Chapter 199: Who Can Cross The Sea Of Suffering?

The body of the lead wildcat rolled past the branches piled at the cave entrance, landing among the other glowing-eyed creatures. The animals stirred, baring their teeth as they sensed danger, but none were willing to leave. They paced silently, seemingly searching for an opportunity to enter.

Outside, the snow continued to fall.

Finding a warm, sheltered spot was difficult, and none of the cats were willing to give up. They moved with silent steps, as if looking for a way in.

Wildcats in the mountains were not like domesticated house cats. Each one had sharp claws and fangs, and their menacing movements at the cave entrance sent chills down one’s spine.

But the fate of their fellow cat made them wary.

Jiang Xuening stood her ground, her back already damp with cold sweat. After standing for a while, her calves began to tremble from the tension.

No.

Stalemate was not an option.

She had to drive these beasts away.

Deep in the mountains, far from human presence, she had heard from traveling merchants and laborers that wild animals feared fire.

Jiang Xuening tightened her grip on the knife, but her gaze shifted subtly toward the still-burning fire in the cave. Then, gritting her teeth, she quickly pulled out a blazing stick and swung it toward the wildcats surrounding the entrance!

The scorching heat instantly forced the cats to react.

Almost all of them arched their backs and scattered to the sides as she advanced.

But a few were too slow to escape. Their fur was singed by the flames, and their skin was scorched by the red-hot stick. They let out sharp, piercing cries and fled into the distance.

How could a few wild animals contend with a human?

After being burned, even the fiercest among them dared not advance further.

Jiang Xuening continued to drive them away with the burning stick.

They retreated into the wind and snow, finally realizing they could not enter the cave. Reluctantly, they let out a few more cries before slowly dispersing. In the blink of an eye, their tracks vanished in the snow, likely seeking other shelter from the storm. After the heart-pounding confrontation, peace finally returned.

Jiang Xuening gasped for breath, wanting to walk back, but for some reason, her feet felt rooted to the ground, as if she were nailed in place.

Until a hand suddenly gripped her arm and pulled her toward him.

Xie Wei’s chest seemed to burn with a fire.

He cupped the back of her head, pressing her into his embrace, and kissed her deeply, his tongue exploring her lips, prying open her teeth, invading like a scorching flame, yet tense with a thrilling mix of restraint and ferocity.

Jiang Xuening’s mind went blank.

Xie Wei was like a beast, devouring her, murmuring, “I’m rotten to the core. How can you be so soft-hearted?”

Before she could gather her thoughts, she was already ensnared by his arms, unable to break free, trapped in a haze of confusion.

Earlier, as Xie Wei sat by the fire, his lips and fingers had carried a lingering warmth. But as he pressed closer, Jiang Xuening realized that warmth was only surface-deep. From within him, a coldness slowly seeped out.

Despite the fiery kiss, it sent shivers through her.

He clung tightly to her skin, drawing warmth from her.

The burning stick had been wrested from her hand and thrown aside, but the knife remained in her grip.

In her tension, Jiang Xuening had forgotten to let go.

It seemed that only by clutching it tightly could she feel safe.

But Xie Wei’s fingers trailed down her wrist, slowly prying open her curled, nearly spasming fingers, forcefully removing the knife from her grasp.

Yet she held it so tightly.

A red mark was left on her palm.

Xie Wei’s kiss softened, his deep, calm eyes gazing at her as he whispered soothingly, “It’s alright. Give me the knife.”

Tears unexpectedly rolled down her cheeks.

Jiang Xuening trembled.

Finally, he pried the short knife from her fingers and tossed it aside. He cradled her dark hair, letting her forehead rest against his chest as she cried softly, her slender shoulders shaking with lingering fear.

Xie Wei stood quietly, blinking, and suddenly thought: If only we could stay trapped in these mountains forever, it would be fine.

But almost as soon as the thought emerged, another voice screamed at him in his mind—

How dare you?

How dare you!

Your life has been fraught with hardship, filled with ups and downs, and half a lifetime of struggle. You don’t even have the luxury of peaceful dreams. The blood debt of your past remains unavenged. How dare you entertain such thoughts?

Jiang Xuening, for all her courage, had only ever dealt with palace intrigues and petty squabbles in the marketplace. She had never encountered something as bizarre and terrifying as wildcats howling in the night.

Only after calming down did she realize how terrified she had been.

She cried for a long time, pushing Xie Wei away before sitting back down by the fire to add more wood, her sobs still lingering.

The scene had an indescribable absurdity to it.

Xie Wei slowly began to laugh.

Jiang Xuening saw this, raised a branch in her hand, and smacked it against the ground, glaring at him fiercely. “What are you laughing at? Someone who’s scared of some wild cats has no right to laugh! If it weren’t for me, you’d have been torn to pieces by now!”

Xie Wei found her childish temper amusing and didn’t argue.

