Chapter 200: Living

Xie Wei finally let go of her slowly.

The darkness was serene.

Only in such moments, where no one could see each other clearly, did someone dare to peel back the normal, glamorous exterior, revealing something darker than the darkness itself, allowing a glimpse beneath the surface.

His hand was still clasped with hers, fingers intertwined.

Jiang Xuening said, “Go get some sleep.”

But Xie Wei’s fingers gradually moved to her wrist, touching the faint scar that was almost gone, and he lowered his eyes, gently caressing it.

He said, “I thought you didn’t care.”

Jiang Xuening stood up, adding firewood to the nearly extinguished fire. She didn’t care if there would be enough for tomorrow, only watching as the flames slowly rose again, illuminating the dim and cold cave. Her heart gradually calmed.

Without turning her head, she said, “Are you even worthy of death?”

Xie Wei remained silent behind her for a long time before softly laughing, “You’re right, I’m not worthy.”

That night passed peacefully.

Xie Wei truly fell asleep.

He didn’t dream at all.

But Jiang Xuening stayed by the fire, sitting through the entire night until dawn. The firewood burned out, slowly extinguishing, leaving only a few faintly glowing embers radiating warmth.

When she came to her senses, Xie Wei had already gotten up at some point and was sitting across from her, calmly reminding her, “It’s burnt.”

Jiang Xuening looked down.

Indeed, the venison skewered on the bamboo stick was charred on one side, even emitting an unpleasant smell.

She said listlessly, “Your eyes might not see well, but your nose is sharp.”

Xie Wei didn’t ask how she knew, because it was too obvious. He only asked, “Last night, why didn’t you agree?”

Jiang Xuening sneered, “Agree to die with you?”

Xie Wei was silent for a while, but compared to last night, his expression seemed like that of a different person—his long eyebrows, straight nose, narrow eyes, and thin lips gave him an air of detachment. He didn’t deny it at all, asking, “Why?”

Why was he even asking?

What normal person would want to die!

Jiang Xuening forcefully tore off the burnt part, wanting to say something harsh, but in the end, she softened her tone.

Because she knew that last night, this man had been serious.

So she said, “I’m afraid of pain.”

Unexpectedly, Xie Wei followed up, “What if it didn’t hurt?”

How could death not hurt?

Jiang Xuening stared at the charred meat, momentarily lost in thought, before looking back at Xie Wei. For once, she answered him seriously, “Living allows me to eat, drink, and enjoy countless pleasures. Not only do I wish to live, but I also wish to live longer. Mr. Xie, I’ve thought about your words for two years. You’re right—life is not free. I think of Her Highness, worry about Yan Lin, miss Fangyin… So many people need me, care for me. Asking me to die—I can’t bear it. If I can live one more day, I will. Even if it’s just one more hour, it’s still happiness.”

Before, she thought Xie Wei was a saint. Later, she thought he was a devil.

But in truth, she was wrong both times.

Xie Wei was just flesh and blood, as Lu Xian had said, merely struggling in this mortal purgatory, living a life even more ordinary than hers.

When he said, “Only I can understand you,” Jiang Xuening had also completely understood him.

In her past life, You Fangyin hadn’t been wrong.

From beginning to end, Xie Wei, who had never acknowledged that identity, was truly the heir Dingfei, blessed by heaven and fortunate to survive, carrying the bloodlines of the Xiao and Yan clans.

He didn’t need to return to his ancestral roots.

He didn’t need familial ties.

From the moment the royal family and the Xiao clan pushed him out as a scapegoat, he became Xie Wei, abandoning his old name and surname. He would never have another peaceful day, never sleep soundly again, only immersed in the cold flames of hatred.

In a chaotic world, saints cannot survive.

Only devils, under the banner of warlords, can wash away the grievances of the past.

In her lifetime, she had suffered because of “family ties.” Hadn’t Xie Wei suffered the same?

So if he could understand her, she could also understand him.

It was just that she realized it too late, while Xie Wei might have seen through her completely many years ago, when they traveled to the capital together and he learned of her background and struggles.

Jiang Xuening felt that life was truly strange. After speaking, she thought of the people who had passed through her life—some left scars, while others healed her pain.

This kind of struggle and turbulence was what it meant to be alive.

