Chapter 79: He Only Then Realized That He Had Let Li Rong Walk Alone, So Lonely, For Thirty Years

Li Rong galloped back to the mansion, and on the way, she encountered Pei Wenxuan’s men who had come to meet her. Without asking much, she led them back to the princess’s mansion.

As soon as she arrived at the mansion, she saw people coming and going, seemingly very busy. Li Rong led the people into the bedroom and saw basins of bloody water being carried out. She lifted the curtain and went in, asking directly, “Where is Pei Wenxuan? How is he?”

As she spoke, she saw Pei Wenxuan sitting on the bed, with a doctor bandaging his wound. His face was somewhat pale. Seeing Li Rong come in, Pei Wenxuan looked a bit surprised, “Your Highness? How did you get back so quickly?”

Seeing that Pei Wenxuan was fine, Li Rong’s expression softened a bit. She walked to the bedside and asked the doctor, “Is he okay?”

“Rest assured, Your Highness,” the doctor said respectfully, “The wound did not injure any tendons or bones, and there is no poison. He just needs some time to recuperate.”

Li Rong nodded and waited by the side until Pei Wenxuan’s hand was bandaged. Then the attendants withdrew, leaving only the two of them in the room.

Pei Wenxuan looked up at Li Rong and smiled, “Standing for so long, aren’t you tired?”

As he spoke, he patted the bedside and said gently, “Sit down.”

Li Rong sat down beside him and sighed, “How did you get hurt? You’re not a child anymore, how could you be assassinated?”

“It was my fault,” Pei Wenxuan said softly as Li Rong examined his wound, “On the way back, a child made a complaint, but it turned out to be a professional assassin. I was careless for a moment. But don’t worry, I’ve already sent people to investigate, and there should be results soon.”

Li Rong responded with a sound. Pei Wenxuan saw her lower her head, and after a moment, he raised his hand to tuck her hair behind her ear, saying gently, “I’m sorry to have worried you.”

“Be more careful in the future.”

Li Rong spoke softly, then remembered, “Have you eaten?”

“Not yet,” Pei Wenxuan smiled, “What about you, Your Highness? Have you eaten?”

“Not yet either,” Li Rong stood up and naturally reached out to support Pei Wenxuan. Pei Wenxuan lowered his eyes, hiding his expression, and let Li Rong help him up. As she supported him out the door, she couldn’t help but ask, “Besides your hand, where else are you hurt?”

“No other injuries,” Pei Wenxuan smiled, “Just a bit scared, my heart is still a bit uneasy.”

“You can get scared too?” Li Rong looked at him doubtfully, “You should be used to it by now, right?”

“Your Highness, matters of life and death are something one can never get used to,” Pei Wenxuan shook his head, “But it’s something one must face, so I pretend to be used to it.”

Li Rong thought about it and felt that Pei Wenxuan was right. She helped him to the table, let him sit down, and then had the food brought up.

Li Rong asked Pei Wenxuan in detail about the assassination, and Pei Wenxuan answered carefully. When the food was all served, Pei Wenxuan reached out with one hand to pick up some food, but the soup beside him remained untouched. While he ate elegantly, he observed Li Rong, who was drinking soup thoughtfully. Seeing her distracted while eating, he hesitated for a moment and then said, “Don’t think too much about it. There are many people who hold grudges against me now. This kind of thing is bound to happen. I can protect myself, so leave this matter to me, okay?”

Hearing this, Li Rong came back to her senses and nodded, “Okay.”

As she spoke, her gaze fell on Pei Wenxuan’s hand holding the chopsticks, then shifted to the untouched bowl of soup beside him. She paused for a moment, then put down her chopsticks.

“Your Highness?”

“I’ll feed you.”

Li Rong picked up the bowl of soup, blew on it gently, and brought it to Pei Wenxuan. Pei Wenxuan was stunned for a moment, and Li Rong urged him, “Drink.”

Pei Wenxuan was brought back to his senses by her urging. He lowered his eyes and took the porcelain spoon that Li Rong brought to his mouth.

He liked to drink soup before meals, and he thought Li Rong never noticed this, but it turned out she actually knew.

Knowing that he likes to drink a bowl of soup first, and also knowing that he doesn’t want to lose his composure in front of her, he simply didn’t drink the soup since he was missing a hand to hold the bowl.

