Chapter 45: The most fitting gear

She breathed out, and the first thing she said was, “That tickles.”

Zhong Yu Bai asked her, “Where?”

Ji Zhen Tang’s tired feet were resting on his shoulders, her voice faintly saying, “Right where you touched, it felt like an electric shock.”

He looked down at his hand, then shifted his fingers to the designated spot. A very discreet red spot, neither too big nor too small. He pressed his thumb against it, fitting seamlessly.

His sofa was spotless, her floral skirt underneath, dampened in several places. The patterns on the hem meandered, carrying a hint of moisture, softly spreading out like a drunk beauty.

Her feet slowly slid down from his shoulders, the soles pressing against his pounding chest, and finally curled toes, loosely grasping his belt. She was weak and couldn’t undo his buckle, so her toes just hung there limply.

Ji Zhen Tang recalled what he had just said, feeling a corner of his heart weighed down. She asked, “What benefits do I get from not forgetting you?”

Zhong Yu Bai thought for a moment and said, “It’s advantageous for possession.” As he said this, a hint of profound cunning flashed in his eyes. He didn’t even bother to conceal his scheming, appearing cunning yet straightforward.

Ji Zhen Tang said, “But as you said, there’s nothing that can tie me down.”

“I’m also exploring the possibility of luck.”

As he spoke, he bent her knees forward.

Her heart beat heavily as he pressed down on her. Ji Zhen Tang held her breath, then welcomed his kiss, exchanging warmth in this long kiss.

Zhong Yu Bai still understood her.

She wanted benefits, but to tie her down, it naturally couldn’t rely on this alone.

He still had a trump card.

Zhong Yu Bai had said that he liked the word ‘first time’, it had to be fresh, exciting, and unforgettable.

So, when the mood was at its peak, and they were about to get into the act, Ji Zhen Tang was suddenly lifted by the waist and he laid down instead.

Zhong Yu Bai said, “I don’t want you to remember feeling manipulated.”

He let her be on top, gently massaging her waist, saying, “You be the captain.”

But Ji Zhen Tang declined.

Her hair was too long, falling messily, so she knelt down and effortlessly took off her top. With a hair tie in hand, she quickly fixed her hair, tied it up neatly in a few seconds, revealing her fair and vibrant appearance.

Her demeanor was graceful and agile, matching the fiery night.

Ji Zhen Tang placed her palms in front of him, gently rowing in the vast and silent night. The moon was hazy, and the mist gathered, obscuring the embankment.

Only in the depths of the ancient well, faintly glimpsing a moon shattered by her, rippling away, disappeared as he closed his eyes.

Uncontrollable sweat dripped along the veins under his ears, teased by her fingertips, adding to her amusement in this game.

Seeing his subtle signs of imbalance, she actually succeeded in making him smile.

The curtains in front of the door swayed rhythmically.

In the corner of the living room by the stairs, there was a finely carved rectangular brass mirror, reflecting potted plants and an expensive piece of intricate stone on the shelf.

So, in the mirror, there was only a faint shadow of a person, the slender shoulder line swaying, the back burning, lips becoming hot and red, lively and agile among the flowers and plants in the room.

Ji Zhen Tang raised her head, leaning back, looking at the dazzling crystal chandelier, and exhaled a long breath.

A long river, she finally sailed downstream, dropped the oars, let it drift disorderly, and slowly docked at the shore.

The illusion of flowers and moonlight dispersed.

The gold thread on the edge of the sofa left shallow marks on her knees.

Zhong Yu Bai noticed, the first thing he did was gently grasp with his palm, to see if she felt any pain.

“I don’t want to go to school anymore. What should I do?” Ji Zhen Tang opened his hand, leaned into his arms, and murmured, “I really like your fireplace, your chandelier, mirror, and all the flowers and plants.”

She said tiredly, “They want me to stay here.”

Her roundabout expression, like a line from a Wong Kar-wai film, circled back to one point: “I’m trapped by you.”

Ji Zhen Tang was absent-minded for a while, then kissed his jawline.

Zhong Yu Bai flipped over, pressing her tightly into the corner of the sofa, causing her to frown, her voice fragmented, falling into the waves, unable to control her emotions.

Late at night, after everything was over and she regained consciousness, she looked at the clock by the bed and somehow found that it had been hastily turned several rounds.

Ji Zhen Tang said she wanted to try smoking afterwards. He said it would be bad if she got addicted, but she rebelliously insisted on smoking.