Suddenly, she became open and calm, as if she had reached a profound understanding. She asked him, “Do you have snow blindness? How much can you still see?”

Xie Wei remained silent for a long time, perhaps pondering the meaning behind her words, “I can’t bear it.”

Jiang Xuening tore off a piece of well-cooked meat and handed it to him.

Xie Wei didn’t take it. Instead, he looked up and asked, “Last night, I was delirious and confused. I acted recklessly and inappropriately. You didn’t seem frightened or bothered by it?”

Frightened?

A little.

But as for being bothered, she truly hadn’t given it much thought. When she reflected on it, those two kisses seemed more like an expression of extreme emotion rather than driven by desire or lust.

Now, when she looked at him, it was as clear as looking at herself.

His figure stood tall and unshakable, like a mountain.

Jiang Xuening gazed at him for a moment, then took back the piece of meat he hadn’t accepted. She took a small bite herself, scoffed, but spoke with rare seriousness, “Xie Ju’an, you’re not sick. You’re just mad.”

Xie Wei laughed at her words.

Jiang Xuening couldn’t understand this laughter, nor did she care to dwell on it. She placed the bamboo skewer with the remaining meat next to him, took a small piece in her mouth, and stood up, walking toward the mouth of the cave.

The snow had indeed stopped.

It had even melted a little.

But as she stepped onto the snow, her feet sank into the depressions, and half her calf disappeared into the snow.

Looking toward the distant mountains, layer upon layer, even if the journey wasn’t far, it would be difficult for them to proceed under these conditions, crossing mountains and ridges to reach Jinan Prefecture.

However…

Jiang Xuening squinted into the distance, her gaze settling on a far-off mountain.

She had been looking at it since yesterday evening.

But the light had been too dim then, and she couldn’t see clearly.

Now, with the bright daylight, everything that had been vague last night became crystal clear. The southeastern side of that mountain had very little snow!

Even with the naked eye, she could see the dense forest on the slope, a mix of dark and withered yellow…

Her heart began to race. She took a deep breath, no longer interested in the piece of meat in her mouth, and hurried back into the cave. She spoke decisively to Xie Wei, “We need to turn back now and go around to the other side of this mountain!”

Xie Wei turned his gaze toward her.

But behind her was a vast expanse of white, forcing him to close his eyes.

Without waiting for his response, Jiang Xuening began gathering the few items they could take with them from the cave. She spoke rapidly, “I just saw that the snow on the mountain ahead is mostly on the northwest side. The southeast has almost none! If the snowstorm came from the northwest, then the slope on the other side of this mountain shouldn’t have much snow either! It might not get us out of this mess, but at least you’ll be able to see, and we won’t starve!”

Xie Wei remained seated, unmoving.

Jiang Xuening picked up his bow and arrows, grabbed the water pouch, and finally looked at him. After a moment’s hesitation, she took a knife and cut a strip of fine Hangzhou silk from her robe. She tied one end to Xie Wei’s wrist and the other to her own.

He found this familiar and smiled faintly, “I thought you were feverish and scatterbrained, that you’d forgotten.”

Jiang Xuening snorted, “I’d rather not remember.”

Who would want to constantly recall past misfortunes and humiliations?

She said, “We’re already at the foot of the mountain. We just need to go around the western side to the back. It shouldn’t take long. The path at the base of the mountain is much flatter than the slopes. I’ll walk in front, and you follow behind.”

Xie Wei allowed himself to be pulled to his feet.

Their wrists were tied together, but the space between them hung loosely. Without a word, he reached forward and took Jiang Xuening’s hand.

Jiang Xuening: “…”

She turned to look at him, about to say something.

But her gaze shifted, and she noticed something falling from his sleeve as he stood up.

She said, “You dropped something.”

Xie Wei looked down.

Jiang Xuening, thinking he might as well be called “Xie Half-Blind” at this point, bent down to pick it up for him: it was a small square paper package, about two inches in size, with a cinnabar mark on the outside. Inside seemed to be some kind of powder, resembling a medicinal packet from a pharmacy.

However, the way it was folded didn’t quite match.

The red mark drawn on it was even more peculiar, giving her a faint sense of familiarity, as if she had seen it somewhere before.