Pei Wenxuan was fed the soup by Li Rong and smiled, “I can eat the food myself, Your Highness, don’t let yourself go hungry.”

Li Rong responded, wiped her hands with a cloth, and then ate a few bites herself.

After Li Rong and Pei Wenxuan finished eating, they heard that Shangguan Ya had arrived. She helped Pei Wenxuan back to bed, letting him rest first, and then returned to the main hall.

Shangguan Ya was waiting for Li Rong in the main hall. When she saw Li Rong come out, she saluted, “Your Highness.”

“Any leads?”

“I confirmed Su Ronghua’s whereabouts. At the time of the incident, he hadn’t had time to return to the Su residence, so he couldn’t have acted so quickly.”

“It wasn’t him,” Li Rong said with certainty, “The Su family wouldn’t do such things. Su Lin was only demoted, and the other Su family members weren’t involved. They wouldn’t assassinate Pei Wenxuan over such a small matter.”

“Is the consort okay?” Shangguan Ya glanced at the backyard. Li Rong nodded, “There was no poison on the blade. They were just warning me. If they wanted Pei Wenxuan dead, they would have poisoned the blade, and he would be in trouble by now.”

Shangguan Ya listened and couldn’t help but frown. Li Rong closed her eyes and sat in the chair, resting for a while, “We interrogated people this afternoon, then they used a kite to threaten me, and in the evening, they tried to kill Pei Wenxuan. There must be someone in the Supervisory Office leaking information. Check everyone who came in and out this afternoon and investigate thoroughly.”

“Yes.”

Shangguan Ya pondered, and Li Rong looked at her, “You seem to have something to say?”

“Your Highness,” Shangguan Ya thought for a moment and said softly, “Actually, at this point, all they want is to save their lives. This is just a warning, but it directly targets the consort. If they were determined, the consort might have…”

“Just say it,” Li Rong said calmly. Shangguan Ya pursed her lips, “I’m afraid being too rigid will lead to breaking. Why not take a step back?”

Li Rong didn’t speak. She looked at Shangguan Ya, who was not yet twenty years old. It was natural for her to be fearful in such situations.

“If they hadn’t acted, I could have spared them.”

Li Rong stood up and said, “Now, it’s either me or them.”

Shangguan Ya was stunned, then understood Li Rong’s meaning and stopped persuading, “What does Your Highness plan to do?”

Li Rong pondered for a moment and said softly, “They are in the dark, and we are in the light. This is not a good strategy.”

“What is Your Highness’s plan?” Shangguan Ya tilted her head, waiting for Li Rong’s instructions.

Li Rong thought for a long time and finally said, “You go investigate first. If you can’t find any results, we’ll have to lure the enemy in and catch them in a trap.”

Shangguan Ya listened and showed some confusion, “What will we use as bait?”

Li Rong looked up and said calmly, “Me.”

“Your Highness,” Shangguan Ya immediately said, “No, that’s too dangerous.”

“Isn’t it dangerous for them to try to kill me?” Li Rong sneered, “If they have the guts, why wouldn’t I?”

“Are they the same as you?” Shangguan Ya was anxious, “What is their status compared to yours? Your Highness, the consort would never agree to this idea.”

“Did I ask you to tell him?” Li Rong looked at her coldly, “Is it his place to decide my affairs?”

Shangguan Ya was momentarily speechless. Li Rong didn’t bother with her and waved her hand, “Go back first. Investigate thoroughly. If you find evidence, deal with it directly. If not, we’ll discuss it later.”

Shangguan Ya didn’t speak. After a moment of silence, she turned and walked out, muttering, “I have to tell the consort.”

“Stop!” Li Rong called out to Shangguan Ya, “Why are you talking to him?”

“Anyway, he can’t control you,” Shangguan Ya laughed, “Can’t I chat with him?”

“Shangguan Ya,” Li Rong sneered, “I dare you.”

Shangguan Ya stared at Li Rong, and after a moment, she became somewhat irritated and waved her hand, “Fine, fine, do whatever you want. It’s not my life on the line.”

After saying that, Shangguan Ya waved her hand and walked out. Li Rong stayed in the main hall for a while, drinking tea before getting up to bathe. Finally, she returned to her room.

Pei Wenxuan hadn’t gone to bed yet. He was wearing a white undershirt and a blue outer robe, sitting at the desk and looking through some documents.