He simply picked up the broken branch she had discarded and tossed it into the fire.

Jiang Xuening wiped her face, feeling aggrieved as she recalled what had just happened. She shed a few more tears, crying until the sky outside brightened. Only then did she realize how hungry she was. She pulled out the bamboo skewer with the roasted rabbit and handed it to Xie Wei, grumbling, “I’m hungry.”

Xie Wei had always been the one to prepare their meals.

He didn’t say anything, just took it.

They roasted the rabbit.

Jiang Xuening ate voraciously, as if venting her anger, while Xie Wei seemed to have little appetite, eating only a few slices before setting it aside.

The snow outside had lightened, with only a few flakes still drifting down.

The mountains and fields were blanketed in white.

No birds could be seen, and few animals were about.

After eating, Jiang Xuening frowned, picking up a branch to calculate how long their food and firewood would last. She recalled the situation in Tatar and suddenly thought of Shen Zhiyi.

The branch she was using to draw on the ground suddenly stopped.

She turned to Xie Wei, hesitating before asking, “Earlier, you said Yan Lin had already gone ahead to the border to find a way to rescue Her Highness. But what exactly is the plan? Will our delay affect it?”

Xie Wei sat there, seemingly lost in thought, and didn’t answer.

Jiang Xuening was about to repeat her question, but as she stood up to walk toward Xie Wei, she suddenly felt that something was off. What was it? A flash of insight struck her, and when she looked at Xie Wei again, she realized—

He was sitting there, staring at the snow!

The vast, white expanse of snow gave a sense of desolate emptiness. The light from the sky reflected off the snow and poured into his eyes.

Xie Wei sat as still as a statue.

But Jiang Xuening suddenly felt an inexplicable unease, even stronger than when she had faced the wildcats. She called out, “Sir.”

Xie Wei didn’t turn his head. “It won’t affect things much.”

But by now, Jiang Xuening no longer cared about the answer. She remembered the terrifying speculation that You Fangyin had revealed in her past life. Looking at Xie Wei, who was still gazing outside, a faint trace of fear crept into her voice. “Xie Wei!”

Xie Wei asked, “What’s wrong?”

She was simply afraid. She stepped forward and grabbed him, pulling him away from the view. “Stop looking!”

Xie Wei looked at her, distant shadows flickering in his eyes, and asked, “Do you know something?”

Jiang Xuening’s heart pounded like a drum. “K-know what?”

Xie Wei smiled. “If you don’t know, then why are you afraid?”

Jiang Xuening forced herself to stay calm. “I’m not afraid.”

Xie Wei reached out, his fingers trailing along her jawline, resting against the side of her neck. His cool palm pressed against her delicate skin, feeling the pulse of her blood. He said flatly, “You’re lying.”

Jiang Xuening shuddered, swatting his hand away and tightening her slightly open collar. She stepped back, a hint of anger in her voice, though it was mostly bravado. “You’re insane!”

Xie Wei said nothing more.

He truly stopped looking at the snow, leaning lightly against the cave wall to rest.

At first, Jiang Xuening didn’t notice anything unusual.

By the second day, she realized that the muffled coughing she occasionally heard in her dreams wasn’t a dream at all.

Xie Wei had started coughing.

In such cold weather, his complexion was visibly deteriorating.

On the third day, he burned a small portion of the roe deer meat.

That same day, she filled a water pouch with snow and handed it to Xie Wei. He didn’t take it immediately, pausing for a moment before finally grasping it.

In that moment, Jiang Xuening felt a chill seep into her bones.

Xie Wei’s eyes showed no obvious signs of distress. He took a slow sip of water and said to her, “I’m of no use now. If I were you, I’d be smart enough to take what you need and leave as soon as the snow stops.”

Jiang Xuening thought, what’s wrong with this man?

She dared not reveal any extra emotion, simply saying, “Do you want to die here?”

Xie Wei coughed again, a faint smile playing on his lips. “What’s wrong with dying here?”

At least it would be better than becoming a pawn in someone else’s hands.

To live and die on one’s own terms.

But Jiang Xuening felt as if she were in a dream, looking at this calm, ordinary man before her. A profound sorrow welled up inside her, filling her completely.

This was a Xie Wei she had never seen in either of her lifetimes.

But how could it be?

How could Xie Wei be like this…

She took a step back, her chest feeling as if a massive stone were pressing down on it, making it hard to breathe.

So she turned and walked out of the cave.

The biting cold wind outside hit her face, and she gradually caught her breath.

Xie Wei remained seated, unmoving, slowly sealing the water pouch and setting it aside.

He thought, if only she would really leave.

But before long, the sound of footsteps approached again, and she reentered the cave, saying coldly, “The snow has stopped outside. The sun is out, and it will warm up soon. We’ll be able to set off before long.”

Xie Wei smiled faintly, almost imperceptibly. How could he believe her?

