Chapter 47: Wildness

Zhong Yu Bai reached into the pool with his fingers, gently stirring around. Ji Zhen Tang’s innocent eyes looked at him, her feet tense, toes spread out, until she heard him say softly, “Quite clean.”

He gently pressed her forehead again, looking down at her, “Do you not trust me?”

Her eyes were clear, with a hint of moisture, like cleaned amber.

Shaking her head, unsure of what to say.

In her heart, there was a sense of sadness, feeling incomplete.

Marriage, love, intimacy, lacking any one of them makes it incomplete. The gap in feelings exhausts the heart that gives love.

Being held by him softened Ji Zhen Tang’s heart. Her eyes teared up, leaning against him, like a kitten curling up, rubbing against his chest.

Zhong Yu Bai remained silent, not offering any comfort, just holding her. Often, in many situations, physical expression is sufficient without the need for words.

She had never cried while being held before. Tears were undoubtedly sad, but this feeling was warm.

After bathing, Zhong Yu Bai brought her the sapphire she hadn’t wanted initially, slipping it onto her warm finger, gently rubbing it with his fingertip, saying, “This color is beautiful, unmatched in the world, a pity to keep it in the cabinet.”

She looked at the sapphire beneath her joint, making her fingers appear even paler. In the world dimmed by the storm, it sparkled unbelievably.

“It’s beautiful, like the eyes of the night.”

Ji Zhen Tang smiled, leaning against his shoulder.

For dinner, he had a team of chefs prepare a sumptuous seafood feast, filling the long dining table. It was Ji Zhen Tang’s first time eating Emperor crabs, and Zhong Yu Bai generously gave her a whole crab. Her ability to eat it was also due to the fact that the crab meat had no price tag on it.

In the warm and humid night, the moon in the sky was reflected in the pond, fragmented and desolate. In a dimly lit room, the dry and gentle floral tablecloth and the draped window curtains were illuminated.

She dined amidst elegant tranquility, the French lamp flowers falling into porcelain plates.

Ji Zhen Tang lifted the hand with the ring, afraid of soiling the diamond, scooped up some soup to drink, glanced at her own awkward manicured fingers, thinking about the missing cheongsam and shawl, feeling like she had truly become a rich lady.

Looking at Zhong Yu Bai, she immersed herself in beautiful fantasies, lips curved in a smile.

But then she thought of something unpleasant, her whimsical thoughts abruptly halted, and she sighed again, saying, “My dad is such a hypocritical and strange person. When he should care about me, he doesn’t, but when I don’t want him to care, he comes out and criticizes me. It’s like he’s extremely worried whenever I’m with someone he doesn’t approve of. I can’t understand how he interprets this situation. Is he afraid I’ll marry badly, or is he afraid of getting involved himself?”

With a questioning gaze, she looked across at Zhong Yu Bai.

He was wearing a black shirt, calm and composed. On this night after the sudden rain, only a long, deep, and profound silence remained.

Zhong Yu Bai didn’t rush to answer. He found that the recent troubles bothering her—actually, it had always been related to Ji Huan.

It’s just that recently, he wasn’t sure what turmoil had caused their relationship to undergo such abrupt changes.

Right now, she raised her eyes, staring earnestly as if seeking his help to find a way out.

Zhong Yu Bai didn’t answer directly but instead asked, “Do you know about estrangement theory?”

“Hmm?” She sucked on the crab roe, “Never heard of it.”

“It’s about making what you care about feel distant. Changing the environment of thought is like altering the conventional use of words in literature.”

He supported her calmly, scooping up crab roe, picking crab meat, and putting it into a small bowl sprinkled with cilantro in front of her.

Ji Zhen Tang tried to understand but furrowed her brow in partial comprehension, “I don’t understand.”

Zhong Yu Bai said, “Have you ever felt that staring at a word for a long time makes it almost unrecognizable? The simple truth is, you can’t find answers by immersing yourself in it. Keeping a distance might bring a fresh perspective.”

“Can keeping a distance really help figure out what to do?” she asked.

“When you stop obsessing over something, it can show its true nature to you objectively,” he said. “To rid yourself of worries, forget about yourself first.”

Ji Zhen Tang silently repeated this in her mind, smiled, and said, “Are you a philosopher?”

Zhong Yu Bai said, “You don’t need to study the philosophy of life. You understand it through experience.”

She shook her head, “Even with twenty more years, I still wouldn’t fully understand.”

“Wait until you’re forty. Look back at the conflicts with your father now, judge them objectively, and the effect will be different.”

That’s probably what he meant by estrangement.

Finally, he added, “You don’t need to judge everything as right or wrong. Even if he dislikes me, it’s just from his perspective.”

He scooped up the last neatly cut piece of crab meat with a small spoon and brought it to her mouth.

Ji Zhen Tang held the spoon and said, “Then… aren’t you trying to please my father?”