Li Rong stood at the door without moving, quietly watching Pei Wenxuan. When he was silent, he looked like a painting, a serene landscape, quietly and gently waiting there, giving her the courage to return.

Pei Wenxuan wrote two lines with his brush before realizing someone was at the door. He looked up and saw Li Rong standing there, with the courtyard’s night light behind her, silently watching him.

Pei Wenxuan gazed at Li Rong for a moment before putting down his brush and beckoning her over gently, “Your Highness, it’s cold at the door. Come sit here.”

Li Rong walked over to Pei Wenxuan’s side and sat down as he gestured. She smiled warmly, “What are you writing?”

“Just looking at some reports from informants,” Pei Wenxuan observed her, “Did you argue with Shangguan Ya?”

“When will you stop revealing people’s secrets?”

Li Rong leaned lazily against the table and looked at Pei Wenxuan’s hand, “Does your hand still hurt?”

“If I say it hurts, will Your Highness blow on it for me?”

Pei Wenxuan raised his hand. Li Rong laughed and raised her fan as if to hit him. Pei Wenxuan didn’t move but smiled at her. The fan stopped half an inch above his wound and couldn’t go any lower. Pei Wenxuan extended his hand towards her again and continued, “If Your Highness blows on it, it won’t hurt.”

“Are you a child?”

Li Rong couldn’t help but laugh. Pei Wenxuan sighed, “Ah, Your Highness really doesn’t care about your humble servant.”

Saying this, Pei Wenxuan withdrew his hand. Li Rong glanced at him and saw his face showing some grievance. She laughed out loud and raised her hand, “Give me your hand.”

Pei Wenxuan extended his hand again. Li Rong placed it in her palm and examined it carefully before looking up at him, “You commoner have beautiful hands; they have a touch of immortality.”

Pei Wenxuan smiled without saying anything. Li Rong hesitated for a moment. Just as Pei Wenxuan was wondering what she was hesitating about, he saw her lower her head and gently blow on his hand.

Her breath was warm as it touched his palm and then moved up to his wound.

The warmth spread softly across his skin. Pei Wenxuan’s eyes deepened as he quietly watched Li Rong bowing her head for him. After blowing gently like she would for a child, she looked up at him with some innocence and asked, “Does it feel better?”

Pei Wenxuan didn’t speak. His gaze first fell on Li Rong’s eyes, then slid to her nose tip before stopping at her lips.

Li Rong was puzzled, “Pei Wenxuan?”

Pei Wenxuan heard this and laughed, “I thought Your Highness wouldn’t take it seriously.”

Saying this, he withdrew his hand from hers. Li Rong straightened up casually and said, “When I got hurt as a child, my mother would blow on it like this. It really felt less painful afterward.”

“That’s natural.”

Pei Wenxuan saw Li Rong stand up, so he followed suit. When Li Rong heard him get up, she turned around and supported him.

Pei Wenxuan had never been cared for by Li Rong like this before. He didn’t show it on his face but followed her quietly, saying softly, “When someone is willing to blow on your wound, it means they care. Whether the wound hurts or not, it always makes you happy.”

“You’re making it sound so pitiful,” Li Rong glanced at him, “As if I’m usually very bad to you, and you lack care and love.”

“Your Highness is always very good to me,” Pei Wenxuan said as they reached the bed. Li Rong helped him take off his outer robe and then got into bed first. Pei Wenxuan watched her get into the covers, walked to the bedside to turn off the light, and then got into bed as usual.

His left hand was injured, but his right hand was still fine. After Li Rong lay down, she heard Pei Wenxuan say after a while, “Your Highness, sometimes I can’t help but wonder, what would you be like as a wife?”

Li Rong remained silent, and Pei Wenxuan continued, “Your Highness would surely be a virtuous wife and loving mother. Although you appear decisive and resolute, you are actually very gentle. Just now, when you took care of me, I felt like I had a home.”

Pei Wenxuan said this and secretly looked at Li Rong.

Li Rong listened to Pei Wenxuan’s words for a long time before she softly said, “It probably wouldn’t be much different.”

Li Rong said this while looking at the bed canopy, “I don’t like things that affect me. Whether or not I’m someone’s wife, I would probably be the same as I am now.”

“How could that be?”

Pei Wenxuan turned to look at her, “Your Highness, if you love someone, everything should be different.”