Snowfall isn’t cold; melting snow is.

If the sun really came out and the snow still covered the mountains, the days ahead would be even harder.

Jiang Xuening didn’t mention leaving at all, as if she had never heard Xie Wei’s words.

From that day on, she took over the cooking.

Sometimes the food was overcooked, sometimes undercooked. It always took several attempts before they could eat properly.

Xie Wei didn’t complain.

But perhaps he simply didn’t have the strength to complain.

As the weather grew colder, his coughing worsened, and eventually, he developed a fever. When he closed his eyes, demons and monsters roamed freely, and evil spirits ruled the land.

At times, he saw the innocent, fearful eyes of the children imprisoned with him. At other times, he saw the towering swords of Prince Pingnan and the Heavenly Cult rebels…

The face of the evil Taoist twisted in rage.

They tied him to the city wall, a blade at his throat, intending to use his life to force the troops below to retreat.

Then came the armies, the mountains of corpses, the rivers of blood.

Someone called out to him from the void.

So he walked toward it.

But a hand reached out from the emptiness, gripping him tightly, making every step feel like walking on knives, boiling in oil. He wanted to scream.

Save me—

But no sound came from his throat.

He was like a wandering ghost, carrying a body destined for destruction, struggling with wounds all over, yet clinging to that breath of life, hiding in the shadows, watching.

A voice emerged from the depths of the thick fog, shouting anxiously at him, “Live, survive, survive!”

Another voice lurked in the darkness, cackling, “You should have died long ago! So much suffering, so much pain—why aren’t you dead yet?!”

Why aren’t you dead yet?

Why aren’t you dead yet?

Why aren’t you dead yet?!

The devil roamed in his nightmares, growing from the depths of his body, entangling his soul like a giant net.

He had no knife, no sword.

And no one could hear his voice.

Only when a cold hand gently rested on his wrist in this place where he could see and hear nothing did Xie Wei feel a shiver and finally escape from the oppressive dream.

He tightly grasped this hand!

Jiang Xuening had only intended to check his pulse, seeing that he was already delirious, unaware of day or night. She hadn’t expected such a sudden change. Her heart skipped a beat, and she exclaimed, “You’re awake?”

His grip was too tight, hurting her, so she struggled slightly.

But he only held on tighter. “Where are you going?”

His hoarse voice was low, sending chills down her spine.

It was deep into the night.

The firewood they had gathered was nearly gone, even though they had been frugal with it.

The flames on the fire were dim.

They couldn’t even clearly illuminate their outlines.

That unease rose again in Jiang Xuening’s heart. She could feel his eyes locked onto her, but she remained calm. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here.”

Xie Wei said, “You’re a little liar, always deceiving.”

His fingers dug deeply into the gaps between hers, forcefully intertwining their hands. In the depths of his calm, sea-like eyes, a long-dormant madness seemed to stir. He gripped her chin and kissed her fiercely, as if punishing her.

It was a violent kiss, filled with the metallic taste of blood.

He bit her lip, the sweetness of blood mingling as he deepened the kiss, forcing her tongue, releasing an extreme intensity that left her breathless, nearly suffocating.

Jiang Xuening was terrified.

In the darkness, her chest heaved, while he loomed over her, pinning her down.

Xie Wei’s thumb roughly brushed over her injured lip, only easing his grip when he saw a flicker of pain in her eyes. He asked softly, “Why do you like Zhang Zhe? He knows nothing. Only I can understand you.”

His hoarse voice was like spring catkins drifting in the wind.

But to Jiang Xuening, it sent shivers through her.

She finally realized the decay and darkness hidden beneath this saintly exterior, the oppressive restraint, the pathological obsession…

Xie Wei pressed her against the cold cave wall.

His warm lips trailed from her ear to her neck.

His other hand quietly wrapped around her slender neck, resting on her fragile throat. “Do you know what I want to do most right now?”

Jiang Xuening felt something hot fall into the hollow of her neck, trickling down.

She trembled.

Xie Wei whispered into her ear, as if in a trance, “I want to kill you.”

Once, he had thought his heart was an impregnable fortress.

He slowly tightened his grip, not bothering to look at her expression. His voice, cold to the core, was tinged with despair, yet also carried a seductive quality—whether it was meant to seduce her or himself, it was unclear. “Jiang Xuening, let’s die together here, okay?”

Jiang Xuening slowly closed her eyes.

In that moment, she felt that this man, who had terrified her for half her life, was hateful, pitiful, and even wretched!

She wanted to slap him, to wake him up.

But tears streamed down her face.

His intense, mad emotions enveloped her, reminding her of the difficult days of the past. Her throat felt blocked, and she nearly sobbed, “No, Xie Ju’an, not at all. I saved you. This life isn’t yours—it’s mine! I haven’t agreed yet…”

Don’t be a coward.

Don’t make me look down on you.

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