Chapter 247: Now Let Me Teach You
Is it Zhuangzi dreaming of being a butterfly, or a butterfly dreaming of being Zhuangzi? From a famous passages of “Butterfly Dream”, where Zhuangzi dreams he is a butterfly, then wakes and wonders if he is a man who dreamed he was a butterfly, or a butterfly now dreaming he is a man—highlighting the fluidity of identity and reality.
At first, Yan Lin could still tell the difference.
But as the dreams kept visiting him in the deep of night, and another set of memories kept pouring into his mind from beginning to end, he gradually began to lose the ability to distinguish. Dreams and reality intertwined, making it impossible to tell which one was truly himself…
Or perhaps, the two had already merged into one.
The only thing he could clearly feel was the present—this moment, right now!
He wanted her to love what he loved, to gain what he had gained, to have all her wishes fulfilled, and all her wounds healed…
Jiang Xuening, who had been pulled to the front of this grand hall by him, felt as if she were dreaming.
The Imperial Seal of the nation was in her hands.
Everyone in sight had their eyes fixed on her.
If this were her past life, she might have laughed out loud—for she had desired all of this and never obtained it. But in this life, she clearly didn’t want it, yet others insisted on forcing it into her hands…
Past and present lives suddenly wove together into a strange absurdity.
Jiang Xuening suspected she was dreaming.
Yet the finely carved dragon scales on the Imperial Seal were pressing into her palm, and the slight pain slowly seeping in was all too real.
But how could this be?
How could it be her choice to make?
Jiang Xuening remembered that in her past life, she had chosen a royal child only ten years old, just adopted as the crown prince. Before he could ascend the throne, he was killed on the way to the capital…
How could she dare to choose again?
That fear, along with the Imperial Seal handed to her, surged up within her. Jiang Xuening shook her head, as if afraid of awakening some beast that could devour her at any moment. Holding the seal in both hands, she tried to return it to Yan Lin.
She said, “No, I don’t dare…”
But Yan Lin didn’t reach out to take it. He only looked at her like a condemned prisoner, his gaze silent to the point of pleading.
Suddenly, a cold laugh rang out from the front. Xie Wei, with eyes devoid of emotion, stared at the two of them, though his words were directed at Jiang Xuening:
“You don’t dare this, you don’t dare that—when will you finally grow up?”
Jiang Xuening looked at him.
Xie Wei didn’t show the slightest sign of opposition, but his voice grew colder with each word:
“Either close your eyes and pretend you’re picking a pig at random, or cut open your heart and take a good look at what you truly want!”
If Yan Lin’s earlier words had left everyone so shocked they were speechless for a long time, then Xie Wei’s remarks now jolted those stunned minds back to what little sense they had left.
“This concerns the fate of the nation—how can it be treated like a child’s game?”
“Are we really going to let a mere girl make this decision?”
“Have you all gone mad?!”
“Absurd, utterly absurd…”
Several elderly ministers beat their chests and stomped their feet, nearly fainting from anxiety.
On the Tianjiao side, thousands of scattered soldiers were left leaderless after Wan Xiuzi’s death, all looking lost.
But when they looked around—
Princess? Heir? Second Miss Jiang? They didn’t recognize any of them!
What now?
Everyone looked at each other in confusion, until someone—perhaps out of cowardice—shouted obsequiously:
“Of course we should choose our Master Du Jun!”
And then a chorus of voices followed in agreement.
Lu Xian, who had just recovered from the shock of Yan Lin throwing a sword at him, nearly spat blood when he heard this mob of fence-sitters.
So now that Wan Xiuzi was dead, they were hoping to cling to Xie Wei to save their skins!
But the uproar caused by that group of fools actually stirred up waves of unrest throughout the grand hall.
Even within the Xinzhou army, not everyone fully supported Yan Lin—each had their own thoughts. Yet when they looked at Xie Wei and saw that he showed no sign of opposing Yan Lin, they hesitated to act.
Those who followed Yan Lin’s command naturally held their positions.
The black-armored troops behind Shen Zhiyi had never encountered such a situation before. But they were different from the others—originally formed by the late emperor to protect the royal family, they could never allow the Imperial Seal to fall into the wrong hands.
So in that moment, countless swords were drawn!
And every blade pointed toward Jiang Xuening, who held the Imperial Seal in her arms!
They were only waiting for Shen Zhiyi to give the order. Then they would charge forward, kill Jiang Xuening no matter what, and reclaim the seal from her hands.
But what came was not an order to attack.
Shen Zhiyi was even calmer than Xie Wei.
“Put down your weapons,” she said.
Several generals behind her were stunned.
“Your Highness?!”
Shen Zhiyi’s expression turned cold, and her voice grew sharper:
“I said, put down your weapons!”
…
The black-armored soldiers were momentarily confused.
But Shen Zhiyi’s stance was firm. Though they didn’t understand, after a moment of hesitation and reluctance, they finally lowered their weapons and retreated.
Shen Zhiyi didn’t look at Xie Wei or Yan Lin. She only gazed at Jiang Xuening, and slowly, a faint smile curved her lips. That smile softened all her features—even the scar at the corner of her eye seemed to glow with light.