Li Rong heard this and, after a long time, laughed softly, “But I don’t understand what love is. I won’t love anyone. Of course,” Li Rong turned away from Pei Wenxuan and lowered her voice, “I don’t expect anyone to love me either.”

Pei Wenxuan was stunned and found it hard to understand, “Why doesn’t Your Highness expect others to love you?”

“In matters of emotion, I’m peculiar,” Li Rong closed her eyes, “It’s hard for someone to love me, and even harder for them to love me for a long time. I know myself well, so I don’t think about it much.”

“Why does Your Highness think this way?” Pei Wenxuan tried to comfort her, “I… I liked Your Highness very much in my previous life, didn’t I?”

“My liking is different from yours,” Li Rong said calmly, “The word ‘love’ is too heavy for me. For you, that kind of feeling might be love. But for me, to love is too difficult.”

Pei Wenxuan listened quietly. At that moment, he seemed to find some differences between himself and Li Rong. He didn’t know why, but he remembered their marriage when Li Rong was eighteen.

At that time, Li Rong was much more expressive than she is now, and many emotions were not hidden. Now, more than thirty years have passed, and he didn’t know why, but listening to Li Rong talk about these things, he felt that Li Rong was no different from when she was eighteen.

She still seemed like that young girl, walking with him in the palace, telling him about her past.

“People in the palace call me princess, but I know they say I have a strange temper and don’t like me.”

“But I don’t care about their liking. If they don’t like me, so be it. Do I need to care about them?”

“Do you see that Beiyan Tower? My father built it for my mother. They say it’s because my father loved my mother deeply. But I don’t think so. It’s just a fleeting moment of affection between men and women, unable to withstand any storm. How can it be called love?”

…

When Li Rong said these things, he was only in his early twenties. He didn’t really understand the true meaning of Li Rong’s words. He just followed her quietly, listening to her talk, and comforting her with a smile, “Your Highness, it’s all in the past.”

He thought Li Rong just liked to talk about the past, but now he realized that it was actually Li Rong asking him for help.

When Li Rong was eighteen, she was telling him what kind of relationship she wanted, who she was, and she was carefully offering herself to him, saying, “Pei Wenxuan, please learn how to love me.”

These words might sound somewhat domineering, but giving her most vulnerable side to someone was already Li Rong’s greatest sincerity.

But he didn’t understand.

Thirty years taught him to understand people’s hearts, and looking back, he felt a piercing pain.

He thought that after so many years, Li Rong truly didn’t care about anyone, as she said in prison. But as he slowly got to know her, interacted with her, and touched her, he realized that her lofty, phoenix-like indifference was just another form of extreme disappointment and abandonment.

After all, in her previous life, Li Rong never received a complete and wholehearted love.

Whether it was him or Su Rongqing, they both ultimately let her down.

And she never showed it, neither love nor hate, never truly affecting him or Su Rongqing.

Realizing this, Pei Wenxuan felt a sudden surge of immense pain and bitterness. He couldn’t help but approach her, gently placing his hand on her, disregarding the pain from his wound, and hugged her tightly.

Li Rong lowered her eyes and laughed softly, “Is it too cold in winter, Lord Pei? Are you using me as a heater? Hugging me from time to time, you don’t seem as reserved as you used to.”

Pei Wenxuan held her without speaking. After a long time, he finally said, “Your Highness, it’s not difficult.”

Li Rong was stunned, and then she heard Pei Wenxuan say softly, “Your Highness, having someone who wholeheartedly loves you is not difficult.”

Li Rong didn’t speak. Listening to Pei Wenxuan’s words, she first found it laughable, then felt a sense of indescribable regret, which finally turned into a bit of confusion and an almost unconscious hint of hope.

She instinctively wanted to speak.

She wanted to ask, how could something she had never received, something she had never seen, not be difficult?

But she didn’t speak. These were questions she would ask when she was young, but now she no longer asked them.

It didn’t matter.

She didn’t care.

Li Rong’s silence was like a delayed execution for Pei Wenxuan, thirty years late.

It wasn’t because he was rejected by Li Rong, but because he realized he had let Li Rong walk alone for thirty years.

He suddenly felt a great impulse. He should tell her, just as she told him that Pei Wenxuan was good and Pei Wenxuan could love others.

He also wanted to tell her, whether she rejected or accepted, he wanted to say it.

Li Rong, there is someone who loves you, loves you very, very much.

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