Zhong Yu Bai indulged her request and gave her a cigarette, the same brand Chi Ying smoked, Jiangling Twelve Beauties. He said he happened to have brought few packs for her as a gift when he visited the Zhong family.

Not so aggressive this time, just let her try.

Zhong Yu Bai lit the cigarette, took a puff, then handed it to her.

The taste was light, the texture soft and mellow.

“Men at this age, aren’t they somewhat interesting?” he said softly, smoke curling from the corner of his mouth.

Zhong Yu Bai leaned back on the sofa, surrounded by smoke, lazily crossing his legs, relaxed and comfortable. The sweat on his body could faintly be seen, possessing the sensuality of a mature man.

His deep, magnetic voice pulled her back from her dreamy trance.

It seemed he was quite sensitive about his age, because she always brought it up. Ji Zhen Tang climbed onto him, fearlessly saying, “Well, you are.”

Zhong Yu Bai pinched her face, “What am I?”

Ji Zhen Tang took a puff of the cigarette, choked, and coughed twice.

Zhong Yu Bai touched her cheek and said softly, “Stop smoking.”

Ji Zhen Tang coughed, feeling dizzy, and rested in his arms for a moment. She pursed her lips, giggling and whispered in his ear, “Seriously, are you lying about your age? I bet you’re only 18, an 18-year-old diamond, the diamond company wants you as their spokesperson.”

Zhong Yu Bai laughed and lightly tapped her hip, “Exaggeration.”

She handed the cigarette back to him, “It’s not good, too harsh, do you have any alcohol?”

Zhong Yu Bai eyed her, “Not planning on sleeping?”

“On such a good day like today, how can we spend it so boringly?”

Ji Zhen Tang instructed him to fetch some alcohol, specifically the oldest bottle from the underground wine cellar, to let her indulge.

She explored his record player and vinyl, played an old port music, lying amidst the seductive sounds, with the garden outside the window as her background, the branches swaying. The kittens were silent, only the magpies on the branches remained, bringing auspiciousness.

Ji Zhen Tang closed her eyes and hummed along, “Struggling in the sea of people every day, in the vast waves, I miss the past.”

The sound of clinking water came to her ears, as strong liquor was poured into a highball glass.

Zhong Yu Bai sat to the side, the tips of his hair still slightly damp, his overflowing charm maxing out his attractiveness.

She watched him quietly pouring the wine, his expression unchanged, his gaze shallow as he looked down at the liquor.

The song played: “Appearances change early, situations change, but feelings remain unchanged.”

Ji Zhen Tang’s heart suddenly skipped a beat. She tensed up abruptly and grasped his wrist tightly. “Hey, I suddenly feel like you resemble someone I knew when I was younger.”

Caught off guard by her sudden tug, Zhong Yu Bai’s hand shook, and wine splattered all over the table. The round little table, already small in size, couldn’t contain even a drop of wine, and it spilled all over the floor.

“What’s this for?” he asked, setting down the wine bottle.

Ji Zhen Tang blushed. “Sorry, sorry.”

She grabbed some tissues to help him clean up, feeling guilty. “Is this carpet expensive?”

Zhong Yu Bai replied nonchalantly, “It’s worthless.”

He pushed her hand away, not letting her clean up.

Ji Zhen Tang chuckled. “If you weren’t so indulgent with me, I’d probably have died hundreds of times by now.”

Despite feeling guilty for ruining the expensive carpet, she couldn’t help but think it might not be worth much to Zhong Yu Bai.

He didn’t even spare a glance at it, simply wiped the table briefly, and then continued pouring the wine for her.

She suddenly felt that what he said about the insignificance of the incident was quite reasonable.

Ji Zhen Tang looked at her small fingernails, thinking back to what Zhong Yu Bai had said after dinner on the return journey, maybe about the teahouse, maybe not.

His persuasive tone made her feel like he was talking about life.

“If someone gives one percent of their ability, they should receive a hundred percent of your gratitude. This itself is unfair. If you don’t want to comply with this unfairness, then accept it calmly. Gratitude is based on equality, but equality is not discussed in this world. If I contribute a fingernail, a simple ‘thank you’ should suffice; there’s no need to feel indebted.”

At that time, she was somewhat intoxicated and asked him blankly, “Why do you say that?”

Zhong Yu Bai smiled and tapped her head. “Today it’s me, but what if it’s someone else tomorrow? A small favor may make you owe others greatly, isn’t it easy to be taken advantage of?”