Jiang Xuening furrowed her brows slightly and handed it back to him, asking, “Do you carry medicine even when you’re not sick?”

Xie Wei’s fingers stiffened for a moment as he took the paper packet.

But he showed no sign of it, calmly tucking it back into his sleeve and saying, “A sickness of the heart is still a sickness.”

Jiang Xuening didn’t dwell on his words. She wanted to pull her hand free, but considering their wrists were tied together and his vision was poor, she ultimately didn’t let go. Instead, she gripped his hand firmly and led him out of the cave.

The cave wasn’t located very high up.

After exiting, they headed west, trudging through the deep snow, their steps uneven. Before long, the cold wind seeped through their collars and sleeves, making them shiver uncontrollably. Their boots sank into the snow, their feet aching from the cold, and gradually, they lost all sensation.

Jiang Xuening struggled to walk ahead, frequently stumbling over rocks and tree roots, sometimes falling face-first into the snow. Occasionally, she even dragged Xie Wei down with her.

At this point, she began to resent her own name.

Shivering uncontrollably, her lips turning blue, she joked with Xie Wei, “I used to think that with a name like Jiang Xuening, you must hate it, since nothing good ever happens when we meet.”

Xie Wei said, “I don’t hate it.”

Jiang Xuening glanced at him. “You’re not lying?”

Although Xie Wei wasn’t much use in the snow, his physical condition was far better than hers. Seeing her about to collapse, he steadied her and said, “You’re not called Jiang Xue.”

Ning’er.

The snow of late winter meets the early spring breeze, and it stops, quiets, and melts.

Why wouldn’t he like it?

Jiang Xuening thought about it and realized he was right. Catching her breath, she steadied herself and continued walking, saying, “Then by that logic, I should be your savior. Both times we met, I saved you. Without me, with your temperament…”

The image of Xie Wei from her past life flashed in her mind.

Her steps suddenly halted, and the memory of her frantic search for Xie Wei after the palace coup in her previous life came rushing back, magnified to the extreme. She remembered the exquisite small bowls placed on the corner of the imperial desk, and the lacquered tray with a piece of paper marked with a red line…

She finally remembered where she had seen it before.

Such things were common in the palace.

But she had never associated them with Xie Wei.

Seeing her stop, Xie Wei also paused. “What about me?”

Jiang Xuening slowly turned to face him, her gaze filled with disappointment and sorrow. She clenched her teeth, afraid she might start trembling from the cold.

She reached out to him. “Give it to me.”

Xie Wei asked, “What?”

Jiang Xuening finally couldn’t hold back anymore, the corners of her eyes slightly red as she shouted at him, “The Five Minerals Powder, give it to me!”

Xie Wei truly didn’t know how she had figured it out.

He blinked lightly. “Ning’er, there’s something I’ve wanted to tell you for a long time.”

Jiang Xuening stared at him wide-eyed, her hand still outstretched.

Xie Wei sighed helplessly. At that moment, he raised his hand and struck the back of her neck, knocking her unconscious. Then, as if speaking to the wind, he murmured, “The things you cook are truly terrible.”

She could hardly believe what he had done.

Her vision blurred, and she collapsed.

Xie Wei caught her in time and looked around at the vast expanse of white. He thought to himself: Last time, she was a clumsy doctor, leaving him unable to stand the smell of blood for half a year after returning to the capital. This time, she’s a terrible cook, making him doubt whether the meat she roasted was even the same as his…

Delicate young ladies really aren’t much good.

He had brought the Five Minerals Powder with him.

It was hard to say he hadn’t considered trying it.

But he had never actually tasted it.

The way Ning’er worried made it seem like she was about to turn on him immediately. They were still on the road—couldn’t she prioritize?

Xie Wei twirled the paper packet between his fingers.

In the end, he was still afraid of the cold.

Glancing at Jiang Xuening in his arms, he lowered his gaze, no longer as concerned about the powder as he had been before. He bit open the corner of the packet and consumed both the powder and the paper. After a while, a warmth, even a heat, spread through his limbs, making the surrounding snowstorm seem to lessen.

Xie Wei smiled faintly, leaning down to gently kiss her furrowed brow. Then, carefully, he hoisted her onto his back and continued forward.

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