“If you don’t think about it, I won’t either,” Zhong Yu Bai said casually. “Just remember, pleasing yourself is your task. Pleasing you is mine.”

Her heart fluttered.

He said, “Let’s work together to make you happy. Other people’s opinions are just fleeting.”

She felt embarrassed by his words, “What about you? Don’t you need warmth? I can provide that.”

Her opinion was that not everything should revolve around her.

After all, she had never been someone who lived at the center of things, which made her feel overwhelmed by the attention.

“Warmth,” Zhong Yu Bai wiped his fingers and softly pronounced the word, “If I were as old as you, being together would be mutual warmth. For now, I just want to provide warmth for you.”

“…,” Ji Zhen Tang was once again stunned, saying, “You make me feel so embarrassed, it’s like I’m taking up so much of your energy.”

“If I said I didn’t mind, would you believe me?” Zhong Yu Bai said, smiling gently at her, “How about trying this? Next time you want to thank someone, change ‘thank you’ to ‘I deserve it.’ Instead of saying sorry, say ‘I’m not wrong.’”

She laughed heartily at his indulgent attitude, “Oh my, if you had a daughter, she would definitely be raised to be a arrogant and willful little princess by you.”

He said, “Being willful is a child’s right.”

“Then I’d become incredibly arrogant, disdainful of the whole world.”

“Disdain it,” Zhong Yu Bai shrugged, “After all, this world is pretty lousy and not worthy of every respect.”

She suddenly felt her collapsed little universe re-energize from his words.

Ji Zhen Tang asked, “By the way, were you at my college today to inquire about me?”

Zhong Yu Bai’s eyes hesitated briefly, a moment of being caught off guard.

She was surprised that she could guess his thoughts and asked, “Why?”

He admitted, “I was actually interested in learning about the study abroad programs. But I didn’t want to be too obvious and give your teachers a bad impression.”

He was still considering her, not wanting her to be embroiled in gossip. Even though their relationship wasn’t that bad from the start, Zhong Yu Bai was a person who followed his heart, but he needed to find some stability for her wavering mind.

If he didn’t do this, he wouldn’t do it at all.

“Oh, so you were afraid I’d sneak away without telling you?” Ji Zhen Tang thought to herself. Last time, her casual mention of studying abroad had become a knot in his heart. She smiled and asked, “If I really went abroad to study, would you wait for me?”

Zhong Yu Bai thought for a moment and asked somewhat solemnly, “Do you want me to wait for you?”

In hindsight, Ji Zhen Tang realized that these two seemingly calm questions were probably the deepest test of their future between them.

She wanted his answer, and he wanted to probe the depths of her heart.

Ji Zhen Tang didn’t think too much at the time and half-jokingly said, “If you don’t want to, would you tie me down with a red string?”

There was silence for a while. He smiled faintly and said, “No need to tie it. Sweet melons are not forced to ripen.”

At this moment, she would have preferred him to say he would hold on tighter.

It was a reply that inexplicably made her feel melancholic.

She also laughed, “I’ve heard early on that there are no good men in the Zhong family. They’re either playboys or sly old foxes, or some sinners. Definitely no romantics.”

Zhong Yu Bai didn’t reply, just smiled knowingly. But Ji Zhen Tang felt he probably didn’t really think that way; he just didn’t want to argue.

“One more thing, do you have Dr. Zhu’s contact information?” Ji Zhen Tang brought up her big plans, “I want to ask if she can help me as a model.”

She suddenly remembered this person today, Dr. Zhu from the Cardiovascular Department at Rui Xi Hospital. Ji Zhen Tang had met her a few times, once at Zhong Yu Bai’s grandmother’s birthday banquet.

That face had a memorable cool temperament, perfectly suited for her classical beauty design. She had a sudden inspiration and wanted to reach out to her for help.

Zhong Yu Bai searched for a while but couldn’t find it, only Chen Ke’s.

He was about to ask, but Ji Zhen Tang didn’t want him to worry and said she could handle it herself.

“Destiny is strange. Those in arranged marriages lack love, and those in love can’t marry.” She sent a friend request to Chen Ke, then put down her phone, sighing inexplicably.

Zhong Yu Bai said, “But that’s just one case.”

Ji Zhen Tang moved her mouth, wanting to say: “But this circle of yours gives me that feeling. So many are helpless, insincere. They marry without love. Zhong Heng has the right to speak. He must have poured out a lot of bitterness.”

The words circled in her mouth, and when she thought of Zhong Heng, she let it go.

Then he suddenly asked her, “Do you want to move in?”

Just like that, in the midst of her scattered thoughts, he made the invitation.

Ji Zhen Tang snapped out of it and hesitated, “Ah?”

When this reached the bed, Zhong Yu Bai asked again. She hesitated for a moment, teased by him, and Zhong Yu Bai lightly laughed, “If you won’t sleep by my side, how much fun is left in our love?”