If there were only one person in the world she could trust with all her heart—
Then without a doubt, that person was Jiang Xuening.
She said softly to her,
“Ningning, whoever you choose, that’s who it will be. I will always stand by your side.”
Even if the one she chose might be Xie Wei.
But as long as she was willing, Shen Zhiyi thought, maybe it wasn’t such a big deal after all. After all, being emperor didn’t mean one could truly do whatever they wanted.
In that instant, the remaining rational officials in the court felt as if their world had exploded—they were completely disoriented, as if the sky itself had been torn open!
One Xie Wei wasn’t enough—now there was Yan Lin!
And now, even Her Highness the Princess had gone mad!
Finally, someone rolled their eyes and fainted on the spot, causing chaos all around.
In a corner, Xiao Dingfei, Fang Miao, and others looked at Jiang Xuening with admiration and envy in their eyes, tinged with anticipation, as if eagerly awaiting what would happen next.
But Lu Xian felt a sudden jolt in his heart.
His gaze darted between Xie Wei, Jiang Xuening, and Shen Zhiyi. After just a moment, he suddenly wanted to curse.
So that’s what this was all about!
No wonder Xie Ju’an had gone to such extremes, acting like he and Shen Zhiyi were mortal enemies!
What Yan Lin had just done was clearly unexpected—but the fact that Xie Ju’an didn’t stop it proved it played right into his hands!
This was the moment Xie Ju’an had been waiting for—forcing Jiang Xuening into an impossible choice!
If she wanted to find a middle ground between him and Shen Zhiyi, how many options did she really have left?
Lu Xian almost felt like he could already see the outcome.
And yet, his heart still hung in suspense—
Could Xie Ju’an truly win? Could he really get what he wanted?
Jiang Xuening, on the other hand, still didn’t understand how everything had suddenly turned out like this.
Was she the one who had gone mad—or was it all of them?
Holding the Imperial Seal in her hands, for the first time, Jiang Xuening felt like a beggar burdened with a mountain of gold—not joyful, but crushed, unable to breathe.
She was clearly nothing, no one.
Yet at this moment, everyone was watching her every move—even the slightest glance or flicker of her eyes.
She first looked at Shen Zhiyi, then at Xie Wei, and memories tied to both of them surged forth.
One was a princess, the other an imperial tutor;
One was kind-hearted, the other madly obsessive;
One a woman, the other a rebel;
One saw her as a confidante, the other was her teacher;
One had journeyed to the Tatars for a political marriage, endured many ups and downs before returning to court; the other had a mysterious past, suffered tragedy in youth, endured humiliation, and sought revenge;
One bore the bloodline of another’s enemy, the other had just killed her blood relative in front of her…
Yet after all of this flashed through her mind, the one who remained in her thoughts wasn’t Shen Zhiyi, nor Xie Ju’an.
It was Zhang Zhe.
That rainy evening not long ago, he had looked at her with a faint, gentle smile and said with unwavering certainty:
“Your Grace, you can.”
The waiting felt endlessly drawn out.
It was hard to tell whether only a moment had passed—or half an hour.
Jiang Xuening, who had stood silently at the entrance of the grand hall for so long, finally moved.
She glanced at Xie Wei, her eyes swirling with countless emotions, but in the end, she only gave him a strange, unreadable smile—then turned and walked toward Shen Zhiyi!
Yan Lin watched her without blinking.
The hall erupted in a fresh wave of uproar.
Xie Wei’s hand, hanging at his side, suddenly clenched tightly.
Even Shen Zhiyi could only stare at her in stunned silence.
Jiang Xuening stopped in front of her, recalling their first meeting in this lifetime—
It was when she had taken up a brush and painted a stroke of cherry pink over the scar that Shen Zhiyi had long brooded over.
From that moment on, Shen Zhiyi treated her kindly, and she returned that kindness.
What in the world could be better than that?
With a gentle smile, she said:
“Actually, Your Highness returning from the Tatars wasn’t the thing that made me happiest.
What made me happiest was seeing that you no longer tried to hide the scar on your face.
You finally accepted yourself.
No matter what happens in the future—whether you support a new emperor or raise an army for yourself—
In my heart, you will always be that princess who had nothing, yet loved the world,
and who once gave me a promise of a handful of homeland soil.”
Tears suddenly streamed down Shen Zhiyi’s face.
But Jiang Xuening lifted her hand and placed the heavy Imperial Jade Seal into her palm.
She said:
“I want to believe in you.”
As her words fell, Xie Wei, standing behind her, swayed slightly.
His tightly clenched fingers dug deep into his palm—
He nearly crushed his own hand.
“Had nothing, yet loved the world!”
He hadn’t been unaware that Jiang Xuening might make such a choice—
But those three words, “loved the world,” were like three long iron nails, driven straight into his heart.
They surged like a sudden wave, shattering all the calm and obsession he had been forcing himself to maintain.
A metallic taste of blood rose faintly in his throat.