She suddenly remembered his words and nodded absentmindedly.

So she didn’t bother with the carpet anymore.

Her toes touched it, feeling cool and damp.

After drinking for a while, Ji Zhen Tang wasn’t yet drunk, but the beautiful song kept her immersed in the night, not wanting it to end.

She thought of Su Yunli.

She said to Zhong Yu Bai, “My roommate mentioned going abroad the other day. I felt a bit envious. Actually, I wanted to study abroad after the college entrance examination. I wanted to study art. I always felt like I needed to gain some prestige. Maybe my thoughts were too narrow, I don’t know if they’re right or not. Of course, I’m not qualified to discuss these things with my dad; him supporting my education is already a face-saving move.”

He asked, “You wanted to study abroad?”

She didn’t respond immediately and only said after a while, “I don’t know. I’m very confused. ‘Further education’ sounds impressive, but I don’t really understand why I should pursue it. Maybe I’m still young, standing at the foot of the mountain, not knowing what I’ll see after climbing to the top.”

As she spoke, she felt disheartened. “I don’t know why people have to make major life decisions when they don’t understand anything, like crossing a river by feeling the stones, blindly.”

Zhong Yu Bai said, “The most beneficial aspect of knowledge is the right to choose. It gives your future more possibilities and broadens the dimensions of your thoughts. Once anything is linked to utility, it becomes dull and uninteresting.”

She innocently said, “How can you give up utility? Isn’t going to school to earn money?”

He replied, “You can change your perspective. If you return after your studies and want to become a jewelry tycoon, that’s great. Want to become a tea estate owner? Also good, labor is honorable. Even if you plan to stay at home and live off your parents, as long as conditions permit, it’s also your choice. It’s not about being elevated by a diploma, which narrows the path.”

She argued, “But from a worldly perspective, people will look down on those with high education but low achievements, treating them like useless fish.”

Zhong Yu Bai shrugged, “The world? Just a bunch of clueless people, trying to guide another bunch of clueless people.”

He woke her up, “It’s all fog and illusions, who’s more enlightened?”

Ji Zhen Tang held her cup and, through the mist on the rim, looked at him curiously, “So, what’s the conclusion?”

He said, “If you want to continue your education, I’ll encourage you to do so.”

Ji Zhen Tang had seen his attitude toward other children, always gentle and tolerant.

Sometimes she felt she was quite special, but apparently not special enough to monopolize his patience.

But she wasn’t jealous because someone’s patience with you could be a temporary disguise, but his inherent refinement and patience were hard to fake.

“Do you talk to Tingting about these things too?” she asked with a smile.

Zhong Yu Bai replied, “If she needs my guidance.”

She raised her cup and said to him, “Thank you, I had a great time tonight.”

Ji Zhen Tang clinked her cup against his, “To your greatest romanticism.”

Zhong Yu Bai smiled faintly, “Then…”

He thought for a moment, “To your vast mountains and rivers.”

He wished her smooth sailing no matter which path she chose.

Ji Zhen Tang suddenly felt a slight vibration deep in her soul.

The wine glasses were emptied.

In that moment, she realized they both revealed infinite sincerity.

“Your deviousness and cruelty, are they just a facade?” she curiously studied him, “I often feel you’re a very poetic person. I mean, you must have your vastness.”

Zhong Yu Bai looked at her for a long while, then said with a mocking smile, “In my age, one tends to stick to conventions, be more cautious.”

She burst out laughing.

Putting down the wine, she climbed onto him again, kissing his face and the corners of his mouth, causing his water glass to wobble. He quickly set it down and freed his hands to hold her waist.

“It’s okay, I just like older men who know how to care for others.”

Ji Zhen Tang smiled and kissed him, saying with each kiss, “All for you, my heart belongs to you, my kisses too, my nights, all for you. Okay, now you’ve completely stripped me bare with your charm!”

Zhong Yu Bai chuckled softly, patting her and telling her to get down, saying the chair was unstable and too dangerous.

But Ji Zhen Tang didn’t get down, still straddling him. “I don’t care how others see you, and I don’t care about your past or your future. I only know that at this moment, I’m fascinated by you right now.”

“An enchanting uncle,” she gazed at him affectionately, endlessly confessing her feelings and kissing him. “Being in love with you must be the best thing in the world.”

She would remember this night, remember his scent, remember all the details related to romance, every little thing, embedding itself deep within her, turning into an old dream. In the years to come, recalling it would bring her infinite tenderness.