She quickly found an excuse, “I grind my teeth and might disturb you.”

“You misunderstood again, didn’t you?” Zhong Yu Bai pinched her cheek and asked, “Why are you unwilling? Tell me.”

Ji Zhen Tang weakly said, “If I really live with you, it feels like I’ll become yours.”

He chuckled, “Aren’t you already mine?”

“… ” She paused. “But what if people find out? ‘Zhong Boss hides a beauty in his golden house’—what about your reputation?”

“Golden house hides a beauty.” He repeated this lovely phrase. “I’m not afraid of being found out.”

Curious, Ji Zhen Tang asked, “So, is there any reason for you to be so eager?”

Zhong Yu Bai scrutinized her for a long time, not considering the question but just looking at her. After a while, he said, “Eager to give you a home.”

Ji Zhen Tang felt a pang, sitting up and diverting her attention. “Alright, then you have to show me what’s attractive about this home.”

In the dead of night, she got up to visit his house. Carpets and rugs covered the floors. She walked downstairs barefoot, with Zhong Yu Bai accompanying her.

At the corner of the stairs, she knocked over a vase. Though it didn’t break, she was still startled. She almost apologized but changed her mind, awkwardly blurting out three words, “It’s not my fault.”

Zhong Yu Bai smiled and nodded, “It’s okay, it’s just a decoration.”

She looked at the pitiful porcelain on the floor and smiled with relief.

How did that song go again? If you act willfully, I’ll accompany you with wine in this life.

She could feel him conceding little by little, giving her space to be wilful.

Ji Zhen Tang walked ahead, feeling light-hearted.

Finally, in his dining room, she saw a fish tank with only two fish inside. One black, one red, both carp. The background of the tank was a Chinese ink painting. It didn’t quite match the full French style décor here; the painting seemed custom-made, not cheap, with a somewhat moderate Chinese style.

He didn’t mention it, and she probably forgot. That day at the Qing University Museum, he discovered her painting—a freehand landscape with a red carp.

Zhong Yu Bai stared at the painting for a long time, subtle ripples stirring in his heart. When he withdrew his gaze, he saw her signature.

After returning, he set up a fish tank here and kept two live fish.

Like a depiction of people.

She was a fish, swimming into his landscape.

Ji Zhen Tang peeled the fish bait and threw it into the water. The light from the tank illuminated her bright cheeks and eyes. She watched intently as the fish inside blew bubbles, her expression pure and innocent, much like a child.

Zhong Yu Bai leaned against the fish tank, watching her as she watched the fish. After a while, he spoke calmly, “Whether you’re willing or not, I won’t pressure you. The choice is yours in this matter. Everything I say is just a suggestion. But being with me, compared to being with your aunt, might feel better to you.”

Ji Zhen Tang looked up at him. She remembered how he had previously sent someone to tell her, “The choice is yours, including the freedom to abstain.”

Zhong Yu Bai continued, “Love is like a relationship—it can be led by you or by me. Ultimately, the feelings are mutual, and I don’t want you to feel any sense of inequality.”

“Besides that, small gestures, I can afford willingly. We come from different backgrounds and starting points, so our gains are naturally different. If my one percent can balance out your one percent, it’s a form of equilibrium.”

Zhong Yu Bai looked at her seriously, hoping she would remember his sincerity and not feel burdened.

Ji Zhen Tang used to feel oppressed by his status and constraints, but slowly, some perspectives had stabilized their relationship.

Ultimately, she had no leverage, relying entirely on his tolerance.

Stumbling, Ji Zhen Tang asked, “Could you repeat what you just said to me? About keeping warm?”

Zhong Yu Bai recalled her request and replied with a smile, “I’m past the age of seeking mutual warmth with you. Now, I just want to keep you warm.”

As bits of fish bait sank, carp chased and played with each other, and the window frost held intense moisture of the long night. In her eyes, his amber eyes reflected only his clarity.

Ji Zhen Tang blinked slowly, tears welling up, “Hmm, is there anything I can do?”

He said, “Just stay with me.”

In saying so, Zhong Yu Bai still underestimated her understanding. She didn’t think he was cold-hearted; instead, he seemed like someone who understood and knew how to love.

Understanding and being capable of love—it’s a very rare quality.

“Oh, right,” Zhong Yu Bai remembered something and took out a brand new club membership card from his pocket, “When you took off your clothes just now, this fell out. Is it yours?”

Ji Zhen Tang glanced over, “Hmm, my roommate’s friend is having a birthday. I’m going to broaden my horizons. They say the membership fee is high, but I managed to snag a card, which will get me discounts in the future. A night cruise on the Pujiang River is said to be great, a chance to indulge.”

She said with a hint of satisfaction on her face.

Zhong Yu Bai chuckled, “You want to indulge, but it costs a hundred bucks?”

He pointed at the advertisement on the card, showcasing a massive cruise ship, and said, “My ship.”

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