong clicked her tongue. Pei Wenxuan frowned, struggling to speak. Finally, he muttered, “Too reckless!”

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