Finally, as she drifted into a light sleep, he whispered in her ear, “Then love me well.”

Ji Zhen Tang returned to school the next day. As she walked out of the classroom building after class, she unexpectedly ran into Xu Qiang.

“Xiao Tang.” Xu Qiang hurriedly stepped forward to greet her as she reached the steps.

Ji Zhen Tang was surprised. “Auntie, what brings you here?”

Xu Qiang sighed. “Oh, I’ve been looking for you for ages. This school of yours is huge.”

Without needing to think, Ji Zhen Tang knew why she was here. She invited Xu Qiang to have lunch at a nearby mall and apologized first, “I hope I didn’t scare you yesterday.”

Xu Qiang, understanding the situation, said, “It’s not your fault.”

Ji Zhen Tang forced a smile. “I know I said some things I shouldn’t have. When people lose control, they tend to be emotional. When my dad spoke to me like that, I was really angry, so I spoke without thinking. I hope I didn’t hurt you.”

Xu Qiang smiled. “It’s really okay. You don’t need to apologize to me.”

After a moment of silence, they fell into an awkward silence. Xu Qiang spoke again, getting to the point, “Your dad asked me to find you. He knows he was too harsh and can’t bring himself to apologize to you, but he wanted me to tell you that he still hopes you’ll break up with him. If you want, he can introduce someone to you, but he doesn’t want you to waste your time.”

Ji Zhen Tang wasn’t naive; she knew that the first part of what Xu Qiang said was likely just polite speech, while the latter part was her father’s true, ruthless demand.

Xu Qiang added, as if it were her own thought, “After all, Zhong Yu Bai is only a few years younger than him.”

She remembered what he said yesterday: society is just a group of people who don’t understand how to live, trying to advise another group of people who also don’t understand.

In society, there was no fairness between her and him, not even in age.

“What does ‘waste’ mean? Is it doing something without seeing the results?” Ji Zhen Tang smiled. “But ‘waste’ makes me feel satisfied. So I don’t really think it’s a waste.”

“…” Xu Qiang was stunned.

Ji Zhen Tang explained, “I used to have anxiety because I cared too much about the outcome, whether it was good or bad. Then I realized I shouldn’t live like that.”

She spoke about Ji Huan, “From childhood to adulthood, he had many chances to shape me into what he wanted, but he gave up on me, so he shouldn’t come out now and tell me how to change. Even if a love affair is considered a waste of time to him, for me, the joy I gain is something he can’t understand.”

Xu Qiang seemed troubled. “So, do you… want to try to reconcile with him? Anyway, I shouldn’t meddle in your father-daughter affairs.”

Ji Zhen Tang was grateful to Xu Qiang, a woman who was discreet and considerate. Even when she was scared by Ji Zhen Tang’s appearance as a child, she only argued with Ji Huan behind closed doors, never blaming her in the least, always appearing friendly and peaceful. Even now, she still intervened in matters she shouldn’t be involved in. She had done her utmost.

So Ji Zhen Tang was willing to open up to her: “When I first returned to China, I didn’t know what identity to settle on in this society, so I was lost for a while. Ethically speaking, someone like me shouldn’t exist, but I still do. I know I’m a mistake, but what can I do? I can’t commit suicide, I can’t hate myself, I can only continue this erroneous life.”

“So I was cautious, feeling indebted to everyone. Until someone appeared, willing to lend me a hand. Only then could I completely let go of my guard against the world.”

“Now I can confront my greed, admit that I approached him because he could give me a lot. But I also know very well that feelings born from superficial desire are the hardest to sustain. What I covet will eventually become an abyss, swallowing me whole.”

As Ji Zhen Tang spoke, she paused, organizing her thoughts. Rather than explaining to Xu Qiang, she seemed more like sorting out clues to her own growth.

“I must support myself, balance the scales, not become anyone’s appendage. Because destroying oneself is much easier than building convictions.”

“I’m trying to seek a relationship that’s balanced, stable, and healthy. Not about wealth, not about age. Stripping away life’s glory and splendor, ignoring the ups and downs of fate, beyond the ebb and flow of the tide, he and I are still the most compatible gears.”

“This is the love I want.”

She finished speaking and looked at Xu Qiang, her gaze determined.

“I like Zhong Yu Bai, and that won’t change. No matter how much my dad expresses his discontent, I won’t back down.”

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