Xie Ju’an had never felt so exhausted.
He didn’t want to hear another word.
He turned around and left, sleeves billowing as he strode away.
The black-gold sun sank in the west, his robes fluttering in the wind.
But just as he reached the long flight of steps, that familiar voice rang out behind him: “Xie Ju’an!”
Xie Wei finally stopped.
Moments later, a warm hand reached out from behind and grasped his.
Jiang Xuening looked at him and said: “I told you when I came—I have something I want to say to you.”
How could Xie Wei not know?
That day, she had met with Zhang Zhe, and the next morning, she had said she wanted to speak with him.
Jian Shu had secretly reported it to him.
But…
He turned to look at her, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed hard, and said: “And I told you—I don’t want to hear it. Not even a little.”
Back in the carriage, she had tried several times to speak.
But Xie Wei had always told her to be quiet.
At that time, Jiang Xuening thought that perhaps, with their arrival in the capital and the decisive battle imminent, this person might need some peace and calm. So when he didn’t respond to her words, she didn’t disturb him again, thinking it wouldn’t be too late to speak in a couple of days.
But now, looking at him, what was there she didn’t understand?
How much suffering must this person have endured to live like this?
She nearly choked up, but didn’t let go of him. Instead, she reached for the knife he had been gripping tightly in his right hand and, just like when he had comforted her in the cave before, she gently said, “Put the knife down. I’m right here. I won’t leave.”
Xie Wei was filled with deep, violent rage.
He didn’t want to let go.
But he was afraid the knife might hurt Jiang Xuening’s hand, so in the end, he slowly released it.
She threw the knife down the steps.
Around the Taiji Hall, where tens of thousands had gathered, it suddenly fell silent for some unknown reason.
The Imperial Seal of the Realm was right in her hand, but Shen Zhiyi didn’t look at it. Instead, she looked at Jiang Xuening, who was standing very close to Xie Wei, and asked, “Ningning, do you know what kind of person he is?”
Jiang Xuening replied, “I know.”
This was the man who had forced her to her death in a past life. Even in this life, he had once thought of taking her with him to die. He was by no means a good person—how could she not know?
In fact, she probably understood better than anyone.
Because she had seen the truest, most unhinged side of him.
Shen Zhiyi asked again, “Do you love him?”
Jiang Xuening thought for a moment and said, “I do.”
In that moment, Xie Wei’s hand trembled slightly. Countless flashes of light and shadow seemed to sweep through his mind, but in the end, nothing remained. He just stared at her in a daze.
Yan Lin stood too far away for anyone to see the expression on his face.
Shen Zhiyi also remained silent for a long time.
She didn’t fully approve of Xie Wei—she feared that her dear Ningning had chosen the wrong person and would end up heartbroken. But she couldn’t stop her. All her countless worries finally condensed into a single question:
“Do you truly understand what you’re doing right now?”
Jiang Xuening smiled at her and replied, “I do.”
Not only did she understand what she was doing now—she also knew what she wanted to do in the future.
So she said calmly and confidently:
“I want to marry him.”
That night, he had asked her once. But when she didn’t answer, he never dared to ask again.
But now, she said she wanted to marry him.
Xie Wei suddenly couldn’t tell—was this real, or just a dream?
Wasn’t she supposed to leave him and go to Zhang Zhe?
Jiang Xuening looked at him and suddenly realized—she could actually read his thoughts at this moment. She couldn’t help but laugh softly:
“A long time ago, you told me that if you liked someone, you’d hide it in your heart forever and never let them know. But Xie Ju’an, if you truly like someone, how could you possibly keep it hidden?”
Xie Wei didn’t understand.
Jiang Xuening could also see that he didn’t understand.
“You really are incredibly smart,” she said, “but you just don’t know how to love someone.”
When it came to love, this man was hopelessly clumsy.
He would easily get stuck in his own thoughts, overthinking everything.
He was so afraid of gaining something only to lose it again—so convinced that anything gained would eventually be lost—that he became obsessive, extreme, and stubbornly unwilling to show vulnerability or speak his heart.
Jiang Xuening suddenly realized—this man was just like her former self.
There were things he didn’t understand, so he kept crashing into walls, getting hurt again and again.
She blinked, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. But she held his hand, rose on tiptoe, and kissed his cool, thin lips. In a soft voice, she said:
“Master Xie, you taught me how to read, to write, to play the zither, and how to be a person. But from now on, let me teach you—teach you how to truly love someone. Will you let me?”
What Xie Ju’an ultimately said in response to Jiang Xuening that day became a mystery that no historian could ever solve.
Because, just at that moment when everyone was focused and holding their breath—
In front of the Taiji Hall, bathed in the setting sun, a furious voice suddenly rang out.
It was Lu Xian, who finally couldn’t hold back his rage. He shouted through gritted teeth, filled with hatred:
“I knew it! I should’ve known! All that brilliance and talent, just to trick and manipulate a young girl! I’m done, I’m out! I’m switching careers and becoming an official! I must’ve been cursed to follow you in rebellion! Damn your ancestors!”
Leave a Reply